[splitimage]

When I went in for my aftercare group, as usual, yesterday I learned that a member of the group had relapsed, OD'd, and died over the weekend.

It really shook me up. This guy was around 9 months sober and seemed to be on a good path for putting his life back together. He didn't talk about cravings in the weeks prior to his relapse.

This makes me really appreciate, how close to dying I came during some of my relapses, especially when I mixed tranquilizers with booze. It scares me.

So if you're thinking of relapsing using the logic of "I'll just use once and then stop again" don't. You might not get another chance.

splitimage

[emgreen]

This might sound cruel but, for me, my real fear of relapsing relates to LIVING with the misery that my alcoholism caused me and others. I'm very sorry your acquaintance died, but for me (as you've expressed) there's no such thing as "just one." Sooner or later bad s*** is going to happen if you're a real alcoholic & try the "just one" trick.

[carrie_ann]

((((splitimage))))

sorry this happened but thanks for posting, the hardest thing for me is fighting the "just once more" thought, so thanks.

hope you're doing well

[Misssy2]

splitimage

I have endured the type of shock and pain you have both in meetings and in my neighborhood...you think people are doing well and boom its a shock and a wake up call...and but for the Grace of God go I...and I do not know why.

Another downer in sobriety you may come across is so many people stop to improve their health and very shortly after come down with some horrible other illness and die...the most I've seen of this is with cancer.

And my sponser died of a very rare deterioation disorder and she was an AA angel saving many lives..I asked her when she told me she was terminal if she was going to drink...and she said NO...she wanted to die sober.

I told her because she was my sponser for over 8 years...(continued to support me even when I drank)...I told her...I WOULD BE DRINKING and I apologized...but I know I would out of fear.

She died sober...and too soon

[childofchaos831]

I am so sorry splitimage. I have known of several people who relapsed and died rather quickly. Even not knowing them well, it is a shock. It always makes me wonder, was there something that we could have seen but missed? Could it have been prevented?

And then I remind myself, the times I relapsed, nothing anyone would have said would have changed my mind once I had decided to drink or use. As much as I know it hurts those around me, I hide the fact that I'm struggling most of the time, because I don't want to burden them. I don't want to worry them.

I tell myself, I've relapsed so many times and made it back, this time won't be any different. But we never know. When I drink or use, I get suicidal. But then I drink or use because I'm suicidal. It's Russian roulette. This time won't be different, it's just an excuse, giving myself permission.

Every time we use, the chance of death us there, and it takes situations like your friend to serve as a reminder for those of us still here why we keep fighting, every day, one day at a time. When the idgaf switch get flipped, we have to speak up. When I dgaf, I need otther sober to gaf for me.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by splitimage

This makes me really appreciate, how close to dying I came during some of my relapses, especially when I mixed tranquilizers with booze. It scares me.

Reading some of the opioid OD stories in the news that have details made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. I thought I was always careful; never going more than double the dosage (usually only a dose and a half) and no more than 24 oz of 14% ABV convenience store rotgut "flavored malt beverage". I usually got the 8% ABV stuff if I had pain pills, but a couple of times I had done that one night and the high seemed pretty tame so I stepped it up the next time. Anyway, some people die at those levels. When I read about people in good physical shape dying when they had taken no more than I did, it shook me up pretty good.

[Misssy2]

childofchaos..your post...specifically the line that says we give ourselves permission reminded me that the thoughts I was having yesterday were thoughts of giving myself permission.

I didn't drink and I am grateful I did not drink.
And thankful for your post this morning to start my day.