Daily addiction check in #1

Wow. Really embarrassed myself using in front of a friend who really was not into that. So embarrassed and ashamed.

Drinking and using has had a heavy toll on my friendships over the years. The friends that used with me mostly didn't stick around either.

What kind of concrete actions are you willing to take to break the cycle? If you're in Canada, are the rehab facilities available at a reasonable cost? I've heard that meth addiction is a particularly tough habit to kick. Maybe you need outside help. That's for you to decide, though.

Ten minutes to midnight...Almost time to celebtrate childofchaos's third of a year!!!

8mins to 9pm here

Whoops! I don't know what timezone childofchaos is in! Good point, greentires!

HAPPY SOBRIETY ANNIVERSARY, childofchaos!!! A third of a year is a huge accomplishment! Good luck keeping it up one day at a time!

It's turkey day today it looks to be clear and sunny outside amazing but I bet ya it's frosty!

If you wish anyone to go suck a goat I know it's my way of telling someone off...I totally disapprove of at least a couple people on a different forum apparently I know nothing when all they talk about themselves and their so called horrible life!

Anyways I am still sober 819days to be exact!

Happy Thanksgiving, greentires! I hope it's a stress-free day!

Well I am already stressed out the lab is closed for the weekend can't get my blood withdrawn shoulda done it yesterday but sh.t went down that prevented me from doing that!

My mom stresses me out the most I am not in the mood whatsoever ever to go over there I hate the fact of it all together!

My anxiety is in the pit of my stomach and I just wanna freaken hide!!

Yes, happy turkey day to you!

Quoting myself as I am surprised I got no feedback on this. There are times when my natural euphoria is so intense I feel a little paranoid, like I could get busted for it.

I'm so sorry I missed your post yesterday. I get preoccupied on Saturdays in the fall. It's college football all day long, & very little time spent on the computer. Yesterday my Alma Mater pulled off a big upset, so that threw my attention span off, too.

I quit so long ago that I didn't consider the difference between urges and longings until you brought it up. I guess I did have an urge a few months ago...urges for me only last a few seconds before I ask myself, "What the hell?!" I guess longings are more longterm as you describe them. Ain't euphoria wonderful?! I don't associate them with drinking, though...but I know coming down from highs & dropping into depression has been a constant trigger for you. Enjoy the euphoria while it lasts, & we're here when depression starts to sink in. I think this thread is a wonderful source of support!

I'm sorry to say I'm not doing well, I keep managing the odd day here and there free but I keep going back to the bottle (can). I really need to shake this as it is doing me no good...

Thinking about paying inside for gas to add a can of high test malt liquor is an urge. Having an image I can't shake of sitting under palm trees sipping wine and/or smoking weed 6 or 8 years from now in retirement is a longing.

Since I have been on lamictal, I have only fallen deep once and it was for only 6 days. I have had the low key sulk a few times though. I added wellbutrin because I tended to stay in the sulk until the next ride up and I wanted my "resting spot" to be more center. Sometimes even when I am in the sulk I will get waves of euphoria that pass pretty quickly. I never get them when more depressed.

Starting sobriety is tough; just one more, maybe after this weekend or the beginning of next month...
You just have to take the plunge even if it means literally pouring money down the drain.

Do you ever go to meetings of any kind or see a counselor? Is there someone close to you that you can confide in and have them hold you accountable?

There's no getting around it. Stopping drinking is really hard. I needed treatment to get a sober base. But there are now medications that can help with alcohol cravings that can make it easier, as well as good old antabuse, which makes you sick if you drink. I take it, as I can't afford to take any chances with my sobriety this time around. I'd talk to your Dr. about medication / treatment options.

splitimage

I wouldn't suggest this as ideal but I flushed all my booze down the toilet and didn't go out that day or the next or the next one day turned into multiple days and then a year I stopped the cravings never really stop to be honest even being sober 819days! I used to drink my feelings away and people just think that you'll be happier without it but dealing with those feelings is intense I tell you, but I am dealing with them and do have multiple counsellors for multiple things finally I mean things are being taken care of it only took 5 months of waiting for something and another solid gigizilion times after that to realize that I needed help in different areas of my life.

Screw my pdoc she's too hell bent on thinking "i am spoiled" I am nowhere far from it I just need support in my life which mental health cannot give completely they think they can but they are sadly mistaken! It's a shame really she needs her head adjusted everyone needs to have different areas of expertise while dealing with mental illness and addiction!

I think splitimage is correct in pointing out that treatment gives you a solid base to work with when getting sober. Since you live in the UK, wouldn't your National Health Service cover at least some of the cost of rehab? Rehab isn't the end of the process of getting sober, but it's definitely a beginning since you're having a tough time. I remember how proud you were when you went a day without drinking! You can experience that again since you've taken a first step in admitting that there's a problem.

greentires4me,
You make a good point about different areas of expertise. I almost take it for granted that everyone in the addiction forum is (at least) dual diagnosis. If drinking or using was the only problem there are a lot of sites for that. I think most of us came for another condition and then noticed this forum. I sought out a therapist who has expertise in mood disorders and substance abuse, but my pdoc is really not quite there on substance abuse. When I told her I abused adderall, she was considering putting me on a different stimulant. I had to explain to her it would just be a matter of time until I abused the new stimulant; put me on straterra instead.

Fancy you say that I used to abuse Ativan not because I wanted to but because it's only a half life anti anxiety med... I am on clonazepam and that was for sleep now this pdoc wants me off of it I find it incredibly harsh but I am not abusing it at all. So she raised my trazodone and I basically said bye bye clonazepam...

Anyways I have a counsellor for majority of all the abuse I have had in my life...then I have another counsellor for a sexual assault that's paid for by crime victim services...then I have a addictions counsellor...a psych nurse from mental health...a GP that I see weekly it used to be like once a month then he determined that I needed to see him more then...then a Pdoc this is no.3 so far she is not very receptive and wants to see me in 6 weeks which is very annoying!

I think I have tackled all my stuff...

Just took my last hit... And I'm anxious as **** about it.

Is that now your going to sleep for days? Or go into dope sickness?

Sorry if I am asking too many questions.

If you're up for it, the National Geographic September 2017 issue is entitled "The Science of Addiction". I'm in the middle of reading it a little at a time so I can absorb it. Learning about how we have our brains hijacked is something I always find interesting. It helps me when I long for a drink, have a using dream or think 1 cocktail would be "ok". Periodically those thoughts pop up for everyone that I know no matter how long it's been since they had their last drink or drug. The key is not letting it get a hold of you and take you down! Not one drink, not ever again.

That was the case with me. I came here seeking support for bipolar disorder & somehow got "mixed up" in the addictions section. I was already in recovery when I got here, but I had to come to grips with the fact that my drinking began as a form of self-medication.

I'm sorry to hear about all the garbage you've been through & continue to fight, greentires. It sounds like you've received a lot of different types of help. I've heard many Americans say the Canadian health system is infrerior to ours, but I've met some MI friends from Canada & it sounds like MI is treated like more of an "illness" than as a "weakness" up there. I wish we had the kinds of resources in the States that you have up there. If someone lacks insurance, or has inferior insurance here, they're pretty much screwed.