looken for some help

Umm hi my name is cierra and i just recently made the decision to stay completly clean im a pain killer addict abd i have been using pretty much reularly for the last four years other than the six months i did in jail ...my best friend is in rehab right now becausr of a violation and she is so happy and is doing much better and i want that too so she is helping me with what she can being there but i live in a homeless shelter that everything is so bigus its stressing me out and making me crave .....i dont want to use anymor but i am so hungry for it i can feelit in my stomach and nose with odk if it sounds stupid but with everything i want to crush a pill up but i know i cant i guess just any support would be nice today makes it my 63rd day clean but its really hard to stay that way...and ontop if everything i also have adhd anxiety and depression eorking against me..

hi bandogirl
welcome to psych central. congrats on remaining clean so long. I know this must be a challenge for you. is there any way you can get into treatment to help you out? even NA meetings would offer you some support and coping skills to get you through. going to a meeting a day will go far to helping you make it thru those cravings. take care of yourself.

Thanks um there is no meeting here i tried to go to one but they discontinued it in my town and moved it 45 mins away ....and if i were to put my self in treatment i would get a pv hit from probation and i dont want to go to jail....and lije i send letters fk my best friend who is in rehab and i knew i had co dependency issues but i didnt realize i was as bad as i am to a clise friend of mine he is actually a trigger for me ....but i cant just drop him as a friend cuz he is paying for my fines right now snd helping me get out of the homless shelter im in .....gah why does thus have to bbe so hard

I have tried to go to a na group but they stopped having it ib my areanow its 45 mins away ....so many truggers mixed with all my disorders...