[Jennyfer]

LOST


I seriously don’t know what to do anymore. I never lie to him about when I am home. At least I only lie about if I am drunk or not. Why does he call ME the hypocrite? I am so in love with him but I don’t want to hurt anymore. How do I tell him he has a drinking problem? Yeah I drink too but I don’t need it… I just do it because I figure hell why not… sometimes I wish I would have packed up and moved somewhere up north… before I got my dog… I wish I would have just done it. I am so in love with this man that my fear of losing him is almost more than I care about him. My heart aches so bad right now just knowing that he lied to me. I can’t handle this pain. It feels like someone just reached in my chest is and is slowly pulling out my heart, making sure not to kill me so I can feel every rip and tear as I suffer a slow painful death. I can’t handle my life… 80 percent of it is great and with me and Jason when it is good it is perfect. But the minute the alcohol touches the lips, the **** hits the fan. I don’t get it. He is such a great guy most of the time. I think it’s my entire fault. I corrupted him. I am the crazy one. I am the reason??? Well I just don’t know anymore. I hate when I have these anxiety attacks. Especially at work. I have only broken down 2 times at work which is super embarrassing. Gosh!! This pain is bad.. I don’t get it. .. Why tell me 2 hours after he left the bar that he was home. I know he left around 2 because I have eyes in that bar. What happened between 2 and 3:45 that you couldn’t let me know you were home… What did you do? Where were you? It’s so bad that I am scared to come home. I think when I get home he will yell at me and tell me I don’t love him like I did something wrong. I have been at work all night!! I am scared to talk to him. I don’t know what to do. I am upset too but I don’t want to talk when he’s drunk… But I just know that when I get there he will either be passed out of he will be awake and ready to be mean to me. What do I do??? Where would I go? He told me that if I don’t come home again we are done. Someone help me.

Owell maybe I will end it all. End all my suffering. Maybe I’ll say good bye for good. To everyone I know. I can’t just run away… I have too many responsibilities that will follow wherever I go. So what’s a person to do when they don’t want the responsibility of the life they have. Then I think “what if?” “Who will miss me?” Sure a few people will gather and pretend they are sad and have a funeral but they will forget about me within a week. I have made no impact on this earth to be truly missed. Sigh… I JUST DON’T KNOW ANYMORE!!

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So sorry, Jennyfer, but it sounds as though your boyfriend is an alcoholic and is about to hit the bottom. Maybe he will decide to give up alcohol and get treatment
through one of the agencies (such as Alcoholics Anonymous) that will help him into
remission.

In the meantime, you need therapy and you need to get away from his presence, in
my view, so that you might recover. Please make arrangements to see a psychiatrist and find out what his thoughts are about your own health and that it
might be in jeopardy as long as you stay in the environment you are in now.

His abuse may turn to violence; that you don't want at all. You deserve to have a
calm, quiet home life; and since you're working, you really do need to have help to
deal with it all.

I hope you will get it and make the changes needed to recover from an
abusive relationship.

Best wishes,

[Leed]

Hi Jennyfer ~ Bless your heart. I'm sorry you're in such an abusive relationship.

I have to agree with Genetic. I believe your boyfriend is probably an alcoholic. It doesn't matter how MUCH he drinks -- it''s what it does to him that makes him an alcoholic. It changes him. It makes him 'someone else.' It turns him violent. He definitely has a problem with it.

You really need to get out of this relationship. He may not be violent now, but he will become that way soon. He will hit you before long. You will get hurt at one time or another. This is a dangerous situation and you need to leave. Until he can get sober and stay that way for awhile, YOU need to stay away or just plain move on.

And like Genetic suggested, I believe too that you need therapy to find out WHY you are putting up with this kind of treatment. Why are you staying? You say you love him, but most people wouldn't tolerate this. Most people would leave! Are you sure it's not dependence instead of love? Have your doctor refer you to a good therapist so you can find out what's keeping you with someone that abuses you. If you DO leave him, you sure don't want to pick someone else that's abusive too! Some women do that -- they get right back into another abusive relationship. It could stem from your upbringing.

I wish you the very best. Please take care -- and God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Perna]

Originally Posted by Jennyfer

Why tell me 2 hours after he left the bar that he was home. I know he left around 2 because I have eyes in that bar. What happened between 2 and 3:45 that you couldn’t let me know you were home…

He could have fallen asleep or forgotten to call you, any number of things if he is drunk.

I would not worry about him so much as yourself; I can't imagine having eyes in a bar; put your eyes to helping you, not spying on him. Get yourself somewhere you are safe and comfortable. Quit your own drinking, put the money toward helping you instead of adding to possible destruction.

[Jennyfer]

My eyes in the bar are not spies. lol they are my friends who work there ..

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