[LaVidaBella]

I'm going to be brutally honest here and even though I struggle immensely w/being vulnerable, I realize I won't get the answers I want or the help I need if I hold anything back.. this is my first time ever posting on any kind of forum, so here goes nothing:

I am 25yo and have been using drugs for the last 12yrs straight. Starting w/pot at 13 and by the age of 18 had escalated into "boosting" on a daily basis to feed an also daily addiction of smoking Oxycontin 80mg and at 20, went to a 5day detox followed by a 30day treatment stay. I ended up bring kicked out of the detox facility early after threatening staff members for not taking action after i had been molested by another female patient - although I can admit to handling the situation wrong, I still feel as though I was treated very unfairly, given the circumstances. I entered the treatment facility and stayed for the entire duration and receiving a "graduation" plaque only to relapse 3 days later w/my roommate from treatment and thats when my love affair w/heroin began which I have now been shooting for almost 5yrs straight now. I am curious as to whether there are others who have had similar experiences to mine and if so, how is your journey to sobriety coming along or if you are still using ((like I am)), how has your addiction affected all areas of your life?

[Altered Moment]

Wecome to PC. I am glad you posted.

I was a hard core addict from 13 until 32. Never got into opiates but the last five years heavy into meth. That crap brought me to my knees. I have been clean and sober twenty years now. 30 day treatment center and NA and AA is how I have done it.

I have known a number of heroine addicts in AA who have lasting sobriety without methadone or sub. Many people are on methadone or sub. I think opiates have the highest relapse rate. Very tough but it can be done. There are people here who have done it. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with methadone or sub as a part of treatment. Opiates are so powerful. I have had my share of experience with them but was able to stop before it got out of hand. This was before prescription opiates were all over the place. Much harder to get now I think because they really cracked down on it. My buddy told me one tab of oxy costs 80 bucks. Heroin is pure and dirt cheap now. What are your going to do but go to heroin.

Addiction totally affected every area of my life and it was bigger than me. You can do it though. I did and so have millions of others.

[MrPink182]

Watch out with Suboxone. That is one hell of a drug to come off of.....such a long half life.

I was addicted to opiates, and then subs, and then I found my savior.............KRATOM!

It can be addicting as well, but it is such a walk in the park compared to methadone and subs. Look it up. It might really work for you.

Good luck!
Opiates are so evil.

[allme]

Originally Posted by MrPink182

Watch out with Suboxone. That is one hell of a drug to come off of.....such a long half life.

I was addicted to opiates, and then subs, and then I found my savior.............KRATOM!

It can be addicting as well, but it is such a walk in the park compared to methadone and subs. Look it up. It might really work for you.

Good luck!
Opiates are so evil.

I also found Kratom and it has been a life saver! I was addicted to subs and other stuff until I found Kratom. Not only have I come off the subs but also I have been depression free since starting it!

Note: it isn't legal everywhere, I am speaking form the UK where it is legal

To the OP: I would also highly recommend you look up kratom...it is a far cry from what you are doing now and so much safer...no one has ever died using Kratom and also healthier than what you are doing now.

What kind of effects does Kratom have on a person?

[lbergin79]

Thank you for sharing your story. I can relate. I wrestle with my demons as well and it can be very exhausting at times. It takes mindfulness, support, perseverance and love to beat the demons we fight. My demon is also heroin. I started using at 12, weed, booze, pills, whatever I could get my hands on. I graduated to opitates at 15 and didn't stop until I was 26. I had tried therapy, out patient programs and nothing helped because bottom line i wasn't ready. Things finally came to a head and I stopped using at the age of 26. I kicked opiates cold turkey on my mothers couch. From that point I started going to NA meetings and working the 12 steps. It helped immensely for me. Being able to identify with people who were just like me. Working the 12 steps to help me identify my thoughts and behaviors. Once I knew how I functioned I was able to change how I thought and behaved. I stayed clean for almost 4 years by going to meetings and doing step work. I ended up relapsing 1 month before my 4 year anniversary. I started using again because I was extremely post postpartum after having my daughter. I had stopped going to meetings, stopped doing step work and stopped connecting with the network of friends I had built of the 4 years. I used again for another 2 years only this time I had graduated to heroin. I was 30 years old when I started shooting heroin. I created a lot of destruction of those 2 years that I was using. As it always done, things came to a head. I got arrested with my 2 year old daughter in the car. I was out committing crimes with her to support my raging heroin habit. I put myself and my daughter in dangerous situations. Any right minded person would not do the things I was doing to support my habit. Then again, being addicted you are not in your right mind. I justified and rationalized all my behaviors. Anyways, I got clean again and stayed clean for 2 more years. Those 2 years were complete hell. Just as bad as if I were getting high. I suffered tremendously from PTSD and Rapid Cycle Bipolar Disorder. I was a lab rat in regards to medications. It took the 2 years of trial and error on meds to finally find the right combination. Things were going well for me. I was thinking clearly, I wasn't manic or depressed. I finally was able to obtain part time employment. I started paying of debt due to the wreckage of my past. I became a real mother to my daughter. Like I said, things were going well. Then, I started getting high again. I am yet to figure out why I started to use again. So far what I have come up with is self sabotage and self destruction. Maybe subconsciously I do not feel as though I deserve anything good in my life so therefore I destroy it when it starts to get good. Right now I am in the process of weening myself off heroin. I live with my mother and thank god for her. She is truly an angel. She tries to help me so much and tries so hard to understand my mental health and addiction. She is helping me ween and I am so grateful for it. Today is day 2 of the weening process. I cant promise anyone anthing. All I can do is try my best and start doing what has kept me clean in the past. I am going to start back at NA meetings and doing step work. I am going to rebuild that network I lost long ago. I don't know what process you will have to keep yourself clean, all I can tell you is my story and what has worked for me. NA meetings and step work. That is the only thing that has kept me clean. This is a process of self acceptance, self love and self respect. I believe I use due to some sort of self hatred. My process is to find my demons and conquer them. I have done it in the past and I know I can do it again with the support of my family and people I know and meet at meetings. I know I can not due this alone. I don't know if any of this has helped you, I hope something I said has. My advice to you is to give yourself a break. Believe in yourself. Be honest with yourself. Start treating yourself as you would treat your best friend. Go to meetings, get help. You don't have to do this alone. Addiction is a disease not a moral failing. You are not a bad person, you are not a defective person. You are a sick person that wants and is trying to get better. I believe in you. I hope you believe in you too. Thanks for listening...well reading LOL

[Fallindown]

Heroin was an addiction for me on and off for 18 years until two months ago when I got a bag so strong that it would have killed me had it had been a normal weight. As much as I loved it I realized that I don't want to die with a needle in my arm.
F.D.

I was/am a heroin addict. I was on methadone for a few years and suboxone for a year. Both were really awful to be on and worse than heroin to get off of (way longer half life). However, sometimes they are necessary... up to you. I know of doctors who overprescribe and I know of doctors who refuse to prescribe. At one point I was forced to go off cold turkey because I moved and the system told me to just put up with the withdrawals since surely I was strong enough if I had already lasted a few days of withdrawal... I was also in rehab twice, detox 10 times. Now I have almost a year clean. It can be done but it isn't easy. I find figuring out my life very challenging since I feel like I lost most of my life to drugs.