[Marilyn2016]

I'm sure you've heard this before...

I knew he was an alcoholic when I met him. In fact, I felt an overwhelming need to help in any way I could. I was so worried he was in a spiral of depression and alcoholism when we met. He is resistant to formal help/rehab/he's very guarded about his situation. I don't even blame him.

I've accepted that the love of my life has an active drinking problem. I just want to know, from anyone who suffers with alcoholism....what do you need most from your partner when trying to live your life? What things would be helpful and not hurtful. Forcing someone to change is really damaging, I've found, and that is not my goal. I just want to be a good wife to someone who is clearly suffering.

I'm just looking for ideas and suggestions. I want to spend my life with him, and although at times it's scary, embarrassing, and I get angry, he is too precious to live without.

So, if you feel like sharing, I would like to know what someone with alcoholism finds important in partnership. Just let me know if you have any feedback. I don't care if you've recovered, if you're working the steps, if you relapse, or if you have no desire to change. I just want to hear it from the real experts, and not a mental health professional....who are usually the people I count on to guide me.

I'm trying to not judge, and to listen.....but there must be more to it than that.

I would love to hear from any of you.

Sincerely,

Marilyn

[Moogieotter]

Hey Marilyn,

I am an alcoholic with a few years of recovery. ((Hugs)) I feel for you - you are in a tough spot. Does he get angry when you subtly try to present the idea that he has a problem? It is hard for me to know what your communication dynamics are like.

If you can, just have him complete the CAGE Assessment - it's 4 questions that are a fast way to indicate a problem. For me, the active alcoholism made me so angry. I mean deep rage in me that I would not listen to reason. I had to lose a LOT until I got very expensive wisdom - career, freedom, etc.

It is very hard to balance between love and support and straight up enabling. Do you have any lines in the sand in your mind for his behavior? ie Abuse, etc - that you have drawn - that might be healthy for you. Do you have a bottom line - ie a breaking point where he would have to pay the price of losing your love and support in his life - probably also healthy to have and communicate with him.

I am a big proponent of just being honest, like linking him to your post. You should not be afraid of your spouses reaction to your true feelings.

Message me as needed. Hang in there - it's def a hard struggle.

moogs