[bjtds3]

For awhile I was doing really well about my drinking but lately it seems that I've hit another low. I'm not doing anything dangerous, like drinking and driving or binge drinking, but I drink all day long. Just enough to keep a bit of a buzz. Lately, though, I've been getting really horrible acid reflux and I wake up in the morning having panic attacks. I would really love some words of encouragement right now. I haven't been on here in a few weeks because I've been managing my life in balance with alcohol. I don't want to commit to going to meetings until I get completely sober, and I'm scared that I'll run into someone I know or that I'll seem silly showing up and being a doctoral student with alcoholism. I don't know how I can do that. I'm only 24 and I'm definitely a functional alcoholic. I go to work and school and don't seem to have any problems appearing "normal." I'm scared of how my body is being affected and I don't want to keep moving in this direction. Please, ANY words of encouragement or ANY stories you might share would be really helpful to me. Perhaps I should also mention that I drink because I have panic attacks and anxiety and that I started drinking because alcohol was a quick way to suppress the symptoms of anxiety, though I know it's a depressant, and in the long run makes me feel worse.

[carrie_ann]

hi bjtds3
i can't really give any advice, i'm struggling myself atm, just wanted you to know i read this and get where you are. i understand about not wanting to commit to meetings until you are sober but have you contacted anyone from your AA locally. i did by e-mail coz, like you, i was worried about meeting someone i'd know from my professional days. i got a very reassuring e-mail back giving me a number i could call just to talk to someone, with details of other meetings in locations where i may feel more comfortable, and the offer of transport if needed. i don't know if this idea is any good to you? anyways, i just wanted you to know i get it, hope you post again.

[kazukivonhimmel]

as far as encouragement, I cant really offer any but to keep trying... but as far as personal experience goes, I dont mind sharing. im also 24 (25 in may) and, though I havent officially been diagnosed with anything, I honestly feel that the reason I started using various drugs was in the hopes of finding an easy outlet to coping with my personal issues. I started smoking because of its relaxing qualities. this was when I was 16. shortly thereafter I began using other drugs to feel happy. that isnt to say that I dont find hapiness outside of drugs, just that its sparse and usually short lived. for most of my life I believe ive been depressed or apathetic. what first made me open my eyes to this was in high school, when asked to write an essay about the "happiest memory you have" and found I had none. im sorry for rambling, by the way, and hope somehow this helps, atleast in knowing that people are struggling with you. again, sorry for the lack of real encouragement, but I do believe that you will find a way to the change youre reaching for.

[Leed]

You might be surpised that your panic attacks could quit if you quit drinking! They COULD be caused by your drinking! When you are coming off of the alcohol, you start having 'withdrawl' and that can bring about panic attacks, or what SEEMS like a panic attack. So you drink to calm the attack! Believe me, I've been there and done that.

You say you don't want to see anyone at the meetings -- why? They'd be there for the same reason as you. There are priests, lawyers, white collar, blue collar, professors, housewives, doctors, you name it -- all walks of life in those meetings! And if you ALREADY have acid-reflux, do you know what you're doing to yourself by drinking? My husband died of esophagael cancer due to his past drinking!!! He had been sober a number of years, but he still died.

I was a functiional alcoholic too -- I drank every single night for 20 years but I was a full-blown alcoholic. I went to work every day and sometimes in a blackout. But I did my job and no one even knew I drank! I drank to stop the emotional pain from a rotten childhood and a bad marriage. Finally, after 20 years I decided I didn't want to die -- so I called AA -- and they helped me get & STAY sober! That was almost 19 years ago and they still help me stay sober today.

Alcoholism can affect anyone -- it doesn't matter if you have never gone to school or if you're a doctoral candidate. It makes us ALL just as miserable, as well as our families. Get some help, either from a counselor or AA. Don't wait until you lose everything cause that CAN happen. I wish you the very best. Take care & God bless. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

this info may be helpful

The functional alcoholic consumes as much alcohol as any "full-blown" alcoholic, they just don't exhibit the outward symptoms of intoxication. This is because they have developed a tolerance for alcohol to the point that it takes more for them to feel the effects (including hangovers). Consequently, they must drink increasingly larger amounts to get the same "buzz" they want.
This slow build-up of alcohol tolerance means the functional alcoholic is drinking at dangerous levels that can result in alcohol-related organ damage, cognitive impairment and alcohol dependence. Chronic heavy drinkers can display a functional tolerance to the point they show few obvious signs of intoxication even at high blood alcohol concentrations, which in others would be incapacitating.

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/a/functional.htm
the acid reflux is indicative of a physical problem with your drinking and can become even more serious.
i experienced panic attacks and anxiety to a high level because of my drinking. once i got sober i was able to deal with any anxiety situations i had. rarely do i feel anxious anymore.
this is just my opinion mind you but the term functional alcoholic doesn't make sense to me. reason being-people with no alcohol dependence don't need alcohol to function.
i'm glad you found this forum. you'll find support here and perhaps answers to what's going on and solutions too re your alcohol intake.