[RubyRae]

Just curious if there are other members here that are dealing with an addict(or addicts) in the family.I know I am not the only one but I don't really read that much about it here at PC.

My husband is an addict.He has been throughout our entire marriage,I have just been in denial I guess and have been hiding it from the rest of the world.

I am to the point where I can't live in silence about it anymore.His relapses just keep progressing,getting worse each time,and closer together.

I am at a loss.And I am close to giving up on this marriage.

I had an ex who was addicted to alcohol. That, his anger issues, and refusing to find work were the things that led to me breaking it off with him. Living with an addict is difficult because even if they do love you, the addiction will always come before you. It is hurtful and hard to accept.

Have you ever discussed your concerns with your husband? Is he aware that he suffers from addiction? Would he be willing to get help for it?

[RubyRae]

Yes,I have discussed it,many,many times.He doesn't believe he has a problem and therefore not willing to get help.

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Yes,I have discussed it,many,many times.He doesn't believe he has a problem and therefore not willing to get help.

I am sorry to hear that. My ex was very much the same. You will have to decide if this is something you can live with, or something you need to separate yourself from.

[RubyRae]

Thanks for responding scaredandconfused.

I guess I should have been more upfront and specific in my original post.I also have 2 kids(adults) that are addicts.As is my nephew,my MIL and what I am looking for is others who are 'currently' going through the same.

It's extremely difficult being surrounded by addicts and not letting myself get caught up in all their chaos and drama.Sometimes it's so hard to not take on their problems and remain detached.It's hard to not try to always help or fix them.It gets overwhelming at times.I don't want to lose myself in them.

I am currently attending Alanon meetings but I was hoping to connect with others here.

[treevoice]

Hi,

I just wanted to chirp in and say thank you for all the time you've devoted to trying to make your marriage work. I've been on the other side, the spouse with the addiction, and I could not have made it through without the relentless support of my husband, who never gave up on me even when I really really deserved to be given up on. Coming from that perspective, I just wanted to let you know, that it is okay if you need to give up the fight. If your husband is not willing to acknowledge he even has a problem, that is a roadblock you cannot force him to get passed. But if there's any part of you that thinks your marriage might be worth saving if only you can get through to him, I would encourage you to consider having this conversation with him and telling him that you are at your breaking point and that if he wants to make the marriage work he needs to admit he has a problem and start seeking help. I can tell you honestly that being threatened with my husband leaving me did more for me getting sober than any other guilt or self-willed efforts ever did. It's not an easy journey and it's important to do some soul searching to figure out how hard you are willing to fight for him to get better, and at the end of the day there is no shame in removing yourself from an unhealthy situation. I hope you're able to find all the support you need, wishing you love, luck, and strength. <3

[Dalea]

I have family members who are addicts. I also go to ALANON and find that helps. I do know I have no control over addiction and it is a disease. It is still very heartbreaking at times, though.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by treevoice

Hi,

I just wanted to chirp in and say thank you for all the time you've devoted to trying to make your marriage work. I've been on the other side, the spouse with the addiction, and I could not have made it through without the relentless support of my husband, who never gave up on me even when I really really deserved to be given up on. Coming from that perspective, I just wanted to let you know, that it is okay if you need to give up the fight. If your husband is not willing to acknowledge he even has a problem, that is a roadblock you cannot force him to get passed. But if there's any part of you that thinks your marriage might be worth saving if only you can get through to him, I would encourage you to consider having this conversation with him and telling him that you are at your breaking point and that if he wants to make the marriage work he needs to admit he has a problem and start seeking help. I can tell you honestly that being threatened with my husband leaving me did more for me getting sober than any other guilt or self-willed efforts ever did. It's not an easy journey and it's important to do some soul searching to figure out how hard you are willing to fight for him to get better, and at the end of the day there is no shame in removing yourself from an unhealthy situation. I hope you're able to find all the support you need, wishing you love, luck, and strength. <3

Thank you for responding.You have given me food for thought.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Dalea

I have family members who are addicts. I also go to ALANON and find that helps. I do know I have no control over addiction and it is a disease. It is still very heartbreaking at times, though.

Hugs.

Yes,it IS very heartbreaking.It's very hard for me to accept that I have no control over it.I want to help and fix them so badly.

[*Laurie*]

My precious sister was an addict...her drug addictions spanned four decades. Her addiction put my family through hell. I hurt for her for many, many years. The drugs (and cigarettes) did immense damage to her lungs and heart. Last year, she finally died of cancer.

I miss her tremendously.