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#1
May 12, 2017, 08:42 PM
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my younger son plays a lot of sports. in any social event the other parents drink. when they go out together they drink. it really sucks sometimes being the one who can t drink in a world of drinkers
but I don't know how to decline. people just automatically assume everyone drinks. one parent was talking about her big summer bash and how we would all be partying together. I was like mmmhmmm I don't want to say I don't drink because I am a problem drinker. what do I say?
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#2
May 12, 2017, 09:25 PM
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I don't know if you have to go in to detail why you don't drink. You could just say you don't drink and leave it at that or that don't drink for personal reasons or simply say something like you don't drink because you are lightweight or you can't drink because your on medication that interacts with alcohol I don't know how helpful that is. Maybe others will have better ideas.
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Formally known as broken_one 
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 jacky8807
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#3
May 12, 2017, 09:33 PM
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thx!
yeah I was thinking about saying it reacts bad to medications I'm on but that opens another whole can of worms oh what medications is Jacky taking blah blah I don't care for me only my son. I dont want him excluded because it would hurt him I was thinking just making a joke and saying I can't hold my liquor but that is not enough to keep people from handing you a margarita anyway lol thx for the response!
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#4
May 12, 2017, 09:40 PM
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I should add i don't have years and years of sobriety under my belt just yet so things are still difficult to navigate sometimes. I'm probably making more of a big deal than it even would be idk
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#5
May 12, 2017, 10:22 PM
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ya just playing it off like " I just don't drink". I have an alcoholic mom and I just say I grew up with drinking and I just don't like to drink now. It is hard though cause you want to fit in. 6 months sober here
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 jacky8807
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| jacky8807
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#6
May 12, 2017, 10:47 PM
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congrats on your six months!!!
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#7
May 13, 2017, 02:57 AM
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I think I understand where you are coming from. Some people are so enmeshed in a drinking culture that they can feel surrounded. Too, drinking for these folks is so automatic that saying you don't drink is like saying you'd rather not have air, thank you very much. Sometimes you can pick your friends and companions but not so in your case it sounds like, because you are surrounded at his sporting events. I get it - I live on an Indian reservation and I'm an alcoholic who chose sobriety twenty-five years and two days ago. I too am surrounded - drinking is so ingrained in the culture that I'm smack dab in the middle of.
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While I have no problem telling people that I don't drink because I'm an alcoholic, it's that 'no problem' aspect that makes it go so much smoother. Confidence wins people over. The conversation usually goes something like this: I've had my share already. Heck, I had some other poor guys share too cause he didn't move fast enough. Invariably, someone, even if they don't mean it, will say something along the lines of, "Good for you!" At which point I say, "Good for me? You have no idea - it's not just good for me, it's good for everyone in the state that I quit drinking..." I probably overuse humor, but just being matter-of-fact really is usually enough for people. I do it with my mental health issues as well. I've got DID...and just about everyone knows it. I'd say that's at least as big of a 'secret' as alcoholism or problem drinker. The barista's at Starbucks ask me when I come in, who the drink is for. Everyone at work knows and when they found out that my little gets an allowance, they docked my pay $20 and give her an envelope on payday too. Confident and matter of fact works wonders...ever hear someone talk about going into a restricted area like the supervisor offices at the DMV to talk directly to them or something like that? The advise is always, "Just walk back there like you own the place and no one will say a word." It's true more times than not. Anyway, I'm rambling - good luck!
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My gummy-bear died. My unicorn ran away. My imaginary friend got kidnapped. The voices in my head aren't talking to me. Oh no, I'm going sane! |
| jacky8807
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#8
May 13, 2017, 08:30 AM
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I use the "medication" reason. It's true since I are on teh bipolars meds.
Miss you, jacky!
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Current Status: Stable/High Functioning/Clean and Sober Dx: Bipolar 2, GAD Current Meds: Prozac 30mg, Lamictal 150mg, Latuda 40mg, Wellbutrin 150 XL Previous meds I can share experiences from: AAPs - Risperdal, Abilify, Seroquel SSRIs - Lexapro, Paxil, Zoloft Mood Stabilizers - Tegretol, Depakote, Neurontin Other - Buspar, Xanax Add me as a friend and we can chat 
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| jacky8807
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#9
May 13, 2017, 10:06 AM
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yagr I just can't bring it to tell the truth yet. I hope I get there soon. sounds like you have it down!
