Daily addiction check in #1

As it turns out, the quiet weekend at home is not happening. I guess neither of us can say no to Friday lol

120 days, but 2 more days til I hit 4 months!

I'm in some horrible pain atm, had an outpatient back surgery yesterday. Hopefully, it will get better over the next cp hole of days. It iss a little better than yesterday, so that's good.

25 days is meaningful. Every day is meaningful. Sneaking up on a moth- nice!

Awesome - stay out in front of me so I know which way to go!

How did you decide to manage post surgical pain?

That sucks. I hope you don't go too deep into the abyss and that you surface soon.

Which is also a third of a year!!! I think yearly reports sound much more encouraging!

I'm glad you're feeling better. I have rotator cup surgery scheduled for November 17. It's supposed to be an especially painful recovery. I hevn't made up my mind about what to do about pain pills yet.

I had my shoulder done a couple of years ago. Be sure to move it in PT even when it hurts. They had to do mine a second time because I let too much scar tissue form. They weren't sure how bad pain would be in recovery, so they gave me scrips for different strengths. I filled them all and got buzzed up pretty good. In between the two surgeries, I went back in whining and got more. Second surgery - a whole nother set of scrips and a couple of more whining visits. That's what not to do about pain pills...

Right now, I've still just got the tramadol. One of the nurses, as she was getting me ready to leave, said if the tramadol isn't enough, to call and ask for something stronger. Yesterday was horrible. Today is a little better. I took a tramadol and some Advil. I'm not supposed to take NSAIDs because of stomach stuff, but I figure a few days won't hurt anything. Before I was taking multiple NSAIDs everyday, for a long time. Right now, tho, I'm doing okay. It hurts, don't get me wrong, but I'm okay.

So I am not drinking but depends what these weekend holds and what happens I have to go over to my moms house for thanksgiving the one place I don't wanna go or be and she wants me there early...hopefully it's only to tend to the meal and not to the cleaning she never comes over to clean my house so why do I need to come over to clean her house!!

Holidays can be stressful, so I'm glad you're preparing yourself for Canadian Thanksgiving. Can't you just tell your mother that you can't go over to her house to clean? Maybe it's just me, but that's a lot to ask. As far as drinking goes, I hope you have numbers of some women in recovery, or close friends you can call if the stress starts to get to you. Since you have over two years of sobriety, I'm pretty sure you have enough strength to hang on. For the record, I hate holidays, too!

I worry more about weight than anything else around the holidays. I won't go to holiday parties unless my wife does also and I have not drank in her presence in years. She treats one of my previous failed attempts as "when I quit" and acknowledges that I have had slips since but publicly with her and in her social circle I have been a non drinker. She also very rarely drinks in my presence. My oldest turned 21 late last year and drinks responsibly (as far as I know) so far. He was a really good student that almost never was in any trouble in HS and will graduate college in the spring with a high GPA, references from professors and probably a job in hand. But I will likely see him drink a time or two over the holidays. I will have the hard talk with him about locking temptation away and about the possible genetic link.

Right. 6 hours and we are out of money and dope lol. Vive le quiet weekend... Lmao

I am sorry you are out of money.

Quiet is good. You seem in better spirits than when you posted a few days ago. I hope things are going better.

Much better spirits now ;3 Time for regret tomorrow lol

Dope? Should I ask?

Dope, nicer ways of saying some other things in my head, sorry for being unclear. I don't know what I am allowed to say here and what will get me arrested lmao
All ï can ask is that you do not make fun of me

Geeze my friends are making me feel uncomfortable one of them in particular their ungratefulness is radiating all over the map.

Man I don't get why they always bug me and my other friends it's petty but I had to place myself away from them and their antics to decide my boots were there boots insane right?

I had an "out of control dream" this morning. I quit smoking cigarettes three years ago & I was smoking in my dream. I also remember searching in a bag; I don't know if I was searching for alcohol, or not. I haven't had a drinking dream in a long time, but the thought I might have been looking for a bottle startled me awake. I'm going on a month without a meeting & I wonder if the lack of IRL support is putting me in an awkward place. Depression is a dog from hell.

Sometimes depression is a level below hell. I am slightly hypo today, but I think slightly less than yesterday. No urges but sometimes I wonder if brain chemical highs keep the longing for euphorics from diminishing much. A longing is different than an urge; no immediate plans or thoughts of using. Longings are much harder to shake.

One day shy of 4 months...

I am in a lot of pain from the surgery. Anytime I have to stand up or walk or changer positions or go to the bathroom... It hurts so bad.

I still just have the tramadol. I'm fighting thoughts and urges to take it sooner than I'm supposed to or to take 4 a day instead of 3... It just seems like it's not helping at all. I know, logically, it is. It's keeping the pain from getting worse. But I'm reaching the limit of what I can handle...

Ugh...

I wonder if your surgery would have been a candidate for a pain ball. It's sort of like an IV, but it is local delivered to the right spot. The medicine is in a ball that shrinks and can be wrapped as a big lump in an ace bandage.

One day short of a third of a year, childofchaos, & here you are in terrible pain! I'm so sorry you're going through this! I'm on tramadol for my shoulder & know that it only does a minimum to reduce severe pain. Is there anyone in your life who might be able to dispense something stronger in the prescribed dosage? That's something I've considered after my surgery because I've heard it hurts like a mother. As long as you're following doctor's ordfers for taking them, I think it's OK to take something stronger for pain...That's just me, though. I have no idea how something stronger will make me feel inside my head. If it messes me up too much, I'll just bite the bullet & take the pain. Your pain aside, we'll make sure to celebrate your third of a year tomorrow! That's a huge landmark!

Sidenote: After entering my comments, I saw UpDownAround's suggestion. I'd never heard of a pain ball, but that sounds like something that might be worth trying. I'm certainly going to look into it.

People are not taking me seriously at my residence or on the crisis lines about something totally different but I cannot understand how they can just tell you "take care of yourself for the rest of the day!" That's what I have been doing 24/7 but no one understands what's happening it's like they believe this or that they failed to listen I hate them all even my GP the man who I thought would listen to me

We understand here, greentires, because we've all been where you are now if I'm reading correctly. Emotional pain is invisible to others, so they can deny it exists. Keep posting here. We've got your back. If there's anything we can do or write to help you out, let us know!

I cranked my Dixie chicks to piss off everyone who hates country music I am at the point where people who live here on my floor who hate me because of unknown reasons that's none of their business I fell on Ice last winter and was on crutches for 6 months and a cane for 2 months and now wear an ugly brace that I swear does sh.t...I slipped on ice while delivering papers not because I had control over I fractured a bone in my foot even!