[1tash1]

I am an evening alcoholic I use to cope with my wife {married 22yrs} 3 daughters 21,16,13. I only drink at home never been a bar type or a driver never had charges. Used beer all my life. Last 8 years been high power alcohol. Had a black out 2 weeks or so ago, went crazy at home an verbally abused my family in a brutal very hurtful words. A build up that just blew up. I hide in my so called man cave {garage} away from the fights screams my wife my daughters fight everyday well 90% the time. I get off work and I am on egg shells everyone is so angry in my house from the past years of fighting with each other it is a habit an one that has almost destroyed my family, myself an wife are separated at this time by choice ,last week I was out of the house away from the kids unless they wanted to see me, now this week she is going to be out the house, I pored all the bottles booze out haven't had any at all since the blow up,I very nervous and shaky all the time.

[madisgram]

welcome to pc. pouring out the booze was a good thing, sounds like you want to get serious about your drinking problem (??) we're here to support if that is the case. i used alcohol to numb myself from problems at one time.
your shaky, etc symptoms are part of withdrawing from alcohol. it will soon pass as long as you don't drink. thanks for posting.

[1tash1]

Had an amazing day with my 2 daughters 16,13 we had a blast cooked out on the smoker together, I really enjoyed my hole day spending with them. I miss my wife bad she is like my life my soul unexplained love I have for her, I am so total lost without her an miss her terribly. Thank you for your support it has really help my deal with my issues.

[Leed]

Bless your heart! I applaud you for pouring out all your booze! That took alot of GUTS! But I'm so glad that you see now how better things can be when you're sober! I hope the shakes are over by now. Those are miserable -- believe me, I can remember. I drank heavily for over 20 years, but I haven't had a drink in almost 19 years.

Maybe it's good that your wife is gone for a little while. You can now appreciate her -- and perhaps she will appreciate YOU too! I KNOW your kids are happy that you're not drinking! I can almost SEE the looks & smiles on their faces! That's worth millions! Let's hope that your wife comes home with a new attitude, huh? I'll say some prayers. In the meantime, stay strong, even if she comes home mean. Just don't drink!!! Your kids are WORTH your staying sober for! You sure don't want to lose their respect. God bless you and PLEASE keep us posted, ok? Hugs, Lee

[1tash1]

Had strange events today my beloved wife is home for the night,not sure if we be in same room but at least she is here I am really happy no matter what happens,at least we are all here together is all I really care about hurts when we are all split up. Leed god bless U as well had nothing but smiles when I read your post thank you means allot to have good support. I am still sober plan to stay that away to

[kiwiguy]

Wow you're posts sound so much like my life too. It brought tears to my eyes to think that somebody other than me, is going thruogh this hell. Thankyou for the wakeup call.

[1tash1]

Your welcome kiwiguy,I have had many many days of tears for real I a big man wow I like ICE melting sucks bad never have I been so upset in the last 22 years .My wife an I,was same room but wow so distance, is so heart taking to be with hole family, an have to go through all this. I really trying to look at the positive things but it is so so hard when all I do is think the worst case possible, I wouldn't wish anything like this on my worse enemy. I feel so rejected and unwanted, I could puke my stomach turns all day long at work , I have lost over 20 pounds not eating right just feel like S@iT . We was several times alone an intimate a week, to ZERO in last month. I text her books to try to get her to open up but the walls are untouchable so far no luck for me yet, I will keep trying my best as everyday passes to get through.

[Leed]

So I take it that things aren't going well with the wife? I'm so sorry to hear that.

Would she be open to "dating" again? What if you sent her some roses? And what if you asked her for a "date?" Maybe you could kind of start over again, and "wooed" her like you did when you first met her? Do you think that might help? Women kind of like that kind of stuff, so maybe that would melt her a little. It's worth a try.

