truth - (this could trigger)

Hi, I don't like or want to say that I'm addicted to my diet pills, what I tell myself is I'm not addicted, i just don't want to stop and somehow there's a difference in that... But i think I might be lying to myself...
Eating has always been the way I comfort or cope and lots of things have happened snd i didn't cope very well. the first time i was on diet mixture that i used for about 18 months, i think i was only meant to use it for about 4 months i eventually passed out and went to the doctor, i remember him wanting me to stand on the scale snd i was in tears because i still thought i was fat, i weighed 69 kgs and im approx 5,8 feet tall. Anyway i had to stop taking it and after quite a few years i started putting some weight back on during some extremely stressful times in my life, i got to the heaviest ive been about 20 months ago and knew i had to do something or i wasn't coming back, im too embarrassed to even type the weight, im repulsed by it.
I got help from one of my doctors for a prescription diet pill, ive lost 30kgs since then, but 8 months ago i discovered that i have an hereditary heart condition called Wolff parkinson White syndrome, my other doctor who knows that i have been taking the pills said i need to stop or i can drop dead. I'm still taking them... I have so much still to loose, i can't go back to what i was, I'm seeing a psychologist for a few months now and only recently told him about the pills, i haven't told him the depth of the emotions involved, i still get the pills from my other doctor, he doesn't know what the other doctor said to me, i do feel guilty, that's why i think it is an addiction more than a choice to stop or start, when my heart has been racing or my chest hurting etc i can't tell my gp because then he'll know i haven't stopped. I'm such a fool, i just can go back to that.
My psychologist thinks i should go on antidepressants, i have booking to see a psychiatrist in s few weeks, you can't mix these with antidepressants, i don't know what to do, will she try make me stop, im not a minor.
I know I've got to face this but this can't be me, my life, i'ts not who i am!
Im seeing my psychologist on Friday and im considering telling him the full story, i just don't know what to do, have anyone gone through something similar ? I'm sorry if i got the trigger setup wrong i tried to show it like i thought you said.

All the inspiration you need to change is to discover your true self beyond all addictions. The ugliness of addiction robs you of the life you can make for yourself. A life free from the bounds of a condition that is going to kill you soon is within your grasp.

I know, addiction scared me horribly, very nearly to a death bed.

Know this: you can recover!

Thanks, im just so scared, it doesn't feel like this is possible in my life, ive always done the "right" thing, People would be shocked if they knew how I felt inside, it gets really tiring to hide who you are, and living the way people are used to you being, the thought of me possibly been hooked on these pills is something I'm trying to see as not such a bad thing and i can stop if i want to then when i think ok what if i stop and then im too scared to, i suppose i can't acknowledge i do have a problem, when did i get so messed up. Thanks for your reply appreciated it

I think you already know what you need to do. As long as you are alive you have options, but if the diet pills are putting your life in danger then you must stop. Easy for me to say right. There are other ways to deal with weight issues.

I understand. My husband just recently had a heart attack and was told to quit smoking. He says he want's to live a lot longer but is unwilling to give up the cigarettes. He knows what he needs to do but doesn't quit.

All I'm saying is that it is hard to give up a way of life that we have built up, even when it endangers our lives. Please talk to you doctor or therapist about quitting the diet pills. I want to see you live a long life.

thank you, i appreciate your last sentence you almost had me crying , I'm seeing him tomorrow, I'll try my best to do it, Im sorry about gour husband, i hope he is going to be ok, and you, Thankyou for sharing

Hi, i just wanted to say that i spoke with my psychologist today, it was very hard to do, he was very supportive and we will continue with it, im not sure of the outcome yet, but in some sense im relieved that he knows all the ugly truth and i don't have to hide it from him anymore, thank you x