[carrie_ann]

that's what i am, pathetic!!!! it's why no-one will ever care and i will never try to get dry/clean!!!!

[madisgram]

carrie ann, if you're referring that you drank...i think that's what you mean...many of us had to keep coming back to succeed. it doesn't make you pathetic cuz you aren't. just get back on that horse and try again. dont beat yourself up...it will just keep you in that self destrutive state of mind. we're here for you. please post often to let us know. don't know why that works but it does. we all need each other.

[Puffyprue]

You are far away from pathetic, i care about you if i live near by i will do my best to help you to get clean

((Carrie_ann))

[carrie_ann]

yeah i drunk again. i have this cycle where i'm fine for about 2 wks then go nuts for a drink, telling myself just one i can do just one. yeah right! it's AA nite on monday but i wonder if i'm just wasting their time. like i won't open up to anyone to even say how much i drink, why i drink etc. so is there any point?

ty to all for support.

[Leed]

I'm with the others Carrie Ann -- you are NOT pathetic! My gosh, do you have ANY idea how many of us fell off the wagon?? How many of us lapsed? If you're pathetic, then so are the rest of us!

We're here for you Carrie Ann, and we'll STAY here for you until you get it -- and YOU WILL. It takes some of us longer than others to get sober and stay there. So grab on sweetie -- we'll get you there. You just have to keep posting, and have FAITH!!! You must have faith! Ok? God bless and take care hon. Hugs, Lee

[madisgram]

carie ann i've read several posts where you say you drank again.

it's AA nite on monday but i wonder if i'm just wasting their time. like i won't open up to anyone to even say how much i drink, why i drink etc. so is there any point?

here's what i do know about not opening up at meetings about the above quote. it doesn't work at all unless you are prepared to get honest with yourself and others in recovery or who are struggling like you. it's a "we" program. we cannot get sober alone, imho. it is no sin to admit you have a problem staying sober. afterall that's one of the reasons AA got started in the first place.
and yes there is a point. but we need to be willing to go to any length to stay away from a drink. perhaps you're not ready to stop drinking? it takes what it takes. consider how low you have to go or how wonderful life is drinking. for me it was not pretty. i beat myself up over and over drinking again. it's all about the choice we make. i've been sober for a long time now and cannot see how i let it go on for so long. many of us die before we get sober...friends of mine who died of this disease to name a few...my fgf mary jane age 45, sean age 30, p.j.age 19, gail age 30, billy age 36, etc.
and based on another of your posts i think your throwing up is because you drank. i used to do that when i'd either be detoxing or when i got up in the morning until i got a few drinks in me.
hope you'll give my post some thought. we're here to support your efforts in staying sober. you are worth it.

[NeutronStar]

Originally Posted by carrie_ann

it's AA nite on monday but i wonder if i'm just wasting their time.

Of course you're not wasting their time. They are a group that's entire function is to help drinkers to overcome their addiction. They know you don't just go in once and instantly get healed!

Everyone has their own pace of recovery and you will find yours too if you just take it slowly and be firm with yourself - it's not going to be easy, but I'm sure deep down you know that. Also, I know it will be very difficult to not give yourself that "reward" of one drink after a couple of weeks abstinence, but if you know from experience that it will get out of hand, just say no. Try to find another substitute for the drink - try a really hot bath and read a book or something. You could even just drink 1 bottle of 0% alcohol, if they do that where you live.

Anyhow, we all believe in you and care about you! I know it seems dark right now but just imagine how bright the future will be when you're clean!

Very good luck on your journey! Everyone here is supporting you

[Cherry73]

Everyone makes mistakes. I for one have made many but you can't give up. I went to rehab six times. I stayed the thirty days and had the best intentions but still gave in an used. Finally on the seventh try it worked but I went for six months and that was almost seven years ago. You have to try and be strong and please don't be to critical of yourself. Ok you drank, you can't change that but you can acknowledge it and move forward. Just take it day by day otherwise it can get very overwhelming. All you can do is try and if you falter the key is to get back up and try again. Remember we are here for you. You can do it and have the wonderful life you deserve.