I can't be the only one?....just Europe and the USA use between them 27 tonnes of cocaine each year....thats a shitload!

and dope is higher....meth a bit lower and heroine?...well...how much can 15 million people use of that I wonder?

...anyway!

sometimes it all goes wrong and it's maybe gradual or suddenly.

It's ironic I will now use the word 'remember'...because what actually happened was that I 'forgot'....who I was

Allthough the other drugs I used were ok (huh?)...I knew the meth I was taking was not quite right but it was close enough...and this was 20 years ago...but for about 6 weeks it's all I could get my addictive little hands on.

I already had personality issues and eccentric behaviour but at least I kinda' related to it immediately enough to manage just a bit better than I do these days.

one night after one especially big hit

I remember looking at myself in the mirror..."without a damn clue who I was looking at?"....unsatisfied (obviously...or maybe...[depending on what ya want?]..) I went through some photographs I kept and I didn't recognise them!...

this was a crap result....especially that it went on for days and then I stopped looking.

and then it just stayed that way! guess I exceeded the limit

unintended accidently selected dementia!....I remember mum sayin' as a kid "don't pull a face kiddo' cos the wind might change and it will stay that way!"

it's only the last few months twenty years later I have installed a few of these pictures on the fridge....that I glimpse.

because SERIOUSLY....it's upsetting to lose myself so badly....I've been subsisting purely on the primal requirement to salvage these important things...these memories of myself and whats in the way now..?

diabolical anxiety

[madisgram]

oh j, i can totally relate to your not knowing/recognizing who you are. i found that became true when i was a drunk...i love the phrase..a drunk. it cuts out all the BS. i used to look in my mirror after throwing up bile...graphic, i know..and said who is this person staring back at me? it was only when i stayed sober..finally...that i was able to recognize myself. i had peeled away the onion!
gradually i found myself. took a long time but i found ME was still there. your description of this phenomena is so real. "thanks for the memories"..music in the background. i'm sure others may feel/felt how you do.
keep salvaging!!!

no worries maddie J...

it's good to hear from some-one who knows what I mean.

I don't try to be real with this stuff..

I gotta try to be real with the stuff I know nuthin' about

[Leed]

Me too, when drinking. Scary stuff. I don't even like to think about it.

These memories are SOME of the things that keep me sober. Plus the lack of a soul.

Thanks for the memories (I think. )

Hugs, Lee