[wachiki92]

I was a high functioning alcoholic. I had a full time job and a car and was living with my god parents. I'm 23. Drinking slowly became an everyday part of my life. When I got off work I'd go get beer, liquor, or wine. I alternated going to different liquor stores so they wouldn't think I was an alcoholic, which I was denying myself at the time. As time went on I began to spend money on alcohol instead of thing I actually needed (needed deodorant one day-was completely out-and got alcohol instead). Over a year ago there were several deaths to people close to me and I began to drink all day everyday. 3 beers before work, 1 or 2 during break, shots throughout the day, and continuously when I got off. not to mention the hydros and pot. One of my best friends then broke my heart. My godparents are against drinking and eventually kicked me out. Of course my explanation was they were prudes and just against drinking and judging the fact that I did drink. I knew that wasn't true as they didn't even know the full extent of my drinking. I made a habit of hiding bottles and cans for weeks until I remembered on trash day. One month it was 3 large trash bags full of cans and bottles. I moved in with my sister who always joked I was an alcoholic and could outdrink anyone. While living with her I was fired from my job (too busy not caring, smoking, and drinking to charge my phone to know I was not off but had been supposed to work- 2 days in a row). I left my sisters house and moved in with my alcoholic cousin. We were supposed to stop drinking together but instead just drank together. She had recently got a dui and lost her jobs. Eventually our power got shut off and we were forced to move into a hotel which my bf at the time paid for. He was also an alcoholic and on pain pills. We all got into constant fights which led to us all turning against one another and my bf threatening me telling me he would slit my throat. I'm now living with my aunt who does not know the extent of my drinking but is figuring it out. She will not allow a drunk to live with her and my parents wont either. I don't want to expose all my issues to the rest of my family. If my aunt kicks me out I have nowhere else to go. For the first time I am genuinely afraid of what will happen. I'm only drinking at this point but with no money it's hard to keep it up. I sneak my aunts truck while shes at work and have stolen change from her to buy my own liquor instead of drinking all of hers like I have been. It's my second day without a drink and I'm trembling, feeling anxious, depressed, and have a headache. I don't want to go to rehab for months as I just don't and I have a cat I absolutely love. I'm just at the end of my ropes...

[gayleggg]

Sounds like you are running out of options. Rehab may your last option to turn your life around. It may not be what you want to do but it might be the best thing for you.

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[Daphnelover]

Rehad sounds like it's necessary if you want to live. It's work, but it's definitely possible to get better. The first 24 to 36 hours are the worst for the physical detox. And it is dangerous. You really should be in a hospital. Take care of yourself.

[Moogieotter]

Sorry you are suffering. Rehab and a program will help. Do you have health insurance?

Keep posting.

moogs

[wachiki92]

I have no insurance. My parents and my therapist have both offered to split the cost if I go. I spent time with my godparents last night and they talked to my aunt and must have told her how much I was drinking and my typical hiding spots because all the bottles are gone. She hasn't said anything about it yet but I'm sure she will. I should have known leaving them alone together was a mistake. My first instinct is to be pissed at my godmother for telling her and ruining what is my last good place to stay, but i guess deep down I know it's really me.

[ThingWithFeathers]

Firstly, I want to say that it's not you, it's your addiction. Really, what are your options? You do need the help that is being offered. If you are getting the DTs (which it sounds like you are), detox is where you need to be for your own safety.

Please consider your options and think about what's best for you and your life. Sending good wishes your way.

[Moogieotter]

Try one meeting? It might save your life or ease the process of drying up.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

You're experiencing alcohol withdrawal which is the most dangerous of withdrawals. Since you don't have insurance, I would check into the ER and get admitted for rapid detox. That's what I had to do 6 months ago and I havnt drank since. They gave me meds and I slept the whole time. You have nothing else and nowhere else to go at this point so you mine as well. And anyone will tell you to stay away from your bf and cousin. Those aren't real relationships. They're codependent ones and they aren't there to help you that's for sure.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Risperdal 4mg
Trileptal 300mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 70mgs PRN

A lot of times it has to hurt before we effect change. The thing about hitting bottom, we tend to pull out shovels and dig deeper. Too deep is 6 feet under. You aren't there yet- it may seem so, but you still have a chance. It takes forsaking pride, forgetting the past and living in the present. The future is off limits, live in the now and do those things they say to get better.

You can do it, for this alcoholic/addict has.