[bizi]

WE cooked the first of 3 meals:
sausage with pasta dish it was very good.
It had red peppers and cream cheese and diced tomatoes, chopped onion, garlic parmesan cheese.
WE both liked it, There are left overs.
tomorrow we go to a pool party but I will not be in a bathing suit
...nope not going there.
Art walk was tonight. Saw alot of interesting work.
My feet got tired I was in new shoes and had not broken them in...I need to see if I can get them stretched. They are leather so I should be able to.
A couple of beers and a couple of glasses a wine...not too bad.
Getting ready to have some pop corn and a fudge bar only 40 calories!
My hands are so swollen , my fingers are like sausages...very uncomfortable.I can barely move my wedding rings. Wonder what that is about.
bizi

[bizi]

I call myself an alcoholic (I say I have an addictive personality: food, alcohol , internet) but don't want anyone else to call me that. Maybe I feel it is a judgement on their part, judging me.
I don't want to be judged.
I already feel ashamed of a behavior, when I choose to drink and drive. Usually I have only had a few and I am very close to home 5 blocks, neighbor hood blocks, 25 miles per hour blocks.
I am embarrassed by how much weight I have gained. I look in the mirror and wonder who is this woman????
anyway.
I wonder if this rings true to other people who suffer with addictions?

lunch today was a mix up of healthy food and not so healthy food.
I was on the north west side of lafayette, scott LA. Home of the best boudin balls in the area. So I had to stop for one but ended up ordering 2, one regular and one pepperjack cheese. they were both delicious! After that I went to sandras health food cafe and had a piece of veggie quiche.

For dinner I Had a good meal tonight of chicken fahitas the 2nd meal from the food box meals. tomorrow is sweet and spicy chicken teryaki over rice.

I passed the witching hour for beer, small cravings when I saw hubby having one.
I have said that I was not going to drink until friday when we go to pensicola for a quick trip for 2 nights. It is kinda like a last hurrah before hubby goes back to teaching, and to celebrate our wedding anniversary which is the 24th.
We made it to 22 years!
So I still have time to think of some gift for him.
I am terrible at gift giving.

After dinner I went to planet fitness and walked on the tred mill for 75 minutes. 60 of which were on a 5% incline. I went 3.5 miles, and actually sweat a bit. Then rewarded myself with 10 minutes on the hydro message bed.

I am a bit hungry maybe have a fudge bar for 40 calories.
I am missing seinfeld but will catch the second one at 10pm.
my neck is a lot better about 80%. don't know if it my arthritis or
muscular, probably both.
All in all I saw 3 clients today and had another area frozen off of my fore head it did not take.. Last monday I had 10 areas frozen....dark sun spots from the sun.
I am considering have more cosmetic surgery, light therapy maybe laser. My face is riddled with scars from acne and rosacea spider veins on my checks I still deal with acne.. I hate my complexion.
Will see, it is expensive!

Hubby says to do it.
He is a good man and am very lucky to be married to him
bizi

[splitimage]

Bizi,

I struggle with the term alcoholic. I am one, but I don't like the term. I prefer the medical Dx - substance use disorder. Too many negative connotations around the word alcoholic. That's one of the things I like about Women for Sobriety - they never use the word. Their statement 1, is "I have a life threatening problem, that once had me. I now take charge of my life and well being. I accept the responsibility." Much more positive in my view.

Well done on the exercise front, you're doing infinitely better than me on that front.

Your food descriptions always make me hungry. You eat so many different things. I have a very boring diet.


Good luck on staying AF until Fri. I think that's a good goal.

splitimage

[bizi]

Thank you so much for reading and for your support split.
I like your version of substance use disorder. That is what I think is on my medical record. Except mine says chronic substance use disorder.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

Took a shower!!!!!!
Left over Cabbage soup for breakfast, 3 cups of coffee.
lunch was veggie lasagna from sandras with swiss chard.
mid afternoon I snacked on some almonds and took a caffeine pill.
dinner was the last of the meal box. sweet and spicy stir fry chicken teriyaki .
It took the longest time to cook about 45 minutes.
It was very good.
had 2 pieces of dark chocolate for desert
but was feeling like that was not enough so I had a fudge bar.
oh rats I am having more hot flashes today have had 3 when I had not had any in quite a while. I really thought I was done with that part. guess not....
My hands are glistening as I type.
I intended to do some paper work but that did not happen.
Maybe I can get up early and do some in the morning.
It is possible that I could do this!
I remained alcohol free as per my goal until friday
when we go to pensicola florida for a couple of days.

Saw 4 clients....great day!
bizi

[splitimage]

Well done on staying AF,

And congratulations on your wedding anniversary, I forgot to put that in my last message.