Just trying to think of something to help you. You're such a nice guy and I hate to hear that things aren't working out. Keep us posted, ok? I"ll keep trying to think of something. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[1tash1]

U are such a sweet person thanks helps big time to actually have someone to listen and try to relate an understand some what. I had a terrible day today, I am really edgy and aggravated. Not sure if it is worth the abuse no idea what todo I am so angry and heart broken inside. Set in child court 2 1/2 hours after a tough working day. I trying to stay focused but I not feeling very wanted feeling like lost.We have strangers in my house 5 times a week for counciling it is really getting to me for some reason I HAVE NO PERSONAL LIFE ONLY AGGRAVATIONS. I venting bigtime sorry all.

[Leed]

Why are you in child court? Or would you rather private message that? I'll certainly listen! Is your wife divorcing you or something? Gosh, I hope not.

I can certainly understand the lack of privacy. It's got to be tough with strangers in the house all the time. But if they're there for counseling, perhaps that's a GOOD thing? Maybe it will help, huh? I sure hope so -- I hope she's open-minded about it. (if she's in on it.)

GO AHEAD AND VENT! That's what we're here for! And like I said, if you want to private message me, go ahead. Some things you might not want to put "out there" for everyone to see. LOL I know the feeling of being "lost." I've been there myself when my ex and I split up. I wanted the split, but I still felt lost. We'd been married for 26 years!

Don't give up -- and for Pete's sakes don't DRINK. That will only make things worse. I'm here if you want to talk, ok? God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[1tash1]

Child court was for my 13 year old, we get to go weekly lol soon will be every other week for cross roads is 1 year program, all are council ling is for are 13 year old CSB,DRUGS, B&E, VIOLENCE,staying out over night meeting older guys sneaking out, just really allot in last 4 years, she was in dan street 10 days, lock down for 1 week a childrens hospital , I have no charges on my self, only thing I do is verbally abuse when I was on hard liquor,doesn't happen anymore thank god for helping me quit. 5 nights a week to deal with my 13 year old lol.The mentors2 times a week,fast track 2 evenings a week,csb every week,court weekly,her probation officer. Is totally crazy life I have at this time. I have more detail's in my other thread about children is really scary for me right now seems no life. My 16 year old just tested positive for pot wow another challenge. My wife has not divorced me yet I trying marriage council ling with each other , willing to do about anything to save are 22 year marriage. My 21 year old has her own house at this time. I can go on on on on on sorry wish I could post happy things just not have any right now real sad an lost an really alone. THANK TRULY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS AN INPUT

[Leed]

OMG You're going thru hell right now! I'm so sorry. It's got to be a zoo! I can truly understand why you feel like you do! I just caught my granddaughter smoking POT today! Needless to say I wasn't very pleased -- she's grounded til the end of the school year. She's 16 -- and she's already in counseling. I'm gonna have a talk with her counselor on Monday.

But I don't have to contend with what YOU are going thru!!! I think I'd lose my mind. And even tho I've been sober for a LONG time, I'm not sure I could STAY sober with all that to deal with. I'm being honest here --- that's a LOT to contend with. I sure would need a LOT of meetings!!! I'm proud of you for not drinking -- you're doing great!!

Just keep this in mind -- this won't last forever. And when kids screw up, they must pay the consequences or else they will continue to screw up. If we keep tripping the land-mines for them, they'll never learn. It's called "tough love." Don't drive yourself insane over this. The kids WILL survive this, and so will YOU. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger. LOL Just end your day KNOWING that you did the very best you could -- that's ALL you can do. You can't do any more than that. But don't lose your sanity over it, cause it's not worth it. You won't be any good for anyone if you're locked up in the nuthouse. LOL Just take care of YOU for a change -- you're getting all worn out.

