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  #1  
Old Sep 19, 2014, 03:31 PM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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PLEASE HELP!

I gave up drugs (weed, coke, E, speed) over 15 years ago, plus quit smoking almost 5 years ago..yet I am having the most intense cravings of my life I have never had cravings like it, not even in the early days of stopping the drugs.

I am uncovering some very deep and painful stuff in therapy, and I know its all related, and I know too that it will pass. But I am worried right now, can someone please give me some words of advice/support?
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  #2  
Old Sep 19, 2014, 06:15 PM
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ramirorico ramirorico is offline
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Hi HealingTimes,

You may want to go to a few AA meetings tonight and tomorrow, and for as long as you have those intense cravings. You'll be in a safe environment at an AA meeting. You don't have to talk, just sit and listen.

I know what you're going through. When I first got out of rehab years ago, I used to go to 2 or 3 meetings a day and it really helps. Trust me.

Your therapist is also a good person to talk to about your cravings. You can even stop therapy for a few sessions if it is really causing you this much stress. I know those old pains can hit hard, but it'll pass.

Accept the feelings. Welcome them. Say hello. Ask your feelings what they're trying to teach you.

Have you tried any DBT classes?
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  #3  
Old Sep 19, 2014, 06:16 PM
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gma45 gma45 is offline
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Hi HealingTimes, I am sorry this is what you are having to deal with right now. You are right if you are in therapy and are getting deep and painful stuff to surface it is making you have thoughts of using. It will pass! Pull out everything you have used to calm yourself in the last 15 years and use it---like deep breathing, taking a warm bath, taking a walk, calling a friend please just anything besides using drugs. It is so not worth 15 years of sobriety! Remember one day at a time, and when we feel like that sometimes it's one minute at a time but you can do it! You have the tools use them. Also remember the things that are coming up are feelings of the past not of today! You are stronger now than you were when you had those feelings. PM me if you want to talk.
  #4  
Old Sep 20, 2014, 04:42 PM
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Velouria Velouria is offline
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Whenever I have a craving to drink or do drugs I think about how miserable and what a mess I was at my worst, what I was about to lose (my job was hanging by a thread, for one), and how it'll be exactly the same way, and probably worse, if I go back to it. It's a pretty strong deterrent for me.

When I quit, my dad gave me a good mantra to tell myself if I thought about drinking again: "It's not important." Because really, what is it going to do for me? Aside from likely ruin everything that is important to me?

The stuff that you're uncovering in therapy, although very painful, will not kill you. The drugs probably will.

I hope you come through this even better than you were before.
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"Every person, on the foundation of his or her own sufferings and joys, builds for all." ~Albert Camus

Cymbalta, 60mg -- for the depression.
Latuda, 40mg -- for the paranoia (delusional type).
Adderall, 40mg XR & 5 mg reg -- for the ADD.
Xanax, .5 mg as needed -- for the anxiety.
Topamax, 50mg -- still figuring this one out.

MDD, but possibly have some form of Bipolar Disorder. Then again, I could be paranoid . . .

Well, at least I still have my sense of humor.
Thanks for this!
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  #5  
Old Sep 20, 2014, 04:46 PM
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allme allme is offline
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Hi

I know how hard it is but remember 'the drugs don't work'! You are in pain now but if you go down that road, the pain will increase tenfold down the line.

You have done so amazingly well, don't cave in now, you have come too far!

Definitely reach out to aa or whoever you have local to you. I think this may be vital for you to keep yourself safe.

When the cravings get bad again, just remember why you went off them in the first place!

You can do it!!
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’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’

15 years clean...now having cravings.
  #6  
Old Sep 20, 2014, 04:58 PM
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I have rarely had cravings in the last 19 years. I dunno why. Luck I guess.

When I have had them is when I am in the deepest of depressions and the anxiety is overwhelming. Alcohol becomes very appealing. I know it will make the depression worse but I also know it would kill the anxiety at least for awhile and it is that I want escape from. I came so close a year or so ago. I just refused to give up that sober time and talked to my pdoc about the anxiety.

