[ickydog2006]

I know a lot of people say being numb is awful, and meds have been so high that they've made me numb, but I honestly prefer that. I hate being an addict. I feel like any negative coping mechanism will do. And then today I had a great day, but even in my happy elated state all I wanted to do were reckless thigns that I knew I shouldn't. I didn't by the way, but still, even happiness just makes me want to feed my addictions. Of course this leads me to my current sad state, because I feel like such a bad person for wanting bad things when everything around me is going so well.

[gma45]

I have felt like that before. I could not cope with happy or sad feelings. I just didn't want to feel period! I have learned that it is ok to feel regardless. Some days are better than others, I just try to stay in the middle ground and it works for me.

[madisgram]

i can relate to where u are now in the late stages of my alcoholism. what helped me was CBT therapy. i was so terrified of my feelings and emotions. i didn't know how to live in a 'normal' state of mind. i would drink and drink to avoid that pain. then the alcohol became my pain. that not only make me hate myself but i felt the only option to get out of it was not healthy...not mentioning it here.
i decided to get help to face those fears. not easy but i felt safe sitting with my therapist. i also went to AA cause they had learned how to arrest this disease by abstinence. something i didn't know how to do successfully.
using both tools-therapy and AA-i was able to get out of my useless life. i found hope. i found support. i learned new life skills to face my fears and feelings.
none of us deserve a meaningless life. that's part of my story. there is a way out. i was fortunate to find it. you can too.

[splitimage]

I used to want to be numb, because I didn't know how to handle my negative emotions, or any emotion really so I drank or used pills to "numb out" But that became my own personal hell, as I got sicker and sicker drinking. I'm slowly finding my way out of that hell and am in the process of rebuilding my life, almost from scratch. I've had a lot of therapy DBT has been most helpful, and several trips through rehab, and I now have just over 3 months sober. I now no longer have the desire for numbness, I prefer to experience my feelings even when they're bad because they help me know I'm alive. And through AA, I've met women I can call and talk to when I'm feeling bad, as well as learning to live life sober.

It's hard, but it is possible to break free of addiction, and it's the best thing you can do for yourself.

splitimage