You got sober & then all this stuff happened to you all at once -- you haven't had a moments rest -- I think you're exhausted. You need some rest -- and alot of it! Try to get some, before you fall apart. God bless & keep me posted. Hugs, Lee

[1tash1]

Wow thought I was crazy lol what I am lmao sounds crazy really it is lol but I only can take 1 day at a time. I had an amazing day wahooooooo no problems today even spent some quality time ALONE with my wife was grate. Thank you lord wish weather was a little better though rainy an ugly out all day here today. But I happy I really think me an my wife will work through are issues, with no problem after today. Kids issues we will have to just stick together an take care 1 of them at a time. I hope U can take care of your granddaughter hate herring about the pot thing Kids are so not afraid of anything these days it is so scary out in the world right now for any kids. You an your granddaughter will be in my prayers I wish you allot luck, hope you not get into all the crazy stuff I have to go through. Talk to you soon take care an thanks for all your support you are awesome.

[madisgram]

itash your children seem to possibly have behaviors perhaps similar to us when we were drinking. it sounds to me that family and individual counseling would help all of you. mind you i can see that right now all the time is already spent on your children's probs with addiction. i'm glad your wife has agreed to marriage counseling with you too. two parents working together may save your marriage and deal with your chilren's addictions too. the consequences of addiction are a high price to pay. your being sober can at least offer you some stabiity to deal with all this. i wish you well.

[Leed]

That's GREAT news!!! I'm SO happy to hear that!!! Good things DO happen with prayer -- and I've been praying! LOL

I'm so glad you & wife had some quiet time together -- you NEED that sometimes! Ya just gotta make time for it every day. Too bad kids don't come with an instruction manual. LOL

Granddaughter was good yesterday, and so far today. She KNOWS she screwed up. She's grounded til further notice. Probably until the end of the school year. I'm not playing anymore.

I'll keep you in my prayers. Raising kids can be a real trial -- but it can be fun too. You and your wife take care of each OTHER. God bless & talk to you again. Hugs, Lee

[1tash1]

Thanks all for the support !!! bless all of you madisgram your message really made me think, I believe U are right in allot ways, I raised a 22 year old, never had any issues like I am going through now is so weird an scary very upsetting at times,counseling I would agree to all of it, but in my house I wish myself family could go else were instead in my house that's what upsets me most is strangers in my house all week long.The marriage counseling we had 1 visit couldn't get another appointment for 3 weeks then I think we will get to go weekly then I believe that will help a grate deal I hope so cause I really do love my wife she is my best friend as well. Leed you are so sweet you have put a smile on my face every time you have helped me, you have a very special gift I wish you always the best, thank you so so much you are awesome person with a grate caring heart hugs 2 U always.

[1tash1]

Had a bad day today came home from a terrible day at work and my house was a destroyed from all my lazy siblings had dishes from last 2 days {4 of us here} and everyone was laying around tired I am the only 1 working I come home have to clean my house.............helpppppppppppppppppp anyone??????????

[1tash1]

The children win ,I give up had enough peace be all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[eskielover]

Hmmmmmm, lets see now, your 22 year old, 8 years ago when your drinking started to get really bad was already 14 years old & probably had some pretty good values already established by that time.....your younger children (especially your 13 year old) was only 5 years at the time you started with the hard alcohol & the abusiveness.....do you kinda think it might have had some great effect on your 13 year old's values & view on life? Your 16 year old was only 8 years old at the time.......same comment applies, but the younger the age, the more drastic effect those things have on them.

The basic facts are that our children mirror our values as parents in most cases......as parents we are the initial example they get of what life is like & what life is all about & the younger they are when we are a bad example, the worse it's going to effect them. Your 13 year old didn't just magically start having problems or having the values you now find them with......those values come from what they take from their parents & from their surrounding peer group....but the biggest effect comes from the parents.

It's easy to complain that the problems they are having are messing up our life.....but we have to first look at ourselves & realize that our lives probably messed them up in the first place & we need to work on the whole family issue....not just their problem but our own also.

I know taking responsibility for our own behavior is not the easiest thing to do.....nor is recognizing that we need to take some of the responsibility for the problems our children are dealing with.

