[NinaNina]

To everyone on here that is a recovering alcoholic, I am wondering to whomever doesn't mind sharing, what finally made you quit?

[madisgram]

i realized alcohol had control over me, i didn't have control over it.
BUT first i dragged that knowledge around with me and kept drinking. i woke up each morning with D.T.'s. i couldn't hold a glass to drink. i filled up my glass with ice, then straight scotch. then i had to sip enough scotch thru a straw until i got enough in me to stop shaking. i passed out each night. i drank every waking moment.
one day i TOTALLY lost the will to live. i saw no other way out of my addiction. i didn't want to live another day drunk yet i couldn't live unless i was drunk. i had tried to stop drinking before-rehabs, etc. but as soon as i got home after "graduating" from rehab i made myself a drink... INSANITY....and continued drinking. i "learned" i had about 6 good months drinking before i needed to return to rehab to sober up. i did this cycle for about 3 years/had good insurance. one time the rehab doc said i didn't have elevated liver enzymes surprisingly since my alcohol level was .24 and i weighed 95 lbs. when i went in. i recall thinking i came in too early this time to "dry out"..darn...INSANITY.
on the day i wanted to take my life i must've had that moment of sanity they talk about. drunk i called my T. i told him i wanted to die, sobbing, hysterical, out of my mind. i don't recall what all i said but he kept me on the phone until my housemate came home/3 hours later. he asked me if i wanted to go again to get help. amazingly i said yes. i decided to try to give sobriety a go one last time. if i screwed up i was done. i had my backup plan. i was so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. i was worn completely out. i was spiritually bankrupt. i had lost who i was. i had no clue. my mind was helpless and hopeless, empty. i felt like i was in a black hole. i just wanted the emotional and physical pain to stop. i was so desperate. i had no hope of recovery yet i said i'd go to get help again. well it wasn't rehab i requested. i asked to be put in the psych ward. he arranged it. my friend drove me there and my T was waiting. after starting to feel somewhat better-30 days in-i told my T please don't let me go home cause i know i will drink. i stayed another 34 days there.
i was terrified to be let out. finally in desperation i got on my knees and prayed and asked for the obsession to be lifted IF there was anything/anyone "listening". i went to bed afterwards. the next morning i had this tiny, tiny feeling of hope. that feeling grew those last 34 days in there but i was still scared to death. but what miracle happened that night i prayed!!!?? it was none of my doing to have hope.
that is the story in brief of my last day drunk 23 years ago and what happened that opened the door to my sobriety. i take no credit except to say i showed up for life. the rest was a miracle.

[splitimage]

I've struggled with sobriety since 2006. What first made me want to stop was I was literally sick of the way I was living and knew I couldn't keep it up. I'd start shaking at about 4 pm, and all I could think of on the drive home was that drink. I'd pour that first drink at 5 pm before I changed out of my work clothes. I'd need both hands to hold the glass, due to the shaking until I'd downed my first 4-6 oz. I wouldn't eat, I'd just drink until I passed out. Then I'd wake up around 2-3 am needing another drink and then again between 5 & 6 am to stop the shakes, so I'd go to work drunk, hope nobody would notice, fake functioning until noon, when I'd eat a huge greasy meal. No way to live I needed to put the brakes on - that's when I went into my first rehab. But I didn't stay sober very long after my first rehab, and lost that job, went on a very dangerous drinking binge and landed in the hospital and was in for 4 days detoxing. While I was lieing in the ER, hearing them talking about the chronic alcoholic in room 3, and saying I'd probably stroke out or have a heart attack, I realized I didn't want to die like this. Hooked up to a bunch of machines, alone, nobody knowing where I was. That got me into my second rehab. After each relapse, I'd start over with sobriety feeling horrible, saying I didn't want to live like this with the blackouts, the injuries, the crashed cars, the withdrawal and I'd accumulate some sober time. But I kept relapsing, because I liked being numbed out and not feeling more than I liked being sober.

This time I'm 5 1/2 months sober, and I really hope it sticks. I'm tired of killing myself slowly. Thanks to drinking, I lost my apartment, had to sell a bunch of my stuff, went bankrupt. I was lucky to get into a subsidized sober living place for women with mental health / addiction issues. And this time I'm sobser because I want to live. I want to get back to work. I want to rebuild my life. I want to keep writing, and playing my music. I can't do anything I want if I drink, so one day at a time, I'm choosing not to drink.

splitimage

[Leed]

I'd been drinking for 20 years to the point of blackout almost every night. I knew this was dangerous -- big time. My husband and I were sitting in a lodge, arguing of course. He was always verbally abusing me -- had been for over 20 years. He had said this one thing to me before, but this time I HEARD it -- he said "You're a rotten mother." And that did it -- I put my drink down, walked out the door and went home. Picked up the phone and called AA. Someone answered and I told them I needed help -- they arranged for a female to meet me at a meeting the next day - and I went. That was the last night I never drank. That night was July 28, 1993, and my first sober day was July 29, 1993. I've been sober ever since.

I guess I have to thank my husband for saying that, but I divorced the bum 3 months later. I was tired of abuse.

[tracist514]

I've been drinking since I'm 15 years old. And was a blackout drinker from the start (I'm 29 now). At 1st it was fun and social. But by 21-25 I drank 6-7 days a week. During which I had a toxic relationship which added to my heavy drinking. I've attempted to kill myself and was very aggressive during blackouts. I didn't drink at work but couldn't wait to get home to get "numb". My excuse was I was functioning, my bills were always paid. When I met my husband I was 23yrs old; I still drank a lot but the last three/four years I've been struggling with stopping all together. I've always known in my heart it couldn't be normal how I behaved when I drank. I was dry for 11mths once and miserable most of that time, plus it was for my husband not for myself.
My last run was this st pattys day. It wasn't my worst or my bottom either. I just noticed the progression was starting all over again. I went from drinkin once a month, to once every other week, to once a week, that weekly and the amounts were doubling as well. I got home at 6am that morning, mind you I started at about noon. Normally my husband yells about it, saying I'm a drunk and he can't deal with my BS anymore. Not this time. He's a real mans man, and I have to say it was the 2nd time I saw my husband break down. The defeat in his eyes broke my heart. Something in me just said "enough is enough". I was 100% honest with him, even though I was so fearful to admit I had a serious problem. That when he was at work at night I would drink whatever we had in the house. And sometimes even buy two bottles of whine for myself. He dumped all the booze we had in our bar area out that very moment. Regardless if he was going to leave me I knew I couldn't keep on this path because one day it would kill me.
Today I attend AA. I'm working my program for myself because I grew sick and tired of being sick and tired. I started going to AA meetings a day after and have been in them every since. By the grace of god I'll be six months sober Sept 19th. I'm grateful for soberity, the rooms, my AA family, my friends, and certainly the support from my husband. I couldn't do this without any of that.
And Thank you for starting this awesome thread!!

[NinaNina]

Thank you all for sharing- and contratulations on all the efforts you have made to become and stay sober!