riptide53

Hey everyone! I'm a recovering alcoholic, 6 years now- 12 step program, meetings, sponsor, etc. When I've felt the urge to pick up I use my 'tools' and do not keep any liquor in my home. Over these years I've had a lot of stuff thrown at me by life's uncontrollable forces and have been backed into a corner. These become so overwhelming as they've affected basic parts of my life with no turning back which is when the f-it's come into play. My disease tells me that my life is not working for me, so why not just pick up? I feel like I've been shut out of my own life and don't know how to change it into something meaningful. I am so not where I want to or thought I'd be in life and know that my isms, defiance and thirty years of drinking had much to do with where I am now and can't be changed. I did have a lot of promise but just cast it aside. Depression has infiltrated much of my life, have been on different meds, now Zoloft has been working well for many years but I believe that no matter what meds I take I'd still be unhappy about where I find myself, along with the quandaries that crop up during those 'golden years'. The depression seems to be closing in on me. Does age exacerbate the problem?

I'm less depressed as I age. Welcome to PC addiction forum. You are among friends.

moogs

I'm glad to hear you're in a 12 step program...& I'd imagine that other folks' experiences give you at least a little hope. I'm 55 & went to my first meeting when I was 20; I've been in & out of the program a few times & can also blame many of my life issues on the fact that I drank despite deeper bottoms. I'd feel like a jerk suggesting a review of certain steps, so I won't. There are certain steps you might review & enough newbies at meetings to help gain perspective on what might happen if you decide to go back out, though. Each bottom for me got worse...& I don't know if I've got too many bottoms left before I wind up an the streets or dead. That's just me, however. I wish you luck in getting over your funk. From what I've seen & heard, "funky times" are pretty normal in the program. To be honest, though, the older I get & the more meetings I attend, the less likely I am to desire a drink...dual-diagnosis, or not.