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#1
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Sometimes I wish I could scour them from my brain, but it is a lot of my adolescence and young adulthood; I had mostly good times when I was drunk and almost entirely good times when I was high.
I was not a light recreational user; I smoked pot like a chimney during all my teen years and a few nights a week in my early 20s. I popped a lot of pills, ate peyote and mushrooms (one of my favorite highs) and snorted quite a bit of PCP, MDA and cocaine. Never touched my veins (it's good to have limits ![]() I said mostly good about drinking because there were some commode hugging nights and some sobbing (I was clueless about depression) plus lots of hangovers. Many a weekend was spent recovering from Friday night; those aren't so good. But drugs... I get the feeling it is somewhat unusual but I went to a few different schools and had a few different sets of friends and we were pretty much always fairly active. A lot of my memories are floating rivers in canoes, tossing a frisbee around, water skiing, snow skiing, hiking, camping and fishing. Went to school dances and football games, made decent grades and graduated a quarter early. I was stoned nearly all the time I did all that. OTOH, I just talked to my oldest friend and we were remembering when we almost died in his car when he ran off the road into the median reaching for something. We were stoned. He missed the end of a guard rail (that would have split the car) by maybe a foot or so. The median was heavily overgrown with weeds which helped slow the car quickly and we were able to get back on the road without damage or injury but we had to stop until he stopped shaking enough to drive. We were out in the middle of nowhere and attracted no attention, so we just motored on to where we were headed - a small private lake my dad had property on. We got high, drank a bunch of beer, caught a lot of fish paddling around in a jon boat camped out and generally had a good time. That was my only drug related incident where I very nearly died and even that is something that happens to people who are sober (way more likely when stoned, though). But other than that, good times, good times. I just talked to that friend and we talked about getting together some time soon and not drinking and not getting high. Kind of like when we were in elementary school... Anyone else have that problem? I know they are bad habits and stopping is the only reasonable choice. I am not trying to talk myself out of it.
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| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | Last edited by UpDownAround; Jul 14, 2017 at 11:26 AM. |
![]() mccarrolmike
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#2
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Yep, there were many good feeling times! That's why I liked it so much. I kept wanting that good feeling again but it wasn't to be. Reminiscing can be fun but it's also full of pitfalls. Be ever vigilant with your sobriety, sometimes you don't get extra chances.
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![]() notz |
![]() mccarrolmike
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#3
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I mentioned in another thread that my problems usually don't come early (I am at 22 days this time) but a few months in when I start thinking I could allow myself some "time off for good behavior". That attitude is a big problem for me. I try and try to convince myself that this is a better way to live, but part of me always sees it as a punishment; something I deny myself because I abused a privilege. I have some images, like sipping wine as the sun goes down over the ocean in retirement, that are hard to shake.
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| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | Last edited by UpDownAround; Jul 17, 2017 at 08:05 AM. |
#4
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I get those images too, especially at weddings with all the toasts. I make myself shake off that kind of thinking. One thing about me and drinking, it always led to bad behavior!!! I just don't want to be that person anymore. I made a commitment to myself to protect my sobriety.
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![]() notz |
#5
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I have the same issues when I remember my happier days in my early 20s. Popped alot of ecstasy every weekend went out to those chic and trendy night clubs. Did awesome Ice (meth) too around that time. Some where the best times of my life. Especially blowing up hard on ecstasy as I sat in the night clubs upstairs couches. Omg... those were incredible times.
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#6
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I struggle with this too. I have lots of fun memories of drinking 20 years ago. The last 15 years, not so much. So when I start romanticizing the drink, I force myself to think about my last relapse where I was so sick I puked all over myself, and my bed. nothing fun about that.
splitimage |
#7
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I am kind of flip flopped on the old versus recent drinking problems. About 18 years ago I did go through a long depressive episode where my drinking was about the worst it has ever been. I drank to the slur/stagger stage often and drove my pregnant wife to the hospital in that state. In my defense, I was so blown away by the "this is it" weeks early that I did not think through the decision; it was almost sobering until I sank into a chair at the hospital and realized how drunk I was. Not long after that, I stopped drinking for 18 months and went years before it was a problem again.
More recently it was that I was using it as a medicine and it wasn't the right medicine. Also, I was sneaking it because my wife decided a few years ago that I shouldn't drink any more. That was an odd, somewhat out of the blue decision on her part because at the time I had it very much under control. I think she got educated and decided I never should have started back (even though I was with her the first time I drank again after the 18 months). Drugs are the more pleasant memories. If I spend enough time in a state where pot is legal, I will get high at least once.
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| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
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