We have a whole lot of people here at PC whose lives have been messed up by their parents...especially alcoholic parents. It's not something we can't correct, but we can't fix it if we are in denial of our problem or how it effects our children. Being a responsible parent these days with the way society is going is hard enough.....but when we throw in our own issues into the picture that add to the mess, it makes it even that much more difficult.....not impossible....just more difficult.

I think the family therapy & all the therapy & counselling that your 13 year old is going through & 16 year old needs is a good thing......but you need to have a positive attitude toward the help your 13 year old so desperately needs rather than complaining about it.

I'm sure I am sounding a bit hard on you.....but I have read so many posts on people who have been so negatively effected by their own alcoholic parents & I know many IRL who have also......that I just can't sit back without commenting on it. Being a husband & parent is hard enough....but when our judgment is clouded by alcohol, it makes is impossible to set the good example that our children need while growing up.

I am sure that you will come to understand this responsibility not only to yourself & your marriage, but to your children also & do the right thing with your drinking. You said you have thrown away your alcohol.....but then you also talked about getting smashed today. Life is never easy but we can't use it as an excuse for abusing alcohol or any other drugs.....we have to step up to the plate & deal with the life we have.....it's up to you to show your kids what kind of life example you want them to follow.

Not sure if the example you have been showing them is really what you want for them follow......only you can make that choice.

Two really good movies to watch are Fireproof for the marriage & Courageous for dealing with your kids I found to be very inspiring & provide some very good food for thought.

[1tash1]

I read everything and take it with an open mind, wow U are grate U take no corners about the truth,why wouldn't my wife just open up,or maybe she did but I was to rapped up in myself to actually realize,I felt like nothing was wrong I was stupid,I learning more everyday and also alot here at this pc site.I messed up got smashed not on whisky my feelings got smashed.I feeling like a punching bag here,I have had some beer but I haven't had any issues with it yet.I was drinking a 5th a week,haven't had any and will not have any.Things are so bad here I can't make choices is only 1 sided ,my wifes side some days are ok but mostly there terrible.My 13 year old got diagnosed ADHD today so with that we can get her properly medicated fingers crossed.My 16 year old we did a pop up drug test on her after she was out most of the weekend and thank god she tested NO DRUGS.Now myself and wife not good we clashing bad had a terrible blow up.I believe like U all saying after me being drunk at around 20 to 30 times in 43 years lol all my fault I am bad, I should just suck it up and be the punching bag be the 1 they can all abuse let the disrespect me, don't stand up for nothing just sit in the corner and shut up,I get talk to lol just couple minutes ago my 13 year old talk to me like I am a little kid lol I said ok honey what ever I can do to make your day nice wow is this what we want is this the right way to destroy love unconditional love is it ok!!!? to be bashed over couple mistakes I admit I was total in the wrong I made bad choices I get it ok I messed up hand full of times but now to make choices when I can barely even stand being at home now,I have never been so feelings crushed,I wouldn't do this to my enemy if I even had 1.My drinking was a problem ok I really do understand but my drinking isn't why all this is happening drinking is just the only thing my family can blame on me that there is the truth. story short ok 11 year old caught with 18 plus males ok was start,then the drugs pot,pills,sneaking dads stash whiskey in garage,then to B @ E 10 days in jail,lock down 7 days sucide watch,sneaking out over night as she pleases,that there is what is the problem ,problem not my drinking,never was,I couldn't do anything to keep my girls safe I wasn't aloud to I was under a scope my kids run my house cause that there is what the courts said I doing everything by the book trust me I have many many meeting a week with probation officers,court every Thursday fast track2 times a week(family counseling),well it caught up with me now I have no life now I do what I am told,here's the kicker I pay all the bills I do most of all the house chores,lawn everything they laugh make fun of me and I can't do anything and they know it isn't my drinking!!!!! My life sucks I am sick and tired of rotating around everyone else,just try to imagine doing what you are told for the last year put your self in them shoes.No love boat I am here to tell you it totally sucks.My drinking was my escape from everything,Only personal thing I had in my garage alone lol ust to have now lost that as well.

