[AllyIsHopeful]

I have been highly addicted to Hydrocodone for a couple years now. I've heard crazy stories of 20 or more pills per day and it kind of makes me feel silly calling my slow build-up to 6-8 per day an addiction.

Originally the prescription was given to me for a purpose and for about a year I kept receiving refills. I won't mention how the addiction continued after those prescriptions stopped....but they did, and it got much worse. Once I realized it helped more than my physical pain I began self-medicating for anxiety, depression, and overall mood elevation.

Long story short I have a couple questions and concerns I am hoping someone will be able to help me with.

1. How long does it take for the high intensity of withdrawing to subside? Will the cravings ever die down or will I live like this forever? I seriously go through some insane moments where I feel I'll die if I don't get my hands on pain killers.

Opiates are so deceiving, yet charming. I feel amazing when I take them (mentally) and it is so great to actually feel again!

2. Could this be why my antidepressants and anxiety meds don't work, or why I am so resistant to those meds?

If so....

3. Given time, will I ever reap the benefits of antidepressants and be able to live a *normal* life again? Or have I messed everything up entirely?

Lastly...

4. I noticed I feel flat. Sometimes I feel sadness and despair with lots of tears, but mostly I feel numb. Nothing excites me or makes me feel happy. I have zero interests. I do force myself to exercise and have been making efforts to socialize now and then....it's just not the same anymore. It's not enjoyable. I literally look forward to nothing and I envision my future as a "black hole". Is this due to over a year of dependency on hydros? Will I ever get my feelings back?

I am seriously scared over this because if this is going to be life until I'm old and grey, I don't see the point of remaining in this human existence any longer.

Please help. I could really use support right now. I'm at a complete loss and feel so hopeless.

[allme]

Hi

Sorry I don't have the answers to your questions, but I am here to give you support. I also have drug problems...mainly tramadol and kratom right now and before that is was subutex so I totally get the opiate addiction.

You are very brave and I applaud you for making the decision to quit it all. I tried to quit it all but my depression and anxiety were too much to bear so I decided I would rather be an addict. The problem with that is, you lose sight of who you really are and everything becomes a haze.

Good for you!

You have to give it time. Give it a good few months before you are back to 'normal'. Google 'Paws' if you don't already know about it. Paws is a depression that comes after opiate abuse.

I hope you have a support network in place. This is crucial to your recovery.

Also, maybe ask the doctor if there is anything he can give you to help cope with initial withdrawals?

Also, Kratom can be used to cope with opiate withdrawals but only in small amounts and for a short period of time.

Re Kratom, - it is not legal in every country so you will need to check on that first if you decide to go down that road.

Best of luck

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by allme

Hi

Sorry I don't have the answers to your questions, but I am here to give you support. I also have drug problems...mainly tramadol and kratom right now and before that is was subutex so I totally get the opiate addiction.

You are very brave and I applaud you for making the decision to quit it all. I tried to quit it all but my depression and anxiety were too much to bear so I decided I would rather be an addict. The problem with that is, you lose sight of who you really are and everything becomes a haze.

Good for you!

You have to give it time. Give it a good few months before you are back to 'normal'. Google 'Paws' if you don't already know about it. Paws is a depression that comes after opiate abuse.

I hope you have a support network in place. This is crucial to your recovery.

Also, maybe ask the doctor if there is anything he can give you to help cope with initial withdrawals?

Also, Kratom can be used to cope with opiate withdrawals but only in small amounts and for a short period of time.

Re Kratom, - it is not legal in every country so you will need to check on that first if you decide to go down that road.

Best of luck

I do actually use Kratom and I have found it to be helpful mostly for the physical withdrawals. It doesn't do much for my mood and I'm at a weird crossroad where my smaller, usual dose doesn't help anymore but slightly increasing it makes me feel so hungover within hours.

I don't have a big support system with this issue. It is one of my dearest relatives who is actually enabling it. I know I should "just say no" but it is so hard.

[atomicc]

I don't have experience with particular withdrawal, but it would make sense that after using this drug to feel, once you are no longer using it it would be hard to feel again. I don't think it is impossible, but you will have to learn new and healthier ways of feeling and being happy.
Yes, I do think that using can stop your anti-depressants and other meds from working. Hopefully they will work for you when you are clean! hang in there, you are very brave for quitting and I hope your journey isn't too hard.

[allme]

Do you have much experience with Kratom? How often do you use it?

[allme]

Don't be hard on yourself like that, if it was as easy as just saying no, we wouldn't be in this place. Maybe give that relative a wide berth while you are trying to quit. The last thing you need is someone enabling it!

[AllyIsHopeful]

Originally Posted by allme

Do you have much experience with Kratom? How often do you use it?

I have quite a bit of experience. I was using it daily but now it is more like every other or every two days. I sent you a PM on this particular topic.

Originally Posted by allme

Don't be hard on yourself like that, if it was as easy as just saying no, we wouldn't be in this place. Maybe give that relative a wide berth while you are trying to quit. The last thing you need is someone enabling it!

