[ramirorico]

I'm 49 years old and I've been in about 13 rehab facilities in my life. The first time I went to an AA meeting I was 18 years old and everyone was over 30. I thought to myself, these are all old people!

Now, I'm the old guy at meetings.

I'm going to be leaving the rehab I'm currently living in, in a few weeks, and I really don't want to go to AA meetings every day. I know that 12-step programs help us grow spiritually. That they allow us to see there is a way to live peacefully within ourselves and the world around us. And they help us learn to forgive ourselves.

One of the main side-benefits I get out of going to AA meetings is that I get to meet new people to talk to, which allows me to give up my old friendships.

But all the people at AA meetings talk about the same things!

Do you have any ideas on how I can maintain my sobriety without going to AA meetings every day of the week? I also don't want to get a sponsor :-(

[Ceimoj]

For me, I can't imagine being able to stay sober without attending 12-step meetings regularly. For me, its about always being around the message and having humility to understand that I don't know it all. Having a sponsor helps with this humility as well.

I truly enjoy the fellowship I receive at meetings, and my 12-step fellowship has opened a wonderful world to me.

I originally didn't like 12-step meetings much either. But I realized that my way wasn't working very well, so I decided to try the 12-step program the way it was suggested. I stopped looking for the 'easier, softer way.'

From your profile I see you live in the San Francisco area. From what I understand, there is a great 12-step community in the SF Bay area, you are fortunate to live in such a great place for recovery.

With all of this said, perhaps there is a path to continuous sobriety that doesn't include regular 12-step meetings and/or a sponsor, but I haven't found it. I wish you luck in your search.

[splitimage]

2 takes on my reply.

First, nowhere in the big book, does it say you have to go to meetings every day. Go as many times a week as you feel helpful. I know I was told to go to a meeting every day when I started too, but sorry - I had a life. I found going to 3-4 meetings a week was enough for me.

Second, there are alternatives to AA that people can and do use to help them stay sober. They just aren't as prevalent as AA. There is SMART recovery which uses CBT and REBT to help members, and SOS (Secular Organization for Sobriety). I've never been to either, but know people who attend one or the other and find them helpful.

My personal recovery program is Women for Sobriety.

splitimage

[Altered Moment]

I know that 12-step programs help us grow spiritually. That they allow us to see there is a way to live peacefully within ourselves and the world around us. And they help us learn to forgive ourselves.

One of the main side-benefits I get out of going to AA meetings is that I get to meet new people to talk to, which allows me to give up my old friendships.

Those are benefits but the primary benefit is maintaining sobriety. The primary purpose is to stay sober and help others stay sober. It doesn't have to be everyday just enough to maintain sobriety.

If you have been in rehab 13 times do you understand why you have relapsed? Did they teach about the relapse process? Are you already setting your self up for relapse? There are other ways to stay sober besides AA but are those available to you? Are you implementing a plan to stay sober if not AA?

[ramirorico]

Thanks to all you guys for the great advice.

Splitimage said, "I know I was told to go to a meeting every day when I started too, but sorry - I had a life. I found going to 3-4 meetings a week was enough for me."

That's what people are telling me now! Go to a meeting every day, blah blah.

I know it's important to go to meetings, but I just may take zinco14532323's advice and just look at meetings as a place to help me stay sober and not worry about how often I go.

[Petra5ed]

It's especially important to go to them early on. As years go by and you get more comfortable and used to being sober, you can probably stop. It's not recommended, it's something they'll tell you not to do, but I know many people with multiple years of sobriety that have finished with meetings and remain sober. However, on the other hand I know other people that say they'll always need meetings to stay sober.

It's a total lifestyle change, so it will require some effort. Think of it that way. Maybe look for a meeting of older people. I don't think you're really that old for AA, maybe you just went to a younger crowd kind of club. just keep in mind, addiction of any kind is a way worse lifestyle than an AA meeting! And I'm not even a fan of meetings, LOL. I personally got burned out on the focus on how "sick" we all "are" and just cant take them any more.

[mountain human]

I try finding different meetings in different areas...still hear a lot of the same stuff, but get a fresh perspective too...the same meetings get too comfortable so I have to force myself to mix things up so they don't get stale and dull...

[Altered Moment]

I think a lot depends on how much you have to do. If you are in your new place staring at four walls all day then more meetings and service might be good. If you are out and about all day doing stuff then maybe less meetings.

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