Finally.

Hi my name is Dean and I'm an alcolic, I drink to ease the pain in my life, the pain the presides in my heart constantly, the pain that was caused by Gareths death and by Brenda leaving my life, so here I am judge me if you must I ahve nothing left.

i'm proud of you.its a step in the right direction....

Psyclox…
If you are an alcoholic, you drink because that is what alcoholics do. We don’t drink because of broken hearts, that excuse makes us feel better about our drinking, but it isn’t why we drink.

If everything in your life magically turned around, and every broken heart you suffered was made whole, you if you are an alcoholic, you would still get plastered.

We drink to relieve ourselves of a self imposed torment caused by our drinking. We chase our own tails.

In order to be relieved, we need to get down to the true causes and conditions. Not wallow in self pity.

Your friend on this long strange road trip
Richard

Glad you are here.
Definition of alcoholic is not how much or how often we drink but what happens when we drink.
Thank you for sharing some of your struggles.
mlyn