[eskielover]

I feeling like a punching bag here,I have had some beer but I haven't had any issues with it yet.

Drinking for any reason when you have had issues with drinking is a problem....to deny that is just plain being in denial. Better to stand up & understand why you are feeling like a punching bag than hiding in the beer.

I was drinking a 5th a week,haven't had any and will not have any.

Glad because that would make things worse for everyone including your kids.

Things are so bad here I can't make choices is only 1 sided ,my wifes side some days are ok but mostly there terrible.

We can always make choices no matter how bad things are....not making choices only makes life worse. We can't make choices when we don't participate in the marriage.......it's only going to be wife's side when you go drink beer instead of participate in the choices that need to be made.....someone has to make choices....if you don't, your wife will. When you go drink beer rather than be part of the choice making process in your marriage....you end up leaving it to your wife to make the choices.....you are making the choice to not make choices....no one is stopping you except for yourself & possibly because you have already put yourself into a place where your wife doesn't TRUST your choices.

My 13 year old got diagnosed ADHD today so with that we can get her properly medicated fingers crossed.My 16 year old we did a pop up drug test on her after she was out most of the weekend and thank god she tested NO DRUGS.

What in the world is a 16 year old doing out most of the weekend? Yes, thankfully she didn't test positive for drugs.....but if you keep up this kind of parenting....who knows what the future will hold?

Now myself and wife not good we clashing bad had a terrible blow up.

What are you clashing about....the kids, your marriage, your drinking.........or...........?

I believe like U all saying after me being drunk at around 20 to 30 times in 43 years lol all my fault I am bad,

There is a difference beween being bad & making bad choices......I would say you have made some huge bad choices in your life in the way you have chosen to handle the situations you have found yourself in. Rather than standing up & dealing with them, it sounds like you hid in your drinking. I would imagine it would hard for any wife to start trusting the values or respecting someone who has made those kinds of bad choices in life & who has chosen to hide in alcohol when things got difficult rather than take part in the handling of the situations.....including any fights in the marriage.....resolve not hide is the only thing that makes a marriage work.

I should just suck it up and be the punching bag be the 1 they can all abuse let the disrespect me, don't stand up for nothing just sit in the corner and shut up,I get talk to lol just couple minutes ago my 13 year old talk to me like I am a little kid lol I said ok honey what ever I can do to make your day nice wow is this what we want is this the right way to destroy love unconditional love is it ok!!!?

If you want them to change the way they treat you, then you have to change the way you act. Respect is earned by acting in a responsible way in every day life & when difficulties come along. When we see parents acting in a childish way & not taking on the responsibilities of their position as parents....it's impossible to have respect for them.....& that's not respect given in fear I'm referring to. When we see parents avoid acting responsible when tough things hit them (I don't mean going out & going to work every day) but mean truly handling the real difficult situations that come up in life or in their marriage.....from relationship issues to death's in the family to debt issues or anything else that might hit a family......it's impossible to feel that real respect for them.....especially if we see them going off & drinking in their man cave rather than working together with wife to resolve the problems. Our kids see every little thing we think they won't notice....& it's those things that make them respect us of NOT.

to be bashed over couple mistakes I admit I was total in the wrong I made bad choices I get it ok I messed up hand full of times

I'm guessing, but if were ONLY a hand full of times, your life wouldn't be as messed up as it is now.....there's probably a lot more going on than those hand full of times you seem to be aware of.

but now to make choices when I can barely even stand being at home now,I have never been so feelings crushed,I wouldn't do this to my enemy if I even had 1.

When we finally notice all that has been falling apart for so long, it does feel that way....but now you are being forced to deal with things & make choices you have been avoiding in the past........that's why it all feels so crushing now.

