[Leed]

Days of Healing Days of Joy............................Sept. 29th

The winners in the program - how did they get to be the way they are?
..........................................................................Ivy B.

Within te program we come across some truly spectacular people - amazing people whose words seem to spring from a deep well of peace. Though their words are usually simple, their message is eloquent testimony to the profound difference between what their lives used to be and what they are now.

As careworn beginners on the path, we puzzle at their progress. Sure, most of them have practiced the program longer than we have. And obviously they've found something important, something we haven't yet found.

What isn't so obvious at first is that they've also lost something we haven't yet lost. They've let go of some illusion, some arrogance, some impertinence which we still cling to as legitimately ours, but which only sentences us to more time on the treadmill.

The words of those who have truly let go come forth as a blessing. Keep going. More will be revealed.
________________________________________
Today, I thank God for the presence of my brothers and sisters in the fellowship who "keep coming back."

When I first joined AA I couldn't get over the so-called "old timers" who seemed so at peace, and calm. They acted like they didn't have a care in the world. I remember asking my counsin who had quite alot of time in the program "what is with them?" She said "they've surrendered." I didn't quite understand at that time being a newcomer. Later I would understand.

When we first enter the program there IS a lot of arrogance - perhaps thoughts that we can do this "standing on our head." We soon find that it is not as simple as we thought. We also don't know what the word "peace" really means and soon become envious of the old timers who possess it. I know I did. I'd never had any real peace in my life before.
I waited for more to be revealed and it was.

[madisgram]

when i was going to meetings trying to stay sober and faltering often i remember looking at the winners. i thought how can they do this when i can't (so i thought)? i wanted what they had-sobriety-but obviously not doing the footwork or letting God's will be done. i thought i was in charge. ha! so i thought, how come i kept failing? people kept giving me that AA booklet titled "acceptance". (i didn't understand their reasoning tho it was a silent message.) why did they keep giving me this booklet? i thought i had "admitted" i was an alcoholic but in truth i really hadn't accepted that. i learned i had to surrender in order to be set free. and free i became. i had realized i had put alcohol as my jailer. and during that time i was certainly not free.
another experience...when i'd try to justify something my sponsor would say "that's nothing but false pride and ego" and she kept walking(!!!). for sometime i thought.. "she's wrong". i felt like a worm and i certainly had no ego or pride. finally i asked her why she kept saying that. duh..why did i wait so long to ask? she gave me examples of my pride and ego that were things i needed to change. that i didn't have the answers to anything. talk about learning to possess humility. thank goodness for wise sponsors. and she definitely even then was an oldtimer-35 years sober. today she is 56 yrs. sober and she has/had an abundance of serenity and spitiuality. i wanted that too. but how? surrendering to the fact i was an alcoholic not just admitting it but accepting and doing something to learn how to be sober was the answer.
i love the "promises." all they said would take place did and then more!!!! all because i surrendered. the "promises" are a gift.
"if we are painstaking about this development we will be amazed before we're halfway through." ..and i am.

[missbelle]

I am with al-anon and consider my experience with the steps to be the way I maintain my own mental health. I went because of my two children but gained so much from the program. I still read that literature before going to bed every nite. It keeps me sane and focused and humble!

Originally Posted by Leed

When I first joined AA I couldn't get over the so-called "old timers" who seemed so at peace, and calm. They acted like they didn't have a care in the world. I remember asking my counsin who had quite alot of time in the program "what is with them?" She said "they've surrendered." I didn't quite understand at that time being a newcomer. Later I would understand.

I also felt this way Lee. "Those old timers really have it going on, they're always smiling!" I always thought, wow they must feel really good about themselves, being sober and all.
But no, they "simply" surrendered. As I mentioned in another posting, my skepticism had to be thrown out; my sponsor reminds me that this is lacking faith. Remember when I did the 3rd step? I handed my life and will over the care of God, which I still do everyday and sometimes 100 times a day. Taking my will back is not surrendering, look where my will got me before? not any place good.

I am also reminded that I am not doing anything saintly, I'm a drunk who is not drinking a day at a time. And I can even take 'I' out of the equation...'I' am actually not doing anything, my Higher Power is doing it for me!

A lot of the program revolves around humility, and I know that once I think I have it, I really don't lol.

I also like what Madisgram has to say:
"when i'd try to justify something my sponsor would say "that's nothing but false pride and ego" and she kept walking(!!!). for sometime i thought.. "she's wrong". i felt like a worm and i certainly had no ego or pride. finally i asked her why she kept saying that. duh..why did i wait so long to ask? she gave me examples of my pride and ego that were things i needed to change. that i didn't have the answers to anything. talk about learning to possess humility. thank goodness for wise sponsors."

When I did my fourth step what was the character defect that kept coming up? Pride. Often involved in someway or another in my behaviors: pride, pride, pride. As a fairly new member to this fellowship I can't say that pride still doesn't get in the way of things and my behavior--my sponsor implores me to 'check my motives' and to 'hand it over' I am not in control, when I find myself taking my own will, I always run into trouble. Einstein's theory of insanity is 'doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.' Well every time I take my own will it turns out badly: that is INSANE! I am not the one to restore myself to sanity, step 2, so I need to 'let go' /accept and let my HP do it.

I am like you Madisgram. Surely, I thought, my pride could not be getting in the way, I think so poorly of myself. But self-pity, my sponsor reminds me, is another form of pride. My Higher Power doesn't think I'm a piece of crap, what makes me so special to think I am? I am still obsessing about myself, and I hear time and time again "humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less."

Surrendering I believe is the pathway to freedom and humility...the steps pave the way. I'm not close to being there, but I'll keep coming back. Thank you for sharing.