![]() |
FAQ/Help |
Calendar |
Search |
#251
|
||||
|
||||
I can't do this.
I'm either not sober or I'm dead or I'm not sober then dead. I have no choice. |
![]() emgreen
|
#252
|
||||
|
||||
I'm feeling better after saying that idk I'm broken and messed up in the head.
|
![]() bizi, emgreen
|
#253
|
||||
|
||||
Sounds like you're in a rough spot, Desoxyn. Is depression kicking your arse? I've been there many times, but I can't use or drink with any degree of respect. Please don't give up on quitting yet. It really is possible to remain alive & stay clean. If the space you're in is bad, try posting to get some release. We've got your back. I think most of us understand...
|
![]() bizi
|
![]() Desoxyn
|
#254
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
But I'll post more about what I.. what we are all dealing with when I'm ready... |
![]() bizi
|
#255
|
||||
|
||||
Can't wait to hear from you again, Desoxyn. I hope you have more to share; we learn from each other. Hang tough & keep your eye on the ball.
|
![]() bizi
|
#256
|
||||
|
||||
Desoxzyn,
I'm really sorry that you are struggling. Please keep posting, I find it helps to get it out of my head. You've worked so hard to get sober you can be proud of that. I know it's not easy, and sometimes being clean/sober sucks, but long term it is so much better. splitimage
__________________
![]() "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba ![]() |
![]() bizi
|
![]() Desoxyn
|
#257
|
||||
|
||||
Not too often. I make to work when I’m scheduled, although sometimes I’m wicked hungover, sometimes I don’t trust myself to wake up, so I don’t sleep, I’ve passed out in the shower and then driven to work to sleep in the parking lot until I due to work. I’ve had a bad time of it with getting sick and falling over myself in front of the kids, but I don’t think they remember it(too young). I havent had any legal trouble, or that end of things. I’ve done a pretty good job in leaving some nasty cuts on myself when I get to drinking too much, but that’s not for this thread... I’ve got problems, just of my own making mostly
|
#258
|
||||
|
||||
I drank a pop today and well now I have foot cramp 101 from hell it was my own doing hopefully it won't go on into the night I don't want to be in agony all night long! Anyway this 16hours since I been awake but that pop is driving this poor tired body of mine!
Hope emgreen that your not in too much pain & the surgery went well! I learned not to walk all the way across town and back then walk to the bus stop then from the bus stop to my doctors office then from the doctors office to the bus stop then off the bus across a block home it's a killer on the feet and lungs.
__________________
Love, Light and Happiness!!! |
![]() bizi
|
#259
|
||||
|
||||
emgreen, how are you hanging in there?
bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
#260
|
||||
|
||||
Thanks for remembering my surgery, greentire & bizi. I'm writing this with one hand, so this is gonna be short. Thanks!
Toomixedup, I haven't forgotten your post. I think your're on to some important realizations there. I'll write more in a few days when I'm freeling better. Good luck out there! |
![]() bizi
|
![]() bizi
|
#261
|
||||
|
||||
Emgreen,
Wishing you a speedy recovery and manageable pain levels. splitimages
__________________
![]() "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba ![]() |
![]() emgreen
|
#262
|
||||
|
||||
emgreen, Good to hear it's done. I hope it went well. Take care.
__________________
| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
![]() emgreen
|
#263
|
||||
|
||||
Took some ecstasy but not enough for it to have an effect. I flushed the rest.
I realize drugs wont fix my problems and the more this happens, the more it really starts to sink in. I just want to feel content. Not happy. I know that's a weird thing to say but not for me. I'm ok with my depression. Just not when it's so bad and I get stressed out when people push me to do things that I can't do like working full time at the moment when I'm not well. But I'm going to work tomorrow and my dad is coming to visit from Argentina and we don't get to see each other often so it's important that we spend time together. I don't want to die. I just want to live in any way I can. But sometimes I get down on myself when I don't feel content. I will plan on steps to make myself more content. I said that the ecstasy would give me motivation to meditate but I'm going to go ahead and start it anyways without it. Mind you, I did pretty much all types of drugs and I'm surprised that it's not that bad in a relapse.. only ecstasy.. like I could have picked meth or heroin or coke or what ever but they don't bring me any content. Just pain. |
![]() bizi
|
#264
|
||||
|
||||
I am sorry for your pain...