miss you too moogs! I may just go with the medication thang. let them guess from there lol
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#10
May 13, 2017, 10:38 AM
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I could go with the "real truth" and let them see me drink. just one time and they will never ask me again haha
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| yagr
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#11
May 13, 2017, 02:18 PM
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Presumably there's driving to get to these events. I like, "I never drink anything, when I have to drive." Others I use are "I don't like how it makes me feel." "Wine gives me a headache." and then there's the broken record of "Thanks, but I just don't feel like it tonight."
splitimage
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 "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba 
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| jacky8807
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#12
May 13, 2017, 08:52 PM
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You know....like I'm going to be the shiny beacon of sobriety in a group of pro drinkers dying to have a good time! (Joy kill). Lol
I would gracefully hold my drink...fein a sip...then excuse myself to the bathroom and fix the drink to my needs...then go have fun. After the first cup you are accepted....just keep sipping water out of the beer pong cup and still have fun! Good luck. |
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#13
May 13, 2017, 10:51 PM
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Quote:
thanks for the suggestions!
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#14
May 13, 2017, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
I fear, my dear AC2 that if I take that drink in my hands to the bathroom with me, it will be going down my throat. Haha I'm not sure but I'm not ready to test the theory yet.
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#15
May 14, 2017, 03:12 AM
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I have an occasional drink, and that's with family.
When I'm out being social I just say I don't drink, end of. Nobody has ever asked me why. |
| jacky8807
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#16
May 14, 2017, 03:27 AM
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Quote:
Everyone wanted me to attend and they were very kind and always provided me with my favorite soft drink. But in the end it really wasn't that much fun because people did drink heavily at these parties. What I finally did was this....I would make an early appearance while people were still snacking on food more than drinking. I would eat some snacks and have a soft drink and socialize. Then I would leave before the heavy partying started. This worked well. I can understand your apprehension as I had it too. But you would actually be surprised how little people really care. If you make an appearance you won't be rude...but you don't have to stay so long that you start to feel uncomfortable. 
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| jacky8807
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#17
May 14, 2017, 03:50 AM
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idk....its all so complicated.
I have learned to enjoy myself sober. But not with a bunch of people who are revolving it all around drinking and the fake closeness it provides everyone with. You feel like the stranger next door is your closest friend when you are both drinking together. I am a introvert by nature but alcohol changes me to a fantastic extrovert. I am every ones best friend....until I keep drinking then not so much lol.... I am still getting over being angry I just can't be like other people what with being sober AND being bipolar. I fear what people will think of not me but me as my sons mother I fear he will get hurt if he is not included and that's means me socializing I fear he cant have the "all American life" because of my differences I fear I fear I fear
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| DechanDawa
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#18
May 14, 2017, 04:39 AM
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yikes that was a boohoo post.
all this mood stability is making me have a bunch of *feelings* ack ack ack take them back. I don't want them  
__________________
I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| DechanDawa
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#19
May 14, 2017, 04:56 AM
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Quote:
I think it is really great you are thinking about all of this and expressing your feelings about it. It is a big deal. The drinking culture is dominant in western society. Where I live there are a lot of local breweries and everyone seems to enjoy tasting the newest inventions. However, there is also a growing health conscious population. Did you know that alcohol ages women (and men) prematurely? Surely you know chronic heavy drinking contributes to depression. Health conscious people are into "hip" new drinks like matcha green tea, kombucha and green smoothies. If you are into stabilizing your health than you are doing fine and setting a good example. Being sober is great. What your son will notice and remember is your choices and how they impact your life. Choosing to stay sober for good mental and physical health is what your son will notice and remember. You sound like you are doing really fine and I hope you feel supported in your healthy lifestyle. (But it is natural to have a lot of feelings around your sobriety. Embrace them!)
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#20
May 14, 2017, 05:33 AM
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you have no idea how much that post means to me
my biggest fears and anxieties revolve around my children thank you so much 
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
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#21
May 14, 2017, 05:36 AM
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You are very welcome. Oh, and Happy Mother's Day~! 
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#22
May 14, 2017, 05:42 AM
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and to you!
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I used to rule the world Seas would rise when I gave the word Now in the morning, I sleep alone Sweep the streets I used to own I used to roll the dice Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes Listen as the crowd would sing Now the old king is dead! Long live the king! One minute I held the key Next the walls were closed on me And I discovered that my castles stand Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand |
| DechanDawa
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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