[Data]

I have had a problem with alcohol all my life and I am 42 years old. For a time in my 20s I used to be a more stereotypical alcoholic, physically addicted to it and drinking all day. Now I only drink between 7pm and midnight, and the addiction is psychological. Quite often I will have half a bottle of whisky on an evening. Sometimes its a 4 pack of beer.

Food is an issue also - I am obese and binge eat.

I have given up trying to stop overeating and drinking. The drinking is the priority and I might be able to do a week without drink, in fact I usually miss out one day a week. But I can't sustain sobriety in the long term. And there is no point trying to moderate my food without tackling alcohol as they go together.

I drink to give me relief from difficult emotions. I have many stressors in my life (work/family etc) and these come and go but the person inside doesn't change much. I usually feel really angry, ashamed, guilty, anxious, sad - and above all isolated. Its strange when you feel alone even though you live with your family (wife and children). I don't feel the same as other people, I feel like I am quite different inside. And I need people but I can't cope with them. I am over-sensitive to everything. My moods are very volatile. I find all of this incredibly hard to cope with.

I find alcohol and food at the end of the evening gives me that buzz, it helps me to get through the day knowing I am going to get it. But its expensive (alcohol is taxed heavily here in the UK) and very bad for your health.

I have had several years of therapy: mainly person centred counselling and psychodynamic. I also take an antidepressant (citalopram).

I have resigned myself to continuing to drink and overeat but I am scared of dying early or ending up with very poor physical health .

[Sabrina]

I could really identify with much of what you are going through.

My demon, also alcohol, also whiskey was getting way out of control. I was also addicted emotionally and psychologically though not physically, which is surprising considering how much I was consuming. My weight is also a problem and I knew I was consuming many empty calories in alcohol. And yes, I don't watch what i eat.

Two months ago, something in me snapped. I didn't hit a rock bottom but I knew my marriage was going to suffer. I knew my liver was already suffering. I knew I no longer enjoyed drinking but still did so (also evenings) because I craved that "high" / being drunk. I also have an alcoholic mother and I've watched her nearly kill herself a few times with alcohol. And so, after a lovely weekend away with the family, I called my husband to my side and told him I wanted to stop. He has been nothing short of supportive and loving to me. And I stopped. That was two months ago. It has been the most liberating thing for me. I do not miss alcohol in any shape or form physically, and went through no physical withdrawal. I guess I was very lucky. I was super cranky the first week, and thought about drinking a lot. But I didn't drink. And I know I won't drink now.

But you see, I haven't lost any weight! I've been guzzling my way through thousands of calories a day. All the wrong things. Having struggled with my weight for a long time and having lost before, I know I'm doing wrong. But can't seem to stop myself. Instead of that apple, I reach for cookies. Instead of some oatmeal for breakfast, I'll have a donut. Needless to say, since stopping drinking, I've lost no weight at all and wouldn't be surprised if I've gained.

So I have a new issue to deal with. And soon. As I can't carry on looking like this.

I feel so much empathy for you because I have also struggled with these things. Each person's struggles are different so please, do not let me take away from what is obviously extremely hard for you. But I understand. And I hope, on this journey, I have given you a little bit of hope.

[Data]

Also I should add that I didn't find AA helpful. I went a couple of times but I just feel isolated and angry with myself because I don't fit in. They like to talk only about alcohol, whereas I can't compartmentalise my difficulties like that; alcohol is more a symptom than a cause for me and I have problems even if I am not drinking. Also they have religious aspects which I am uncomfortable with and they like to generify alcoholics, treating them all as the same - which just triggers me.

Originally Posted by Sabrina

I could really identify with much of what you are going through.

My demon, also alcohol, also whiskey was getting way out of control. I was also addicted emotionally and psychologically though not physically, which is surprising considering how much I was consuming. My weight is also a problem and I knew I was consuming many empty calories in alcohol. And yes, I don't watch what i eat.

Two months ago, something in me snapped. I didn't hit a rock bottom but I knew my marriage was going to suffer. I knew my liver was already suffering. I knew I no longer enjoyed drinking but still did so (also evenings) because I craved that "high" / being drunk. I also have an alcoholic mother and I've watched her nearly kill herself a few times with alcohol. And so, after a lovely weekend away with the family, I called my husband to my side and told him I wanted to stop. He has been nothing short of supportive and loving to me. And I stopped. That was two months ago. It has been the most liberating thing for me. I do not miss alcohol in any shape or form physically, and went through no physical withdrawal. I guess I was very lucky. I was super cranky the first week, and thought about drinking a lot. But I didn't drink. And I know I won't drink now.

But you see, I haven't lost any weight! I've been guzzling my way through thousands of calories a day. All the wrong things. Having struggled with my weight for a long time and having lost before, I know I'm doing wrong. But can't seem to stop myself. Instead of that apple, I reach for cookies. Instead of some oatmeal for breakfast, I'll have a donut. Needless to say, since stopping drinking, I've lost no weight at all and wouldn't be surprised if I've gained.

So I have a new issue to deal with. And soon. As I can't carry on looking like this.

I feel so much empathy for you because I have also struggled with these things. Each person's struggles are different so please, do not let me take away from what is obviously extremely hard for you. But I understand. And I hope, on this journey, I have given you a little bit of hope.

Thanks for the reply, Sabrina! I hope something in me "snaps" too.

I am glad your husband was supportive. My wife and I love each other but she tends to make my issues worse rather than better.

The crankiness in the the first week may have been a mild withdrawal symptom for you, perhaps?

I know you say you have lost no weight and have a new issue to deal with, but its probably less unhealthy for you than drinking excessively. So well done on stopping drinking!!!

You have given me some hope but also reinforced what I have thought before - you don't stop drinking until you feel ready. And some people never feel that way and it kills them.

Addiction is a biatch. It's so hard to break the mental cycle. I crave a different life. I'm going to a meeting tomorrow...it'll suck...yes...but drinking sux too. I was 5 years sober with meetings....if anything...I wasn't drinking.

Find your own thing.

90 day rehab is an option...I've been trying to kill myself with drugs...obviously.

Ummm. Good luck

[Sabrina]

Data, I too am not an "AA" person. Not that there is one in my town, but I still would not have gone. So I can identify with that too. My Mom tried it out too, but her addiction overcame her desire to get anywhere with it. Yes, it is not for everybody. I'm so glad it helps others though.