[bizi]

The play was greek mythology.
WE enjoyed it.
I was a little bit cold but mostly warm, I should have brought a scarf!
I am cold natured though and am waiting for the heat to arrive. Although it was 79 today.....The wind is what made it chilly tonight.
WE ate a lot of food for dinner.
Had almonds before dinner then went for char broiled oysters which were not as good as usual. Something about the cheese....I did not really like them.
I complained to the waitress and wrote it up on a comment card.
I had steamed veggies with crawfish ettoufe on top with melted cheese, the good kind of cheese.That was delicious! Hubby had boiled crawfish and he really like them. He shared half of a red/new potato and I dipped into his dip that he made with horseradish. IT was really good. AM trying to watch my carb intake.
anyway....
I will get back to really dieting on monday. Jeff leaves on wednesday to fly to INDY to see his mom and give a talk about eddy van halen at a conference. His colleague is speaking about steely dan.....
Indy had 6 inches of snow which is unheard of for almost april! Wonder if it will all melt by wednesday.
It is time to think about getting ready for bed, I want to read some about refuge recovery. from a Budda mindset.
bizi

[bizi]

I never made it to bed...I have been on the computer for hours.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

I am a crazy lady!!!!!!
I can't get off the computer!!!!!
It is like I am glued to it.
constantly going from my favorited sites. Bipolar neurotalk, pyschcentral, yahoo email, addictions forum, facebook, nutrition forum, then back to the top and go to all of the other favorites to see if someone has responded to my thread....
sigh
it is a sickness.
sigh
bizi
my husband will be out of town starting wednesday thru the weekend. I have been known to stay on line for 6 hours.....when he is gone.

[bizi]

just realized hubby will be gone 8 days!!!!
sigh
I could be really disciplined and lose 2 pounds like try a fast and intermitant fasting. Maybe just try one meal a day.
I don't know That sounds more reasonable and doable than a complete fast..
This also falls after easter. I gave up alcohol for lent but could try for longer.... like a dry march. Well actually april 1st is easter and that would be a dry march!
My husbands best friend gave up alcohol for lent too. He does this every year to prove to himself that he is not an alcoholic. I know that I am an alcoholic/binge drinker. He has invited me over for an easter party. If I go I will take an uber there and back from my house.
I may decline but I don't know at this point. Being sober feels pretty good. Like I said, jeff is gone so I could really keep up with a healthy week if I try. I am giving myself permission either way. I have not said yes to his invite. He really wants me to come.
He will get s@#it faced.
Do I really want to watch that? Who else will be there? I should ask him. Perhaps that will help me make a decision. I can't see drinking by myself. What is the fun in that?
I am more of a social drinker, but have social anxiety. I usually drink to deal with the anxiety.
But I definitely have gone to bars by myself to drink.
sigh
I have time to decide.
Jeff gets home the thursday after easter at 11pm.
bizi

[sans]

Hi Bizi
I hear ya on that computer addiction thing. It seem like time escapes in cyberland. Maybe setting a timer and sticking to it would be an idea.
You are doing so well on the weight loss. I haven't lost any weight. I know the reason is that I need to move more, and eat less. lol Springtime goals.
That's a tough call on the Easter party. Sounds like you are thinking it through to come up with what's best for you!
Sans

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I know I spend way too much time on the computer too - it's such an easy way to kill time.

My ex room mate lost over 100 lbs doing intermittent fasting over about a 10 month period, it was incredible. So it does work, if you plan it. I think focussing on your health would be good for when your husband is away.

Maybe make a pros/cons list of being AF and of going to the Easter party. Those might help you make up your mind. I know I wouldn't be able to go to a party where everyone is getting drunk, and remain sober.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you split!

I think I will go and just bring non alcoholic drinks like oduols or sharp if I can find it. And some of my zenia(fizzy drinks sweetened with stevia.)_
I like the ginger root beer. I can always leave early too.

