[shortandcute]

Maybe that's partly my depression talking. I thought I was doing the right thing by being more open about my mental illness, but now people are in AA treating me like an outcast, none of the women want to sit by me anymore or talk to me after the meetings like they used to. People just accuse me of "not working the program" or tell me that if I was of more service I wouldn't have these problems. I'd hate to quit, especially since that's one of the reasons I quit going to church. I'm so depressed.

[gma45]

Please remember...principals before personalities! Don't let your disease trick you into not going to meetings. Mine does that all the time to me....tells me "they" don't like me...I am not like "them"....the list goes on and on. When I really don't feel like going is when I need to be there. Just my experience anyway, hope it helps!

[H3rmit]

Apart from the poison persons, do you find these meetings helpful? Are you required to go to them? From the 12-step people I have seen, a lot of them have a strange ego effect now they think they have found "the truth." They can be very self-righteous and judgmental -- in other words, jerks like the people in your group. Everything is fodder for their dogma. Are there no reasonable sorts at your meeting? Perhaps you can find another meeting (if you're not in a small town) or some other kind of support group?

[Leed]

Gma is right. Our minds tell us lies. And those women who say those things to you are "dry drunks." They have no right to be so judgmental! YOUR business is none of THEIR business! They should work their own program and leave yours alone! People like that infuriate me. It's time they did another 4th and 5th step!

Don't let them drive you away. If you do that, then THEY WIN. Don't let them win. You need AA --- just don't pay any attention to them. Sit with the guys. They're more fun to talk to anyway! LOL

Like AA says, it's principals before personalities. Just take what you like and leave the rest. But don't give up on it. You'll regret it if you do. God bless and let us know how things go. Hugs, Lee

[avlady]

Stay with the AA, after reading others responses on here to your post, i agree that you need to win, not them. Also, you should not take things too seriously if they talk about you, they are there for the same reasons too. Sometime it's hard to get into a group because it seems to me others need to see a weakness in you so they feel safe, like group dynamics and how it works. They are probably not really talking about you and if they are, they are testing you. It's just all part of a process if you ask me. I think you should stick this out, i hope you don't drink or do drugs anymore, that is such a hopeless life to live, I know as I used to be like that in my 20's and I am 52 now. Please keep getting help or see a T and pshyciatrist if you're not already.I hope this sheds some light on your situation.

[winter4me]

And, don't forget there are probably other AA meetings you can go to---you probably don't have to go to the same one all the time. But, it isn't uncommon to re-interpret behaviors in light of our own fears. You can also sit with them, talk to them...act as if you are comfortable and feel welcome---sometimes we can become how we act---change behavior before feelings---feelings and negative thoughts just feed eachother endlessly---I can relate to the feelings/perceptions you express, but I usually find out that is just what it is. Best to you!

[Kendyll]

My sobriety is a lot more important than any individual people who think they know what's best for me.

I first go sober in early 1990. I finally got into a psychiatrist in fall of 1990. After some testing and med trials, we finally found an anti-depressant that worked for me and it changed my life. You know how a good med can make all the difference...Well, silly me went to one of my favorite meetings to tell everyone how grateful I was that I got clean and sober. Now that i was sober, I found out I had this mental problem and I was now taking medication and everything was going to be great. Every single woman around that table went on to tell me that I wasn't workign a good program and that I wasn't sober now that i was taking "drugs" and that if I just worked harder at sobriety I'd never need a pill to make me "feel better". I got up, walked out and didn't go back.

Fast forward a few years, and now i'm drinking again. I ended up almost continuously drunk from summer 1995 through April of 2000. I signed myself into an I.O.P. and got told I was going to have to go back to AA. B@$t@rds...But it worked out. This time, when I got back in therapy and on medication, I kept it to myself and a few trusted friends. I will have no sanity without sobriety, and I can have no sobriety without sanity.

Over time, I have become more open about my mental issues, including my medications. Other people need to know that recovery is possible, even if you're mentally interesting. I don't listen to the people in the rooms who disagree about my medications. They aren't doctors and it's none of their business. There are other people who love me and support me, and those are the ones I stick with.

You know how people who don't drink can't understand alcoholism? People who don't have mental illness can't understand mental illness. I'd suggest sticking to sobriety at meetings until you are more confident in yourself. You CAN be exacty who you are, but if you aren't ready for some people not to understand it, just stick with what you all have in common. After they get to know you better and they see your growth, they may judge you less down the line.

[shortandcute]

Thanx everyone. @H3rmit, yes for the most part I do find these meetings helpful, but I'm not required to go. And Kendyll, that is a good point. I guess I didn't think about it like that, but you're right. People who don't go thru what we do just don't understand. Fortunatly, there are some people in the program who at least try to understand it and I've met quite a few who are in the same boat I am--I was focusing too much on the negative.

[thickntired]

Hi S&C,

I quit going to a women's group because it was full of clicks of members. I now go, with my sponsors approval, to AA at a church group 3 times a week and some Sat mtgs. I think we have to find the right group, and I do not disclose anything about my mental illness except to my sponsor and a few trusted members. I think so many people are uninformed about bipolar that they sometimes think we are dangerous. As far as working your program, that is nobodies business but your sponsor. People need to check themselves before thry wreck themselves. It is much easier to judge other people so we don't haeve to look in the mirror.

Peace & Hugs,

TnT

You know shortandcute

I haven't felt like going either for a few reasons. I was really sick for awhile..well more than awhile a few months. I felt like crap...
Supposedly I had made some friends in the rooms, but you know what...I didn't hear from anyone. No one called me. So I started to get this whole negative attitude about it. Why don't they care? They must not like me because I'm different. I certainly never gave anyone a reason to not like me..so what's the deal?

My head goes to that negative space. My sponsor just tells me to go and I ignore her sometimes and don't. I worry that I'm getting a resentment against the whole group, or at least the people who claimed they supported and cared about me.

I also go into that self-pity place: poor me, no one likes me. It's all very clique-y and I am unique in too many ways to fit in. Why would I want support from people who don't care about me?

My sponsor tells me it's what happens when you don't go to a meeting for awhile, you revert back to old thinking and old ways...serenity starts to fade away.
After all, I could have called them or at least made a better effort to keep the lines of communication open.
I'm not there to make friends, I'm there to be part of a fellowship that supports eachother in staying sober. (And for me that's a life or death kinda deal)

I totally get it though. And the longer I don't go the more I isolate and the more negative my head gets. That's a good sign that I really need a meeting. LOL