I try not to be hard on myself and my partner continuously reminds me "addiction is a disease". I just don't always see it that way and become frustrated that I have such little control. I feel impulsive and gross, like I completely lack self-control. This relative is my grandmother and we are very close...I tell her everything and she is a big support during this depressive time (even though it seems to be lasting forever). I don't have a big support system or many people I can trust with my feelings and am comfortable talking to.

The part that hurts is she knows I have battled addiction with opiates and witnessed me in withdrawal hell for two weeks the first time I stopped. I was clean for 6 months, maybe more. Throughout that time she offered me pain killers left and right. I know she thought she was helping because I have chronic back pain; but each time I told her "You know I stopped those for a reason. I don't want to live a life of addiction anymore". Unfortunately it started again, a few times, and here I am repeating the cycle.

Sorry I took so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read my post, respond, and offer support. I forgot to check this forum for updates.

[junkDNA]

i was addicted to opiates (pills, heroin) for a long time. the first 2 years sober were hell. i developed severe anxiety and social phobia. dont mean to scare u but it is really hard. but i made it and u can too. i wouldnt advise using Kratom though. it is also addictive and has withdrawals. kind of just substituting one drug for another. getting clean takes a lot of commitment to urself. holding urself accountable and taking responsibility for ur life. my life got out of control when i was using. i was doing things i never would have done before. now when i look back on that period of my life i feel like i am not the same person as i used to be. i do not crave opiates at all anymore. but im sure its different for everyone. i hope u can find the courage and strength to take control of ur life again. there is a way out and it involves a lot of support. i went to Intensive Outpatient program and it was really helpful.

[Altered Moment]

I am a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. I used AA to get and stay sober. I was only ever addicted to opiates for a short time and while the withdrawal was hell it didn't last long. Like only a couple of weeks. Vicodin.

I have to say Vicodin was the best antidepressant I have ever found. Most recently while in a severe depression I had a root canal that got infected. They game me Tylenol 3's, like 4 days worth. Poof the depression was gone. I have used it at other times in sobriety for kidney stones, back pain and so on. not very much though. best damn drug there is. Problem is that I know it is not a long term solution. I want to stay sober.

In my opinion it does not affect the antidepressants. The problem is the antidepressants don't work as good. You will have to stay sober and get through the withdrawal and then see how the AD's are working. Maybe they have not been working at all and you will need to change things up. It is really to hard for a doc to treat when we are not sober. To confusing and to many factors. In my experience my depression was worse and much harder to treat after I got sober. I never want to give up my sobriety though. I just have to treat the depression the best I can and deal with life sober.

[waggiedog]

Hello and good evening. Oh yes, sadly I know all about codeine addiction!! It's been in my life for many years on and off but now it's available over the counter, though only by way of ibroprophine and 12mg codeine. Yes, what starts off as small dosses, say 2 tablets, quickly becomes 14 or 15 tablets taken all at once per day ~ a very dangerous overdose everyday. I only do this because of the terrible suicidal depressions bought on by BPD, codeine, as others have rightly said, lifts the mood considerably. It just makes you feel better, and it works fast on an empty stomach. When at last I was given an antidepressant and my mood had slowly lifted, I found I was hopelessly addicted to the codeine/ibrophine tablets. I get the withdrawls which make my shoulders ache badly etc. I've got myself back on a programme which I've done before, I attend the clinic and see the Dr once a week and she'll prescribe me the substitute med, which is Subutex, kinda like methadone (I don't need methadone). These Subutex are still strong painkillers but they are monitored so you have to play everything by the book, which I do. It was getting awful tying to get to different chemists to obtain the tablets, they are under a strict selling code as they know people get addicted fast, if you try and buy more than one box in a month they'll refuse to serve you. Boy that's just sooooooooooooo annoying. Plus of course there's the question of money, they were costing far too much and in the end they were not doing anything except keep away the withdrawls, there was no high at all. HUGS and LOVES.

[HelpSlayr]

I have been using opiate drugs for a year. A high enough dose of kratom which I've got at kratomunderground.com, stops my physical opiate withdrawal, but it does nothing for the cravings and depression.

[Ontario guy]

I was also hooked for 6 years on Percocet. I had a running script for 90 every 10 days. It got the point that I was taking 20 at a time everyday and getting my doctor to release my repeat early. This was a few years ago. I have been clean without any doctors help for 2 years. I tried to just stop but that was hell. So, I weened off myself. It really wasn't that bad, but it took some time. I started with week one, 1 pill less every day. Week 2, 3 pills less, every day. Then at week 7 I was down to 2 pills a day. Week 8, I never filled my script but started buying over the counter Tylenol 1, these have codeine 8mg in them. I would take a few of these for times when I had a unbearable craving. Since they have codeine which is an opiate in them, and I weened off slowly enough that just having 2 tablets was enough to relieve withdrawl symptoms. It took about a full 10 weeks of slowly weening off to be completely rid of opiates with very minimal withdrawl effects. The withdrawl from my method was very manageable and one could easily goto work and not be bothered by it.

[Flip419]

Kratom got me off opiates and subs. Thank God.