I have been having hot flashes pretty regularly. This is why I got up so early today.
sigh
When will they stop?
bizi
_____

[bizi]

After the concert tonight at the university My husbands best friend came up to me and said "you're coming to my party right?"
I told him that I was coming with non alcoholic drinks, this confused him.
He said I thought you gave up alcohol just for lent. I told him it might be forever. So he said ok bring your drinks and come at 2pm I am making burgers. So I am supposed to bring a side of something.
I want to be able to do this and make it work.
These are very nice people. I should be able to just mingle and be around people. I am already getting anxious about it. The anxiety of people is still less than being alone. Going home to an empty house is not appealing.
Jeff will be out of town until thursday late night.
A girl friend invited me to go to a crawfish boil on good friday so I scheduled the day off and will work saturday instead.
Lots of people who I don't know. OH boy. What was I thinking???
There will be a lot of drinking there...
sigh
This is the life I have chosen.
bizi

[bizi]

Well, I drank 4 beers.

I was just looking for an excuse.
The house has workers here fixing the foundation.
and there are lasrge lholes around part of the house. and they are reconnecting the foundation to the car port and the back patio.
There were problems.
They cut thru an electric line and then there was a water line. both of which were fixed. The power line will be fixed permanently tomorrow.
It is supposed to rain all day tomorrow so the concrete will not be poured to finish the job.
This evening, Jeff's flight got canceled due to weather in houston, so he is flying out in the morning. His colleague is picking him up at 4;40am and it is supposed to pour all day tomorrow.
All of this commotion I gave in to urges to relieve the stress. I drank 3 dark beers which was more like 4 beers at whole foods.
Ate veggie burgers with a side of salad.
It was very good.
I call it a slip up not a relapse.
bizi

[bizi]

I drank 3 beers at whole foods.
planning a trip to branson, missouri in october with a friend of mine.
lots to see and do. Will have to ask our next door neighbors, they go every year.
I went to bed tonight at 7;30 pm and slept for 5 hours now am on line. I had 3 beers at whole foods and ate way to much: chicken wings, buffalo style and a cheese tray all by myself. I am sure I put on a pound just eating all of that. Yes I know that was 3,500 calories.
I woke up having a hot flash....I still get them at 55 years old.
They suck.

I need to go to bed, It is good friday. and I have the day off tomorrow. Am going to a crawfish boil and fish fry. Need to go to my friends by 11am.

bizi

[bizi]

I went back to bed around 1;30 am and took my nite meds and slept off and on until 9am when I got up.
I plan to be AF at the crawfish boil with my friend.

This was not a good day....I am not doing well. I had high hopes to be disciplined, eat right, go to the gym, house cleaned. . I feel like a failure. and this was just day 1 with out jeff.
sigh
bizi

[sans]

Hope it gets better Bizi!
I think it’s ok if everyday is not a good day. Otherwise It’d be so ordinary and predictable xo
Sans

[bizi]

thank you sans.
bizi

[downandlonely]

Hope the party goes ok and you manage to stay alcohol free.

[bizi]

perhaps you call this a relapse????
3rd night in a row....sigh
bizi
I over ate as well, I am just stuffed still some 5 hours later.
sigh

[bizi]

stopped at whole foods again after work. I saw 4 clients today.
Had 4 beers over a 3 hour period.
Had a dinner salad and left overs (grain burger and onion rings)for supper.
I am making little pepperoni "pizzas" for the cook out tomorrow.
Am going to be AF tomorrow at the cook out, bringing non alcoholic drinks.
I think I will give myself permission to eat what ever I want to eat, who knows what other people will bring. One year a couple brought 2 deserts. one was a giant peep, the size of a foot ball and the other one had some sort of pasty nasty bean curd..... lol
This is my husbands best friend BBQ. Jeff is away visiting his mother so will miss the party. Paul is grilling burgers.
Jeff won't be home until thursday night late.
I have not done squat around the house or yard or any work at all except for my business.
I need to do taxes. Not sure if jeff still needs to complete his self employment numbers. I could at least complete them up to that point. We only have 2 weeks left. This is the longest/closet to filing that I have ever done.
I am worried about getting them done in time.
I should finish doing them this week. Maybe I can do them tomorrow after the party.
Having another hot flash....
sigh
Bizi