PLEASE DON'T flush meds down the drain!!!!!!!!! bizi
__________________
lamictal 2x a day haldol 2x a day cogentin 2x a day klonipin , 1mg at night, fish oil coq10 multi vit,, vit c, at noon, tumeric, caffeine Remeron at night, zyprexa, requip2-4mg |
![]() greentires4me
|
#265
|
||||
|
||||
The thing is, when I bought meth coke heroin mdma weed and xanax at the same time once and was doing them at the same time, I felt extremely guilty.
I have a lot of empathy and feel guilt. I flushed everything that time and felt so much better. Idk if it was because of the ecstasy, but I cried legit 250 times in 6 days and was having very severe drug induced bipolar episodes. Before that I remember doing an extremely potent fentanyl like opiate and crying to my mom saying that I don't want to die and told her where all my drugs were. Before that they found 10 different drugs in a pouch in my pocket and I was crying on shrooms but I was too happy to feel guilty idk This time I thought, if I throw away the ecstasy, I wont feel so guilty not for everyone else, but for myself so I feel better now that it's gone.. I've just felt so numb after my parents split up and I was so innocent. My mom would kick me out of the house and lock the door to mind my sister because she couldn't stand us because my dad was always gone and she wanted to divorce him and I got so angry. Then my abusive step dad came into the picture and basically ruined my life for a long time. |
#266
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
But I'm not flushing anymore drugs. I'm trying to get better. |
#267
|
||||
|
||||
Quote:
Still it's hard on the septic tank to flush things like that down it and usually means it needs to be pumped out earlier in the year then once a year depending on the tank and how much it holds and the run off exit. I know my mom live on a septic tank the bacteria in the tank have a hard time breaking it down and well I would get in trouble and have to pay for the $250 of the pump job. It was never fun that coming off my pay check!
__________________
Love, Light and Happiness!!! |
#268
|
||||
|
||||
Desoxyn,
I'm glad your relapse was short lived, and you were able to get rid of the drugs. That shows how much you want to be well. I get what you mean when you say you just want to be content. I kind of feel the same way. I've mostly given up on happy and will settle for not depressed. Are you being treated for your depression? Or is it all drug induced and staying clean the solution. I'm sorry you had such an unhappy childhood. No one deserves that, but I'm glad you're going to get to see your Dad. You're kicking a pretty heavy duty poly drug addiction, so I wouldn't expect things to go totally smoothly, but you can do it. I'm cheering for you. splitimage
__________________
![]() "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba ![]() |
![]() Desoxyn
|
#269
|
||||
|
||||
Sorry, Desoxyn...Still sore from shoulder surgery, so this will be short. I'm so glad you've taken the steps toward getting clean! It does my heart good to experiencing someone else's victories over substances. Thanks for letting us share in your victories!
|
![]() Desoxyn
|
#270
|
||||
|
||||
Desoxyn, it sounds like you are turning to corner toward recovery. Nice!
__________________
| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
![]() Desoxyn
|
#271
|
||||
|
||||
Thanks everyone
Quote:
I might need to go back on Prozac. |
#272
|
||||
|
||||
Might be worth talking with your Dr. about the Prozac. I know for me, that it's a lot easier to stay sober, when my depression is under control.
splitimage
__________________
![]() "I danced in the morning when the world was begun. I danced in the moon and the stars and the sun". From my favourite hymn. "If you see the wonder in a fairy tale, you can take the future even if you fail." Abba ![]() |
#273
|
||||
|
||||
Depression and drinking/using were hand and glove for me. Prozac gave me irritable hypomania, which wasn't any better than depression, but for monopolar depression it seems to be the top choice. Why did they change it if it was working (or was it)?
__________________
| |Up and down |And in the end it's only round and round |Pink Floyd - Us and Them | |bipolar II, substance use disorder, ADD |lamictal, straterra | |
#274
|
|||
|
|||
Hi guys. I haven't been able to post in a couple days, my phone has been broken and I have just been down in the trenches so to speak. Sleeping and crying :/
I moved out of my girlfriends house this week. We weren't sure if we were breaking up or what... I told her the using was getting way too much and needed to stop if we could move forward. She told me she would stop using... I really hope she meant it. So far she has stuck to it. |
![]() childofchaos831
|
#275
|
|||
|
|||
On the other hand, I am 5 days clean. I hate this coming down business. Sleep eat cry sleep eat cry sleep eat. I am going to have to start a fast tomorrow or I will be gaining weight soon :/
|
![]() childofchaos831
|
Closed Thread |
|