I just don't know what to do, but I know what I can't

well, u can't imagine how hard it was to figure our where to post this, I just dont know what to do, I am so confused and scared. I am an isolator, and keep most everyone at bay real time except my T. I suffer from PTSD, and other dx's..so its hard to trust anyone real world, here its like nervana..I can talk and not be scared..to much at least..but this..I am scard to bring up..I just don't know what to do..sorry to repeat..I have someone I work with..she is the sweetest, most dramatic caring person, and I have worked with her for over a year..she is so outgoing, and so oppisite of who I am capable of being real world, and she is a Psych Professional..over the last few months as we take breaks together and talk I have told her about a few of my struggles with PTSD, told her about some meds the dr had me on..including Ritalin, and Ativan..since that time..she has been asking me for these drugs..giving me such obvious excuses on why I should let her have them, or buy them from me, like she wants me to figure it out..I have been telling her excuses, like I can't find the bottle..or have to get a refill, etc..there is a problem here..what i thought was her normal personality, may be actually due to the meds she appears to be over using....I am afaid to confront her and "say hey you need to get some help", because she is the first person I really have been opened to having a friendship with in over 15 years, since my last friends husband raped me..I have not been able to develope a close relationship outside of work..work is it..and I want so much to be her friend..I care about her so much..what would happen if I told her is she could suddenly change and become defensive and then I would be so devastated...the only thing I know i cant do is give her the drugs...god this is so hard to figure out..I really do care so much about her...she is a sweet person, now i just don't know what to do...can anyone help me here...i don know what to say to her that wont hurt her..and me at the same time..

Hi Evangelista!
It sounds like you are having a very hard time dealing with this, and I sure can't blame you! I mean, you finally open up to someone and now she wants your meds? I can understand your not wanting to offend her and to stay her friend, but this is a HUGE boundary issue.

If it were me, I would take into consideration that I NEED these meds, they were prescribed for ME, and I would tell her this. You can do so in a caring way, and if she gets defensive or offended, that is her issue to deal with. I don't mean to sound harsh, but she is taking advantage of the fact that she is friends with you and can get meds from you without a prescription. It sounds to me like she has a very big problem. I would bring it up and tell her that if she feels she needs these meds she can see a doctor and get a prescription for herself. Maybe even suggest the doc that you now see. I bring this up because I have a presscription for valium and it's the only thing that helps me when I have bad dizzy spells. I have had people who know I take it ask me for some like they were candy or something, and offer to buy them as well. The first time I did this I felt I was just helping someone, but then it became a more than once thing. That is when I put my foot down and told the person that I need them and can't afford to give (or sell) them. Sometimes you just have to make a stand, and if that person is truly your friend she will understand.

Best Wishes,
Sujin

Thanx Sujin..

I am really really confused..not so much about giving into her requests, I just can't do that, it wouldnt be right, but on how to approach her with it..I know I cant keep evading her requests..she told me she was thinking about calling me last night at home about them..she does not want to ask her own Doctor..she told me she did not want to look like she was overusing...well does she not think I could figure this out by her requests..she is either in denial or she wants me to confrot her..I dont know..I am glad u understand about the meds..I guess I should look at this under the boundary issue..but I am not very good at those..not much practice, pretty mushy, and dont like to make others upset..hell of a way to start..thanx

Hi Evangelista~ I'm totally with you about not giving her the meds. Definetly don't want to enable her. As far as what to say to her? You don't have to say anything but NO. Sometimes just saying no is hard, we always feel like we have to follow it up with an explanation as to why like, "No, I'm sorry I can't give you these because blah blah blah." Instead, just try saying, "I'm sorry but no." End of sentance. If she keeps on after you simply say know, then she's being pushy and chances are, if she's trying to hide her dependence on these drugs, she might just shut up so as not to rat herself out. If you say no and she keeps it up, take it one step further. "No. These are my prescription meds." Period. End of sentance. Sometimes with us addicts you have to be really really simple. If you give her any kind of inch, she'll take a mile. As for your concern for her, that is valid. But she will have to realize on her own that she has a problem. You run the risk of pushing her away if you try and bring it up to her. Be her friend in the capacity that you can, but let her realize her addiction in her own time, and just say no!! Best of luck, keep us posted.

~Rayna

Thank u..that makes total since..about just keeping it simple..not trying to get her to identify the problem of overusage..she does have to realize that herself, and I would take the chance of pushing her away by trying to be helpful..just saying I am sorry but no, I cant..makes sense..I just have this sinking feeling, that she is going to realize that I figured it out..and push me away anyway out of defense..but maybe we can work it out slowly..you know what the real heartache is..my big fear..what if she wanted to be with me just due to having access to the meds...that would hurt big time..but she seems so sincere..here I go questioning my ability to trust my instincts again with people..I am sure she isnt really going to do that..i hope...I will know if she stops talking to me...silence is the worst way to end things....thanx again..

Try not to have expectations about the whole thing. When we have negative expectations, we tend to project that, and then the situation turns our just the way we hoped it wouldn't....if she realizes you figured it out and quits talking to you....then you don't want her in your life anyway. Try and think positively about it and be prepared to accept whatever happens!

Thank yu Raynaadi...