[Sarahas]

Im not sure if this is the right area to post this but I need help with some clarity... I recently started talking with someone.I am finding myself to be very drawn to them, they have expressed interest in me and at first I was scared because I have a history of being with people who suffer from addiction, and I myself have personal experience with it) but I can't help but have feelings back.

He is a meth user, he injects it....he reached out to me and we have been talking everyday. He occasionally waits for me after work and walked with me to my bus.

then there are days where he will barley say hi, or stop to talk. Always busy going somewhere and I find I'm getting jealous thinking hes with other women, he says h hasn't been with a women in 3 years but I still get jealous. It may sound silly but I wasn't expecting to have feelings.

I am finding myself taking some of the things he is doing personally, he will use with women and I instantly think sex. Or if he doesn't say hi I get upset, he doesn't have the same thoughts as I do I guess. I don't like taking all this personally..i know cant change him and I know I should be looking at myself to understand why I am attracted to him...but I am and I want some clarity on addiction...can they love? is it real? are they unfaithful?

he wrote me a love letter expressing how he wanted to take a chance and see if something could happen even tho odds are most likely that they wont.. and that life is to short to sit back and wait for it to happen. he will give me little gifts ( one of his shirts and a ear ring he thought I would like) I think other people have noticed that were close but it's not sexual, we just get along really well and have great conversations. he will spend all night( sometimes) talking with me. other days he is off on some adventure or hes depressed and withdrawing inwards but still using...

I have read articles about addiction and get mixed advice on what to do, tough love doesn't work but boundaries should be set. Don't just toss them to side..i want to support him and be there for him but I also don't want to get hurt and I find that I am.

thank you

[Patagonia]

I'm dealing with someone close to me that uses meth. It has put me thru my own new level of hell mixed in with my own MH issues. I know you'd like to help, but please tell yourself you deserve better than this. And you do!

I've just read this from PC & I am trying to pound it into my head.

"One of the key problems of substance abuse in a relationship is that even if an addict loves her partner, a drug addiction will make her love the drug more. That’s the stark reality laid out by a blog on PsychCentral, which explains that a relationship with someone who is abusing drugs is not a healthy one, and it is dysfunctional by nature. The writer explains that the addict does not actively choose drugs over her partner, but she is physically and psychologically compelled to pursue chemical satisfaction by her addiction, and no amount of romance, companionship or sex can fill that void. The relationship itself becomes merely a means to an end, and every conscious and unconscious decision the user makes with regards to the relationship will ultimately be for securing her next high."

[Sarahas]

Why did he express feelings for me? Does he actually feel them? He said he wanted to take a chance even tho the odds that anything could happen between us were small....why show interest...then there are times where I think he doesn't want anything to do with me.

[Patagonia]

Sarahas
You posted in my Meth thread. You have experience with this drug. You know the lies & deceit that will follow it.
Does he have feelings for you? Idk. My friend told me he does, but now I think that it's just meth talk to keep me close bec I'm....interesting.
Does he actually feel? Again I have no idea. When you were using did you have feelings for anyone & were they valid true feelings? I'll never know that & most of the time I don't think I wanto know. I know I show a lot of signs of being codependent which, I think, is what an addict is exactly looking for.
I think you know the answers....

[Sarahas]

When I was using, I started using with a group of gfs, it was fun even tho there were times of hell, it was exciting and dangerous and the people close to me, I loved. I wanted a relationship and for someone to show me that they cared, i still met people and were interested in them...I'd down play my using because I didn't want to scare them off. I didn't use anyone or lead anyone on... I genuinely wanted to meet someone who was into me as much as I were to them...even years after I stopped using, I drank quite a bit because I was sad...i drank because I was sad and wanted to stop the feelings...even tho it made them worse.

[Sarahas]

I know that when my parents threatened to drug test me, I lied and bargined to down play my using anything that threatened it...to me it wasn't as bad as non users saw it. It was all personal to me, I didn't seek out people to pray on...I worked telemarketing jobs, got a pay cheque and bought drugs. My friends did the same...it wasn't this monster like people like to paint out...everyone is different tho, I had a roof over my head and my friends and it was fun...until things started being off in my head.

When people start talking about tough love and ultimatums, it's all very threatening and upsetting, I wouldn't take well to it if someone I cared about started saying they were going to do this to me...I wanted love. So I don't understand how it helps people with addiction to stop using, I'd think it was just another person leaving...that's just me. So when there is an addict in my life, my first response is to love them...until they give me a reason not to.

[Patagonia]

Then it sounds like you're going to keep this addict in your life....& love them.
So what will be the reason for you not to if it isn't the addiction?

[Sarahas]

I can't put myself through the hellish roller coaster. I will lose my sanity

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by Sarahas

I can't put myself through the hellish roller coaster. I will lose my sanity

You seem to know what is best for you and your own recovery, intellectually. Your emotions are likely telling you something else. Do you have someone who is objective to discuss this with?

[Sarahas]

I'm going to be seeing a therapist this weekend, I have been reading about codependency and I seem to fit into the traits of that. I will at least seek help for the patterns I'm falling into when it comes to picking relationships. I just hope my feelings for him disappear as I work through all this.

[Patagonia]

I recently listened to a Ted talk by Helen Fisher & she was explaining dopamine receptors. How these receptors are triggered during the "falling in love" phase.
From what I've read about meth, these receptors are shut down & even during recovery they can take over a yr or 2 for them to return. So a feeling of anhedonia takes place with depression & other MH issues.

I've wondered if the person I know that uses meth heavily purposely sought out a new relationship to trigger the dopamine high associated with it. Maybe not consciously, but the philosophy makes sense to me.

[Mygrandjourney]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I recently listened to a Ted talk by Helen Fisher & she was explaining dopamine receptors. How these receptors are triggered during the "falling in love" phase.
From what I've read about meth, these receptors are shut down & even during recovery they can take over a yr or 2 for them to return. So a feeling of anhedonia takes place with depression & other MH issues.

I've wondered if the person I know that uses meth heavily purposely sought out a new relationship to trigger the dopamine high associated with it. Maybe not consciously, but the philosophy makes sense to me.

Sex and meth go together quite frequently. Meth causes the body to release a lot more dopamine than it would normally under the usual circumstances (sex, food, exercise, fun). The body, in it's infinite wisdom, soon learns that it doesn't need to release dopamine via the typical channels as the drug will do the work for it. When the drug is stopped, there is a deficit and you are right, it may last upwards of a year or more.