[livelovelearn1986]

My name is Brandi...I am 27 years old and think I have an issue with alcohol and substance abuse.

This is strange fire to type...because I have never admitted this to myself...let alone other people. My reasoning was my drug or alcohol use was always controlled, a choice and not really out of control.

But...I am an addict...and that won't ever change. I take pills that aren't mine...not out of need...but to get high, get knocked out or whatever. Honestly...I don't turn down any pills.

I was sure that I didn't have an addiction problem because I never buy anything, don't use something every day and am able to function fine.

I don't think my alcohol or pill use is a problem really right now...it is so rare. But my constant thinking about it...planning how to get ****ed up and wanting to escape when stuff hits the fan leads me to think...yes I am an addict.

At this moment...I know for sure I would not turn down most pills, marijuana, cocaine, meth, ecstasy or alcohol. Even though if I got caught doing any of those things me and my children could be on the street. But I'm not stupid and know I won't do too much I can't function...and I know I won't get caught.

Wow...honest feedback please. Like I said...it is strange to be writing this because I'm not sure it's a problem.

Or is any drug use a problem? Im so confused....

Live Love Learn

[thickntired]

Hi Brandi,

When I felt like I didn't have a problem with drugs, but did any and every drug put in front of me, I couldn't get sober. I didn't think I had a problem; I graduated from college, kept a job, paid my bills, didn't use in the morning etc. Until I was able to accept the fact that yes I am an addict there was no chance of getting or staying sober. This is a big foundation of the 12 step programs, but I believe it is truth for just about anyone. There are high bottoms and low bottoms. Some people lose their kids/jobs/homes/overdose etc and some people are able to recognize earlier on that they have a problem before everything is lost.

If you are stealing or taking pills not prescribed to you, blindly taking random drugs, and posted here with the concern or question of your use, then I would not doubt you're a "functioning addict." I also totally disagree with the statement that "you know you will never get caught." Never say never.

Peace,

tnt

[livelovelearn1986]

Thank you

I appreciate your response. And the part that really got me...is never say never. I reread my post and I'm a little overconfident and not realistic. Thanks for kinda pointing it out.

Live Love Learn

[spondiferous]

Hi Brandi. First of all, congratulations for being able to honestly look at yourself, even if what you see might be uncomfortable.
I think it's important to remember that addiction looks different for different people. I never lost a home because of my addiction. I never lost a job because of my addiction. I never lost relationships because of my addiction. These are all things that a lot of people with addiction have lived experience of. And so early on in my recovery I always felt like I didn't deserve to be sober, or maybe I didn't really have a problem. But I obsessed about it all the time. My drinking and using escalated. It went from a place of being 'in control' to something that controlled me.
The red flag that goes up for me in reading your thread is that you mention looking forward to getting high, and using it as a means of escape. Those are generally warning signs of addiction/dependency. But only you can make that call.
I wish you all the best.

[Kendyll]

Half of my addiction was the obsession to use. I didn't have to use every day, but when I wasn't using, I was thinking about it. Where to go, how much it would cost or who I could go see, what it was going to feel like and how I was going to CMA...
You only think you will never get caught - because that's what you want to believe. Eventually, we all make mistakes, either under the influence, or under the obsession. There are consequences, they just might not have happened to you, yet.

If you think you might have a problem, then you probably have a problem. I don't know anyone who DOESN'T have a problem who worries about such things. Get some help, be honest with your doctors. Try going without for a year. Find friends who don't have any pills for you to take. Get into therapy and try being gut-wrenchingly honest with your T.

Just because your use hasn't done bad things yet doesn't mean that there aren't bad things that could happen.

[livelovelearn1986]

Thank you everyone. I posted this cause I guess there is an issue.

I guess I could stop all together and see where that leads.

Right now it's not a huge deal...but I'm in a controlled environment and still think about it more than I should. I'm thinking getting strong and completely clean for a while would be best...then being alone like this

Live Love Learn

[Crourt]

Originally Posted by thickntired

Hi Brandi,

When I felt like I didn't have a problem with drugs, but did any and every drug put in front of me, I couldn't get sober. I didn't think I had a problem; I graduated from college, kept a job, paid my bills, didn't use in the morning etc. Until I was able to accept the fact that yes I am an addict there was no chance of getting or staying sober. This is a big foundation of the 12 step programs, but I believe it is truth for just about anyone. There are high bottoms and low bottoms. Some people lose their kids/jobs/homes/overdose etc and some people are able to recognize earlier on that they have a problem before everything is lost.

If you are stealing or taking pills not prescribed to you, blindly taking random drugs, and posted here with the concern or question of your use, then I would not doubt you're a "functioning addict." I also totally disagree with the statement that "you know you will never get caught." Never say never.

Peace,

tnt

I agree with thickntired. You don't know where will you're life brings you.

You don't know where will you get caught.