[splitimage]

My drivers licence is currently suspended. I didn't get a DUI or anything like that it's a medical suspension because I'm alcohol dependent. The ministry of transportation originally told me. I could apply to get it back after being six months sober. Annoying but fair enough. I also had to confirm that I'd been seizure free for 6 months. Again fair enough. So I got my family Dr. to write them about my seizure history - I'm clean there and I was just getting ready to submit my application based on being sober 6 months when I get a letter saying that, my file has been reviewed (after the no seizure letter) and I have to be abstinant for 12 months now. I called the ministry for clarification on the two different tiem frames and got the standard we'll look into it and send you another letter. Just got that, confirming that the suspension is for 12 months, but the'll consider it at 6 months if I have completed a treatment program and on the recommendation of an addictions specialist. I completed a treatment program so I'm going to apply to get my licence back but it just drives me nuts that I now could have to wait until March. The other piece of this is while I'm proving the abstinance thing I have to have weekly blood tests and urine drug screens done - which I feel is a huge invasion of privacy. I realize that the ministry is just trying to keep the roads safe and that I shouldn't be worrying about it, since it's not something I can influence today - it's just really discouraging to know I may have to go another 6 months without driving which would put me through most of winter when public transit is really unpleasant. It's also really negatively impacting on my ability to job hunt - since a lot of the jobs I'm qualified for, aren't on transit lines.

Just feeling sorry for myself, and a little discouraged.

--splitimage

[Raynaadi]

Wow what a pain in the rear end. Look at it like a huge amends though. I actually wish they were that strict here....they send folks to AA meetings with court slips to be signed and then they get their license back. Most end up back on the roads....but not sober. They're making you be willing to go any lengths to be responsible and stay sober though....its the tough love route really. I know its a bummer that you may not have it back till March, but look at the experience you'll be able to share with others down the road. This is all part of your story, which will help someone later.

[DePressMe]

WOW! that is a lot to go through. Seems like they would have general rules to follow instead of changing them halfway through.

[RiverX]

Hi,
What you shared touched some really raw nerves for me, and also maybe threw some light on something.

On the one hand, what Rayna said, like its 'all part of the consequences/ amends' arising from the addiction, and - these consequences are terribly random, rather 'Russian rulette' style!, BUT, also, the problem - as I would experience it - would be that doing recovery because someone in authority has told me to, would endanger the heart and soul of my recovery - which is a deep desire for truth and decency, as well as desperation of course...

So, I imagine, it'd be a bit like, well, - 'here come some particularly insulting cosequences', .....

but.......... YOU know why you're doing your programme whater else is going on.

My particular set of ussues includes feeling 'being appropriated from', so, when I started talking to one of the Ts who were trained in PD.s and she also knew about the programme, she asked me........."do you have a sponsor?, how long have you been abstinent?, its a spiritual programme you know!..." well, I was amused, flabberghasted, insulted, and triggered! I'd never been spoken to like that before,
specially by someone outside the programme, I'd always done my programme for reasons inside myself, I've gone to many lengths, done service, conventions abroad, its no but deal, we all do in the programme, but never needing to be told by someone else, not in that way! I kind of liked the idea of abdicating to her too! thats the disorder, everything went squewiff inside me, she got into mly head, and where I was once a person in recovery from my own separate centre of initiative, suddenly, I was 'being her child, being good', living via her, she got caught in my 'neural loop, my sense of self syphoned off into her, my internal saboteur had a field day, and formed a bond with her to undermine me, all that was my experience, .. Thats the f------ disorder............

its actually, a deadly thing, subtly removing ones life, bit by bit, from inside.

And yet, by God she understood me, (in other ways), as I have never been understood before and as I longed to be understood.... can you imagine the inner coflict.........??

Hey, I'm so sorry, I completely have got carried away, but I guess I have been carrying all this and hearing you, just opened the flood gates for me,

And it all started with a drivers licence!

thanks for listening, I hope i'm understandable, and thank you for helping me to begin to get all this out into safe hands. theres loads more, but I shoud probably start my own share rather than hitch hiking onto someone elses.

river