Sorry you're having hot flashes, I hear they're miserable. I've been supremely lucky and managed to get through menopause without having them.

splitimage

[bizi]

Got up early this morning to do paperwork as I did not get any done last night. Billing is done, now all that is left is filing which is easy to do.

Last night I booked our first outing for prague. We will go to a dinner with mozart/ vocalists and 5 piece quintet in a lovely venue.
On to my 3rd cup of coffee...need to start getting ready for the day.
bizi

[bizi]

Got done early today which was not good as then the witching hour comes sooner and becomes that much more difficult to remain alcohol free.
And on my way home I had to chant in my head "I am in control, I am in control" and so one for half the ride home.,,,then almost went to Fat Pats for a couple of beers just down the street from my house. Almost.
I remembered this acronym: Halt, Was I hungry, angry, lonely or tired?
So I sat on this for a while and decided that I was hungry.
Then as soon as I got home I reheated some left overs for an early dinner.
Pasta/sausage and some lentil/rice that I picked up at sandras.
I also drank a cream soda which I love..
Had too much to eat, then I had a fudge bar and reevaluated how I felt.
Well, I was tired, kept falling asleep at the computer so decided to lay down and take a nap.
In the mean time Jeff has gone to a dinner meeting.
There is beer in the fridge that I love.
I just woke up from an hour and a half nap ... I had gotten up early at 6:30 am to do paper work that I did not get done last night.
Importantly, I remained alcohol free.
Was going to go to the gym but it is too late.
Saw 4 clients today, had lunch with an acquaintance, Bill.
I would say this was a successful day.
bizi

edited to say:
I ended up going to the gym and walked a 5K.
now am headed to bed.
thanks for your support!
bizi

[bizi]

so far for the past 2 weeks I have stuck by my plan. Alcohol free monday thru thursday the drink friday sat and sunday.
It will be the same this weekend when we go to pensicola for the weekend. WE will spend 2 nights at the Paradise Inn Should be fun.
I told jeff that I wanted to be able to go to the beach in the mornings when he feeds the seagulls.
Really don't want to get sick again like usual from drinking too much.
But really looking forward to the bush whackers(think frosty with rum).
It will be hot there but cooler in the evenings when we like to walk on the beech.
Dawn the bartender remembers us each year...or at least she says she does.
The tiki hut right out side our room, plays music every night until 11pm. A lot of locals hang out there. I can't remember how many years we have been going there.
They have a board walk/dock that people pull up to in their boats to have dinner and watch the band play.
WE leave in the morning. I think it is a 6 hour drive there maybe shorter.
Hubby came home earlier than me and is resting on the couch.
Today was a long day for him. Classes officially start monday.
Tonight we are going to some friends house for dinner.I should have mentioned that I am dieting and not drinking tonight. I need to convince myself in this resolve.
bizi

[bizi]

It was a very nice dinner. WE were there from 6:45 to 9pm.
My girl friend cooked dinner a beef stew she made cheese grits. cucumber and tomato salad. She made crescent rolls, I ate 3 of them. She had cookies for desert I think I had 4 of them, small chocolate chip kind.

Instead of drinking I ate.
one addiction for another.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

At my friends house last night...my girl friend announced that she was never going to lose her weight gain and that she has given up and just accepting her size.

That maybe good for her, I am not ready to give up.
I am not happy looking at the scale this morning nor myself......
179.9....3 years ago I was 137. ( I drank a lot of good beer in those 3 years!)
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

we had a great time in pensacola.
I got caught up in sleep and hubby fed the seagulls several times/mornings. I fed them once was enough...
not really my thing but hey it is doing something together. WE also fed fish.
It is hard walking in sand.
We ate and drank a lot but did not get carried away.
no hang overs.
bizi

[splitimage]

Originally Posted by bizi

we had a great time in pensacola.
I got caught up in sleep and hubby fed the seagulls several times/mornings. I fed them once was enough...
not really my thing but hey it is doing something together. WE also fed fish.
It is hard walking in sand.
We ate and drank a lot but did not get carried away.
no hang overs.
bizi

Glad you had a good time in Pensacola. Feeding seagulls wouldn't be my first choice, but hey if your hubby enjoys it. Glad you didn't have any hangovers.

splitimage

[bizi]

our last meal at the beach was sharing an lobster omelet and eggs Benedict.
WE ate brunch at Hemmingways, it was very, very good. Great bloody marys too.
We asked for some muffins( we wanted to feed more seagulls) and she gave us 3. One was chocolate it was delicious and so moist I had to eat it with a fork, the seagulls did not get any of that one! But they did get the other 2. They liked the muffins and screeched for more. Wonder what their diet usually is like.
Back to reality, I have 4 clients today....the most I have for the whole week. Surly some will call to make an appointment. I will be bored if they don't call, as I have only 1 or 2 for the rest of the month.