My drinking was a problem ok I really do understand but my drinking isn't why all this is happening drinking is just the only thing my family can blame on me that there is the truth.

It was your turning to drinking in the first place rather than dealing with the problems you had that is the problem.....If you had been able to handle the problems rather than turn to drinking......so you are right....it's not your drinking but your inability to handle the problems that caused you to turn to drinking that is the real problem.....the drinking only compounded your problem & added the drinking problem on top of the problem you already had with dealing with things.

story short ok 11 year old caught with 18 plus males ok was start,then the drugs pot,pills,sneaking dads stash whiskey in garage,then to B @ E 10 days in jail,lock down 7 days sucide watch,sneaking out over night as she pleases,that there is what is the problem

I'm sorry but the values that we give to our children & the values that we show them from the way we live our own lives are the values they start off with. If we allow them to hang around the wrong kind of kids......that peer pressure when the values at home are non-existent, or there is a lack of respect for the parents because of their behavior.....than that wrong peer pressure is going to have the control over the kids because that's where they find their acceptance. It all comes back to the strength of the family whether you want to accept it or not. When our children get the love, good attention, & acceptance they need from their family, they don't have to go looking for it from outside. There is a failure in your family unit or your daughter/daughters would not be acting in the way they are acting!!!!

problem not my drinking,never was,I couldn't do anything to keep my girls safe I wasn't aloud to I was under a scope my kids run my house cause that there is what the courts said

Only time that kids end up running the house is when the parents aren't in control of running it themselves the way they responsibly need to. When parents allow kids to run the house which is the only way that kids could ever get that chance was if the parents weren't running it themselves......this is exactly the bad situation that happens. When parents aren't the responsible parents that the kids desperately need, this is the mess that happens.

I doing everything by the book trust me I have many many meeting a week with probation officers,court every Thursday fast track2 times a week(family counseling)

Not sure what book you are doing your parenting by.....but it's not a book of success.....I would definitely try a different book that also helps you learn how to be the leader of your family while treating your wife & children with love & respect. These things are just pointing out that there is a serious problem with your family life....not just with your children. It's the family life that gives our kids the love & security that they desperately need otherwise they seek acceptance from their peers & outside people who will destroy them.

,well it caught up with me now I have no life now I do what I am told,

Problem is that if your family environment had been what your daughters needed to feel good about herself....& also the same for your other daughter even though she may not be where your youngest one is yet.......you would have been doing what you needed to do & wouldn't have to have no life now & do what you are told....it's obvious that you weren't doing it right or they wouldn't be telling you now what to do.

here's the kicker I pay all the bills I do most of all the house chores,lawn everything they laugh make fun of me and I can't do anything and they know it isn't my drinking!!!!!

Like I said before, it's not your drinking but the fact that your drinking was your bad way of dealing with the issues that caused you problems in your life rather than dealing with them & resolving them, you went to drinking.......your drinking is only the sign of your inability to deal with problems......which does make the drinking a problem because that's where you hide away from the responsibility of dealing with the difficult things in life. Working, paying the bills, house work, lawn work......those aren't the difficult things in life.....relationships & dealing with difficult problems are what we don't want to deal with & those are the things we use drinking to hide from. Drinking was a poor choice in dealing with the problems that came up in your life (difficulties in your marriage, I'm sure)

My life sucks I am sick and tired of rotating around everyone else,

I'm guessing that before that when there was something you didn't like, you just headed off for your man cave & your alcohol & probably your work the rest of the time.....you life was revolving around nothing but you....which is why it also ends up in the situation you are in now.....because when we don't MAKE our life rotate around everyone involved in it........there is a problem......it sounds like since you have a problem doing this, that is also why you are having the marriage problems you are having. We live a very selfish life when we live with everything rotating around us & not everyone else we need to live & interface with.

just try to imagine doing what you are told for the last year put your self in them shoes.No love boat I am here to tell you it totally sucks. My drinking was my escape from everything,Only personal thing I had in my garage alone lol ust to have now lost that as well.

