[CalmingOcean]

**sorry I thnk this comes with a trigger warning, I'm not great at recognizing triggers for myself let alone anyone else**

I can't get this thought out of my mind.

If just once, I steal again, one time, will I get to the extreme I once did?

If I drink just once, one time, will I yearn to finish the bottle, will two drinks be too much? Would that be so wrong?

If just one hit, would that make me delve back into the life I once had- this one, I have no desire for, but my last time was 5+ years ago.

Does it really take that ****ing long for the wanting, the needing, to subside? Jesus, it's sometimes like torchure.

That's why I think I hold on to my 'last things' with all my might (ED and SI) and refuse to acknowledge the feelings associated with them. It's all a bit overwhelming. Not to mention just coming to light in dealing with my CPTSD. :/

I'm scared to be too needy for my friends or even my T. I've faction end such the 'perfect' exsistance, sure I fell apart at times, but everyone does. No one ever knew it was this deep.

[atomicc]

I'm sorry you're struggling so much right now. I hope you will be able to stay strong and continue to battle your addictions. I think it really does take a long time to stop wanting to, or thinking about it. Maybe it'll always be there, some where inside you, but you are strong enough not to listen.

[Altered Moment]

Probably the scariest thing would be to have three drinks and nothing bad happens. Then I would think I could drink normally. Probably in the vast majority of cases going back ends up worse even if it takes some time.

Unfortunately giving up addictions can make every thing else much harder to deal with. It is how we coped and then we don't have it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[splitimage]

My last "just one" turned into a 3 day binge involving 60 oz of Irish Whiskey, that came pretty close to killing me. I had a seizure and stopped breathing at one point, thankfully I restarted.

I'd been on the "one won't hurt", "It won't be that bad" bandwagon for a few years, regularly relapsing - until that last relapse that almost was final literally.

Now I'm under no illusions that i can ever drink "normally". Yes I still get wicked cravings, but I'm channeling them into knitting, since you can't knit and drink. It may sound lame, but it's working for me.

You never know when your "just one" might be your last.

splitimage

[CalmingOcean]

Wow thank you everyone, I held out for yet another week(end).

I am reeeeeqlly working on healthier coping mechanisms.

These were all very touching. T'was a bad day in group.