An update

Hi all,

Last time I posted here, I knew I needed to quit, but I had not done so. On Thursday, I said to myself, "this is the day." I can't tell you why that was the day. Actually, I was in Walgreens and picked up a Beenie Baby (a pink monkey). I'm not a Beenie Baby person, but I just picked it up and thought, "I'm not going to drink tonight, and this little guy is going to be my good luck charm." I really hope that doesn't sound dumb. He's been in my purse the whole time since then.

I didn't drink that night, and didn't want to. But the next morning my boyfriend's blood sugar dropped, and I could not get him to let me check it or give him any apple juice, so I had to call the rescue squad. All turned out well, but that night, I REALLY wanted a drink. It was hard, but I just kept telling myself to keep going, and I would go pick up my Beenie Baby. I visited my mother on Saturday night, and since she doesn't allow alcohol in the house, I didn't feel tempted.

Last night was a doozy. We went out to dinner and I was fine. But when we came home, we found that our dog had eaten mouse poison and had to be rushed to the emergency vet. Luckily they were able to get him to throw up and eat charcoal, and he is now on treatment. We think he is going to be OK.

On the way home, a voice clear as day in my head said, "you need to get drunk. And it's OK. You've been through enough. It's OK to get drunk." And I just calmly said to myself, "no. You need to keep going. On a normal Sunday night, you would have gone out and gotten hammered after dinner. You would have stayed away for hours, and by the time you had gotten home, it probably would have been too late, and you would have been too drunk to drive to the emergency vet -- if you'd even realized what was happening. You need to keep going."

So, here I am. I'm a bit wobbly and jittery this morning. My Beenie Baby is sitting here at work looking at me. But I feel like I'm holding it together. I'm not going to drink tonight. Thanks for reading.

Caliope

WOW ~ After ALL THAT and you kept sober! I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!! I really mean it!! You were just getting started, and then everything fell apart, and you STAYED SOBER! That really means you're committed to sobriety!

You DO need support, my friend. Won't you go to AA? Please? The support is very crucial, and besides you could help other newcomers especially with what you went thru. LOL But like I said, the support is very crucial.

AA might not be for you because it isn't for everyone, but you've got to find something -- someone. I hope you do. Your BF isn't good enough. You need an outsider who isn't too close to the situation.

Again, I'm SO PROUD of you!!! As my group says, keep on keepin on! And God bless! Please keep us updated, will you? Hugs, Lee

Thank you Leed! I think AA truly is the next step. I love your Garfield quote about the truth setting you free, but making you miserable first!

It's weird how my body is reacting to not drinking. I realized this morning that, unlike most mornings, I didn't have an overwhelming need to drink orange juice. I mean, some mornings I would wake up about 3 or 4 am, and drink a whole carton then go back to bed. I knew that was a sign of my body's blood sugar being out of whack. The past few days I haven't felt that need. And I've lost two pounds, despite the fact that I'm craving carbs like crazy!

Ya know what helped ME with the cravings? CHOCOLATE! It replaced the sugar that I was lacking. Booze has plenty of sugar, and I wasn't getting it anymore, so I ate chocolate --- any candy bar, like Hershey's chocolate bars. Boy, I ate a lot of them. LOL And it really DID help the cravings! After about the first 2-3 weeks, I eased up on it thankfully. Otherwise, I would have looked like the back side of a barn!

I loved orange juice too, but unfortunately it doesn't like ME. Just doesn't settle well.

Anyway -- you're doing great -- try & get to a meeting my friend. I hope they do a FIRST STEP meeting for you. That's where they tell you THEIR stories! Believe me, their stories will sound just like yours! But it will make you feel alot more comfortable at the tables. Let me know if/when you go, will you? Love, Lee

Caliope77 That is great you got through all of that without drink!!!I'm so proud of you.Like Leed said, you should go to some AA meetings if you can get there.For me for some reason I havn't had a drink in over 12 years even without going to AA, but I am proof you can do it.So hang in there and do it!!!!!

Thank you Avlady! You know, the funny thing is, my boyfriend has kind of stopped drinking too (he's had a couple of drinks in the past week). I always thought we had to have alcohol in the house for him. I guess he doesn't really feel like drinking alone, so this has been great for both of us!

Whatever works for you works. I don't think about not drinking for the rest of my life. That's a long time! But I don't drink today. And for every today I don't drink, it gets easier to not drink. It's been a lot of todays now, and it still works. Don't let your Beenie Baby down! You can do this. You've already handled some tough days, and you've made it through to see tomorrow. Just keep doing it today, and you'll be good. I'm really proud of you!