If you had been telling yourself the healthy things to do for your family life all along, you wouldn't have to be doing what others are finally having to tell you what to do. It's never a good feeling to find out that what we have been doing isn't working for our family & taking the responsibility that the actions we have done aren't in the best interest of our family.....it's never a love boat to realize that we can't just go on the way we've been going for all these years.

Life is never easy....learning how to deal with it rather than escaping into drinking is not easy which is why human nature usually takes the easy way out.....just hide out in the garage & drink rather than take on the responsibility to deal with the problem issues that need to be handled.

No one ever said that life was easy, or nice.....but the more we hide from the responsibilities we need to embrace & deal with....the worse life will get until we come to the realization & get the help we need to learn how to deal. Your lack of dealing with things I'm sure goes way back to what you learned (or didn't learn) growing up. Problem is....if we don't learn it then (for whatever reason) we have to learn it some time if we ever truly want to be happy with our life & make the life happy for our children so they don't continue the same lack of abilities that our parents gave to us. We have to stop the cycle at some point.....best when we are the one stopping it.

[1tash1]

I love you eskielover,U sure U aren't my wife? I am sorry U must have been through alot and have way to much experience,U are grate U do not miss anything.I been trying to deal wow am in tears reading what U said.I am lost for words.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

[eskielover]

LOL.....at my age, I would more likely be your mother......which honestly this is what I would say to my own daughter if she were struggling with the things you are struggling with. I have learned with my own life that every little thing we do effects others & usually NOT in a good way. We have to take responsibility for OUR actions.....yes, your wife has to take responsibility for her actions also......but I don't know what they are......I can only go with what you say & the words you express & deal with them.......& those are the things that you need to deal with.

If your wife is telling you the same thing......or the outside counselors are telling you similar things.....then maybe it's time you listen rather than continue to be in denial that any of your actions have anything to do with the situation you are in.

I have found that usually when we are sitting in the middle of a mess, we are usually the one that has caused it......there are times when this isn't true, but most times I have found this holds true & we have to pick ourselves up & make the necessary changes to fix the problem. I never gave up on my marriage until I realized that there were changes that were being refused to happen & were key to having the marriage end up successful.....& should have been there from the beginning for it to be successful.....but would have been satisfied for them to finally end up changing for the good.....when that was impossible....that was when I knew it was over.

If you wife feels that you continually are in denial that the drinking....or more like the reason for your drinking isn't a serious part of why things are falling apart all around you both.....then I can understand her feelings......I am sure that there are things that she has done or hasn't done that are also key to the lack of success in your marriage.....it's not all you......it never is....just like my failed marriage isn't all my husband's fault......there are things that I could have done differently....but the dynamics of the relationship made it difficult for those things to have happened......the bottom line however come down to the denial on both parts & the unwillingness to accept the responsibility to make the necessary changes.

[1tash1]

Updating status,had my 2 daughters this weekend alone was totally 1 of the best weekends I have had in alot of months,went to school functions was grate no tension at all both my daughters was very well manured and really pleasen't and enjoyable to be with them,I love them so much, I feel so good I got the lone time with them.

[1tash1]

Updating some are family counseling is almost done, I am scared of the lose of that in my house,think it has helped in a major way on keeping everyone sane,my drinking hasn't been an issues yet at all, been controlling the ergs no more whiskeys completely quit ,but I am feeling like I am being controlled now,I have mixed thoughts on alot of commits that are flying my way from my daughters an wife,I start to explode but then, I go for a walk of get away and really think, it helps to get time away.Being controlled is not going over well I am getting angry an humiliated.I am trying my hardest to take every approach to everything with a clear mind.Never thought it would be so difficult wears on yea bad,I taking 1 day at a time.