[MisterSaunders]

Hey all,

I'm involved in a wonderful internal battle at the minute.

I have entered into an agreement to go 100 days sober - no drink, coffee or cigs. That's fine. I'll be completing that with a strong will and gritted teeth.

My biggest question is what's the point? I know that a life away from short term immediate gratification is ultimately going to be more satisfying and rewarding. I've heard many sober people say this. I'm 22 years old, and if I have to abstain for my entire life, I'll be full of contempt.

Sometimes, I think that I can enjoy sobriety. I do. I love sitting in a coffee shop, reading, or drawing. I enjoy writing. I love sport, both playing and watching, and I love my family. Great.

But sometimes I just want to get out of my own head, cut loose and blow out.

I guess I need to defeat that mode of thinking. I feel like I've been sent to the naughty corner at school, but in this instance I'm the teacher and the pupil, and it looks like I'm gonna be in that corner forever, facing the wall while the rest of the class throw paper aeroplanes.

Just to let you know, I'm blogging my 100 days if you want to follow:

https://potionsandpills.wordpress.com/

[Rainbowfairy]

Dear MisterSaunders,

I think after the habit is broken, whatever issue the addiction was "treating" will emerge. You then have the choice to numb it again, or work with it. It doesn't have to be a traumatic issue, it could be boredom through lack of stimulation, in which case, sobriety is an opportunity to find stimulation that expands yourself, rather than limits it. Also, when we have been using stimulants (legal or illegal) it can take a while for our brains to reset, so in the interim, we may still crave a "high" - this is a precarious time, but the need for the high will diminish, provided we quit scratching the itch.

Congratulations on your commitment to the 100 days, that's brave first step. I am in the middle of a similar commitment to quitting sugar and nicotine - caffeine is next.

[gayleggg]

I can see how quitting all three of those at once would make life difficult. I gave up cigarettes 20 years ago and its the best thing that's happened to me. I could probably give up coffee if I needed too, but giving up sugar would be really next to impossible.

Keep up the good work. At the end of the hundred days you will be so glad you quit.

[roads]

I stayed sober for ten yrs, faced a crisis and chose drinking over suicide as a coping method. But I knew this was temporary, and it took me a month to get a handle on the cap hanged thrust upon me. But I did get sober again. That time I discovered fiction writing as a coping method. I would write drunken escapes, I'd write myself drunk to the edge of sanity. And contemplate doing what my rage and fear drove me toward.

I found a wonderful T whom I worked with for seven years, and by then I had confronted and accepted the triggers. Of course new ones come along, but one day (or hour) at a time--and with the constant support of my support group--the past 21 yrs have been much easier than the first ten.

My best to you. You can do this, and it's probably worth the work.

roads

[Altered Moment]

I'm 22 years old, and if I have to abstain for my entire life, I'll be full of contempt.

Might seem that way but the contempt won't last forever. It is a very difficult process you are in the middle of. Takes time.

For me I was giving up my best friend, alcohol. Once I was ready to give it up for good I still had to grieve it. I still had to get really pissed about why others could drink normally and I couldn't.

Best not to think about the whole future. That's why we do it one day at a time. Go your 100 days and see how you feel then. In the mean time don't think about it as the rest of your life. Alcohol and all the others will always be there.

[MisterSaunders]

Thanks all!

Zinco, you speak with a lot of wisdom and I really appreciate that.

A few things I've left out. For the last 4 months I have been drinking with naltrexone. This has drastically changed my relationship with alcohol - I don't go on until the sun rises when I do drink. Has it 'cured' my drinking problem? No. My first port of call when I want a release is a vodka martini. This makes me think that my drinking problem is behavioural, rather than chemical/biological, and im hoping that I can change these habits, and drink without serious problems in the future.

But hey ho. What do I know? Im prepared for the discovery that this is denial/wishful thinking. In the meantime, green tea in the local cafe and a well written novel will be my weekend highlight. Who knows. I may even sneak a Dr Pepper.

[MisterSaunders]

Originally Posted by roads

I stayed sober for ten yrs, faced a crisis and chose drinking over suicide as a coping method. But I knew this was temporary, and it took me a month to get a handle on the cap hanged thrust upon me. But I did get sober again. That time I discovered fiction writing as a coping method. I would write drunken escapes, I'd write myself drunk to the edge of sanity. And contemplate doing what my rage and fear drove me toward.

I found a wonderful T whom I worked with for seven years, and by then I had confronted and accepted the triggers. Of course new ones come along, but one day (or hour) at a time--and with the constant support of my support group--the past 21 yrs have been much easier than the first ten.

My best to you. You can do this, and it's probably worth the work.

roads

I can relate to the writing thing. I used to do that. Drawing was worse. I lived in Italy for a few months, and one of the best, and perhaps most alcoholic days of my life was spent stumbling alone around Rome, drawing a portrait in different bars. Amazing day, but smacks of mental health issues!

Not sure my writing is at it's best when I'm in this state. It's all so negative.

You're right though. I'll get through this

[glok]

Hello, MisterSaunders. I wish you well in finding the positives in what you are doing. Life goals are important too.

Dimensions of Wellness

[MisterSaunders]

Thanks. This is going to be tough. I've just been to play football with my friends. It was great while we were playing, until time was up and everyone descended to the pub. Obviously, ordinarily I am the main pub instigator, so you can imagine everyone's surprise when I told them I was going home.

I wish I had no friends!!! This would be much easier! It's annoying, because football was one of the ways I planned to find an outlet. It's the presentation evening tomorrow night for our football team, and I've already said I'm not going. Sorry to winge and moan. I'll man up in the morning.