Going through the pain and processing those hurts will get you to healing and to the other side. The drugs will just stuff em back down so they still plague you.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

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Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

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  #7  
Old Sep 22, 2014, 08:14 AM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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I am STILL experiencing these cravings...I don't know what to do I think my clean-ness is seriously at risk

We don't have any group meetings here at all, and the only person that knows about my previous drug use is my T and I cant see her until Thursday.

trying so desperately NOT to do anything...I am a single mum with 2 young children, I CANT do this to them....
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  #8  
Old Sep 22, 2014, 11:12 AM
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Can you find anyone you can talk to about it besides you T. Very difficult to do this alone.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
  #9  
Old Sep 22, 2014, 12:14 PM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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I have nobody to talk to about it, hence posting here I am wondering if I should call my therapist and talk to her...
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“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
  #10  
Old Sep 22, 2014, 12:40 PM
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Altered Moment Altered Moment is offline
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Worth a try. And yes talking to us counts.
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
  #11  
Old Sep 22, 2014, 12:42 PM
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mountain human mountain human is offline
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Hi, HT, saw your posts, I think you may be able to find 12 step meetings online. I've also been clean and sober for lots of years but suffer from social anxiety, which makes meetings (especially talking at meetings) hard. As was mentioned, any type of support group will help, maybe your therapist has a resource. I too have fantasies of getting high but I know of course that I will go downhill pretty fast afterward...I won't take psych meds either cause I believe I just want some chemical to make me feel better. Not judging anyone on meds. Just my own thing. Keep in touch with us before you take that 1st drink or hit.
  #12  
Old Sep 23, 2014, 08:06 AM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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Thank you everyone.

Its abit of a shock to have such intense cravings after all this time. I definitely know that its related to bringing painful things up in therapy, a lot of that centres around my teenage years, which is also when my drug use was bad.
I know it'll pass, that's what I keep on reminding myself of.

I really want to talk to my T about this, but having never taken illegal drugs before, I don't think she'd get it.
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“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
  #13  
Old Sep 23, 2014, 08:08 AM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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Mountain- I am the same with meds, I don't take any either, for the same reasons as you.
I want to BE better, not just FEEL better (in regards to depression and other MH stuff I mean).
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“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
  #14  
Old Sep 24, 2014, 03:42 PM
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mountain human mountain human is offline
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My researching this indicates that anti-anxiety meds, like alcohol and street drugs, only mask the symptoms temporarily, but the problem keeps growing. I also want to be healthy emotionally but will accept feeling better too!
  #15  
Old Sep 25, 2014, 10:53 AM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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So I chatted to my therapist today about this. Although she cant fully understand it, as she has never taken drugs before, she was really good about it and tried her hardest to understand.

The intense cravings are passing, slowly.
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“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
  #16  
Old Sep 25, 2014, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HealingTimes View Post
So I chatted to my therapist today about this. Although she cant fully understand it, as she has never taken drugs before, she was really good about it and tried her hardest to understand.

The intense cravings are passing, slowly.
Thats good. You can do this!!!!
__________________
The "paradox" is only a conflict between reality and your feeling of what reality "ought to be." -- Richard Feynman

Major Depressive Disorder
Anxiety Disorder with some paranoid delusions thrown in for fun.
Recovering Alcoholic and Addict
Possibly on low end of bi polar spectrum...trying to decide.

Male, 50

Fetzima 80mg
Lamictal 100mg
Remeron 30mg for sleep
Klonopin .5mg twice a day, cutting this back
  #17  
Old Sep 28, 2014, 08:59 AM
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allme allme is offline
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How is it going?
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’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’

15 years clean...now having cravings.
  #18  
Old Sep 28, 2014, 01:48 PM
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HealingTimes HealingTimes is offline
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Hi Allme, its going OK, thanks for asking. I have been doing a lot of writing and thinking about where these cravings have come from.

I know its not the actual drugs that I miss, its just that I have a strong desire to 'get out of my own head' and quiet the voices inside, if you know what I mean?
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“Change, like healing, takes time.”. Veronica Roth, Allegiant
  #19  
Old Sep 28, 2014, 04:14 PM
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allme allme is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HealingTimes View Post
Hi Allme, its going OK, thanks for asking. I have been doing a lot of writing and thinking about where these cravings have come from.

I know its not the actual drugs that I miss, its just that I have a strong desire to 'get out of my own head' and quiet the voices inside, if you know what I mean?
Yes, sadly I know exactly what you mean.

You are doing so well, keep it up!
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’’In the end, it’s not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away’’

15 years clean...now having cravings.
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