[bizi]

I am proud of myself for I made it through the easter party alcohol free.
Even more proud of myself....going home from the party I said what the heck I will stop off at the grocery store and pick up some beer. Went in and looked around, nothing sounded good....Then I came upon a sparkling hard water with only 90 calories each and stared at it for a while and decided that I made it thru the party with out drinking then I could make it the rest of the day not drinking. So I turned around and went home and poured myself a ginger root beer....no calories.
I am still full from the big dinner. I over ate!!!
There was only one other female there and she was not very talkative.
I tried to stay busy doing dishes, I am not really good in social situations.
I am doing a load of laundry, my uniforms for tomorrow. Did a little paper work then talked with jeff on the phone. They had a wonderful easter dinner. Some friends came over, they are coming for festival international in 3 weeks. Jeff was surprised the I remained AF at the party.
Maybe I can get back to healthy eating and back to the gym. I really fell off the wagon.
I weighed myself and I weighed 175 this morning, not happy about that at all.
Going to go to bed early tonight.
My laundry should not take that long.
bizi

[sans]

Yay Bizi!
You are a strong lady. Pretty sure I would have failed that scenario. Great job!
Sans

[bizi]

Thank you sans.
I had 2 mock bloody mary's and switched to sweetened water.
It worked.
I hope you are well.
bizi

[bizi]

I just finished our taxes....
UGH!
The health savings account got sticky because we over paid into it last year by mistake and had to pay a penalty for it.
sigh
I started looking into the new tax cuts and how they would apply to us.
Yes the standard deduction doubled but they took away the personal exemptions. so it looks like we will get some small refund next year if all goes well, instead of having to pay like this year. So it is good for us.
bizi

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by bizi

I had 2 mock bloody mary's and switched to sweetened water.

Or as they are known in some circles "A Bloody Shame".
Sorry; I probably shouldn't do drink humor here. Anyway, glad you have been doing well and sticking to it.

[bizi]

I have drank like a sailor before and after easter. So it is not good.
bizi

[bizi]

Sunday:
It is 52 degrees and windy.
And I am going to an outdoor blue grass concert out of town.
Winds will be up to 25 mph. Burr!
I have long underwear and a turtle neck. and winter coat with a scarf and am bringing a camping chair and blanket.
The only thing I can't control is my hot flashes then I will be miserable with all of my clothes that I am wearing.
Not going to think about that.
I am going by myself.
Jeff is going out of town for 2 nights.
After the concert I have been invited to go to a crawfish boil.
Looking forward to that...I think....I will know other people there. I am going to try to make an effort to talk to Katy the hostess, maybe ask her if she would like to do lunch some time. Maybe make a better friendship with her. She is in my phone contacts already so I think she would be open to that.
A new friend.
bizi

[bizi]

After the veterans park ceremony and blue grass concert (they played patriotic songs and ones with the louisiana themes).
I enjoyed them. Got teary eyed when the song they sang was
"proud to be an american" I always tear up at that song.

I hate to admit this but I ate at subway before going to The crawfish boil.
I am not that much into crawfish. so I ate the sausage and some collards that they grew in their gardens and corn and potatoes. Yum that is my favorite. They were lovely hosts and I felt somewhat comfortable there by myself.
When I was leaving I asked Katy if she would like to do lunch and she was very agreeable.

I left a bit early due to being cold even though I had long under wear and a turtle neck, sweater and a coat.
I am such a whimp!

I am doing a load of laundry, work uniforms for tomorrrow.

There is a very friendly cat who is a tortoise shell color, so we call her torty. She lives across the street but is very very friendly and talkative.
She spends a lot of time at our house. We never feed her, just give her lots of attention and loving when ever she is there coming or going. I wish our cats were that friendly.

Jeff is gone....he comes back on tuesday, short trip.
bizi

[sans]

That’s great Bizi
Enjoy your lunch! A new friendship is exciting!
Sans