[dubblemonkey]

..and?

I believed this man this friend this person I connected with?

I believed he was way way ahead of me...

he had it all going good!

come out of jail...had the girl...beautiful girl...

recovered

had the world!!

had the heart much bigger than mine...was adorable this man!

perfectly tough and sensitive rough!

perfect !...and now he is gone

he overdosed!

why do all the people I understand and that understand me keep dying??

there has always been so much death around me and I'm the one trying the hardest to achieve it!

why am I left behind...

my real life friends list just got re-arranged...again!

my good mate from Sydney...

Jason....thankyou for everything

I will miss you

...please forgive me for staying alive


while you died mate

[madisgram]

be careful what you pray for, mm. and why would you want to die? there's much to learn living. sadness and beauty. you are young enough to create a new life for yourself.
i am sorry about your friends. more than likely they didn't mean to be DOA. for many it is the price we pay while in addiction. they now have added to a new statistic.

for me, to name a few
RIP -
maryjane(drug overdose), age 40
ed (alcohol poisoning), age 49
sean (Heroin on a street in philsdelphia), age 30
PJ (drug overdose), age 19
gail (wet brain first then alcohol poisoning), age 35 .

[Leed]

My friend, I can't even begin to name the people I've known who have died from either alcoholism or drugs. There's just too many.

And why are you left? Because God still has a plan for you. Maybe you don't believe in God, but I do -- and I KNOW there's a plan for you. There is something you're supposed to do!! Maybe it's helping people here. Maybe it's helping people on the outside. Maybe it doesn't have anything to do with drugs/alcohol, but there's a plan.

You have a wonderful, bright life ahead of you! If ONLY you could see it! And it's NEVER too late to start.

I'm pulling for you. I'm with you 100%. God bless you. Hugs, Lee

[avlady]

I agree God has a plan for everyone, some here for short times some for longer times. Be thankful you're alive today and do the best in it even if all you do is pray. Death makes you a stronger person, the duration till we see them again, i;ve been waiting myself to see some of my old friends who've passed and i even dream of them when i have a good night's sleep. they can also guide you if you ever hear a voice that may be one of them, treasure it and believe they are with you to be there for you when it's your time too.

[dubblemonkey]

thankyou guys!

I mean it!

...it's becoming more obvious to me now...as if I was blind before?

I evolved with addicts and criminals...I grew up with addicts and criminals..

they were always regular people to me.

but criminals and addicts don't last very long ....

and that can't be a regular thing right?...to die in your twenties and thirties?

but the behaviour is unsustainable...clearly!

...believed I knew what I was doing I tried to go before I even met these now dead friends!...

I guess my point here is very simple!

these are the only people I ever knew very well and they likewise knew me...even though it's a selfish illusion??...we down here in the Australia land of descended convicts!

...even if you are totally crazy?...all you need is 'one' supporter...

someone to say "yeah me too mate!"

"lets do as many things wrong as possible....just for the utter defiance and hell of it!!"

but!!

this kind of deranged human arrangement never has a happy ending...

so I decided to go it alone....and I am very much alive...and very much alone because of this choice!... and I continue to be alone because all my 'so called' mates didn't make the same choice...

but?...everyone has a story

[Leed]

But you are NOT ALONE, darn it! WE are with you -- and we'll STAY with you. You can count on us, okay??

Anytime you want to talk, we've been here, right? So we'll stay here, okay?

Just keep talking. Hugs, Lee