Have a great day yall!
bizi

[bizi]

Came home and had 3 strong IPA'S and did not sleep well last night. I have a strange medical issue.
If I accidentally sleep on my back I wake up with a painful diaphragm, rib cage that is painful to breath in. It wakes me up. I just have to breath in and out deeply to stretch my lungs and work thru the pain. IT is getting worse.
what can the doctors do?
preventative is just simply ensure that I don't sleep on my back. I know that sounds weird..
Yes I will be alcohol free monday thru thursday.
bizi

[bizi]

Had a good lunch, hamburger grass fed beef. bowl of quinoa and chard soup, side of kale.
dinner of lemon peppered talapia sauteed in coconut oil with brocolli steamed.
had a fudge bar for 40 calories and about 50 calories of popped corn because jeff ate half the bag.
So it was a good diet day.
no snacking on almonds.
I also remained alcohol free.
I had to tell myself that I was in control for about a minute while the urge past.
going to take charge of my drinking. Allow myself drinks on the weekend again this is my third week.
Went to the gym and was on the stair masters climbing up stairs that move down, you step up. I could only do that for 5 minutes and was huffing. then got on the tred mill for 67 minutes for a total of 72 minutes and 3.5miles. I love watching the food competitions..
Wanted to come home and watch seinfeld with hubby so I skipped the hydro bed.
Saw 4 clients so today was a great day.
tomorrow I only have 2 clients and the rest of the month looks pretty bad. you can't always have stellar months. This will be a low month if I don't get any calls for appointments.
This will be a challenge for my sanity and test my resolve.
bizi

[bizi]

my neck is bothering me again not as bad but stiff and achy this morning. I noticed it after the gym trip. Maybe it was the way I held my head up to watch tv???

I go to planet fitness and one of the members had their car stolen from there. There used to be a key station where you could just hang up your keys while you work out. Well some one took somebodies keys and went out to the parking lot and hit the key fob and figured out which car it was. So they took away that feature. I know I would freak out if some one stole my car! So I understand, last night I just kept my keys with me,Tried them in my pocket but they irritated my leg so I just put them on a shelf on the machine.

It worked out fine.
I can see them clearly so won't forget them.
Have a great day yall!
bizi

[bizi]

survived another night alcohol free knowing that I give permission to drink on the weekends make staying abstinence during the week a bit easier.
bizi

Originally Posted by bizi

survived another night alcohol free knowing that I give permission to drink on the weekends make staying abstinence during the week a bit easier.
bizi

Progress.

[bizi]

hey hey hey its hump day!
I am happy how the week is going so far.
Watching my diet, eating healthy.
for lunch I had grilled triple tip fish which was very good after
adding some cajun seasoning, salt free.
Also had some bok choy and collards and cauliflower, all steamed.
The fish was a huge filet and very filling.
I did not snack in the afternoon like usual.
at 2pm I did stop and have a cup of ice coffee with cream.
saw 4 clients today so that was a good day.
Sat on the floor for 2 clients because of leg issues.
It is hard to get up off the floor these days.
Dinner consisted of kale greens and cabbage mixed with
shrimp and some beets then covered
with a marinara. Came home and microwaved it putting some zesty italian dressing on it.
The concoction was ok. Not the best meal that I ever ate.
Went to the gym this evening: 5min on the stair master and 4 miles on the tred mill for 80 minutes. Watched cooking competitions again, love that.
Came home around 9:45 and Jeff was home. He had a gig in baton rouge.
Snuggled up to him and watched tv for a bit.
Washed my face and took my night meds.
Getting ready to hit the hay. I don't have an early morning appointment
so I don't have to set the alarm. I took a shower today so I am good.
Good night all oh I forgot to tell you: I was alcohol free tonight. lots of urges the I reasoned away. I am trying to stay af until friday for mod on the week end.
bizi

[bizi]

Hubby took the car to auto zone and they helped him with a metal ring to get the cables sitting right on the battery itself. So that was good. They also ran a diagnostic test on the car to see if there was anything showing up and it was good to go!

Made it another day alcohol free making it my 3rd week
with in the guide lines I set for myself.
Again, We are celebrating our 22nd wedding

anniversary tomorrow night at Marcellos.
It is a favorite restaurant of ours. I have had the best red fish there....yummy!
Hubby likes the lobster crab seafood pasta dish. I may have a beer there, don't know.
maybe we will go out after dinner at 6;30pm.
Had a good lunch rotisserie chicken, dark meat. chard and cole slaw and turnips.
no snack
Big dinner sauteed chicken in coconut oil with mushroom masala with mixed veggies(corn, brocolli, edemame, carrots) and the rest of the cranberry/apple/coleslaw that my friend made and gave to us. I am stuffed, oh forgot about the 2 mall squares of dark chocolate.
I am the worst gift giver.
This afternoon I went to rite aide to get a card for hubby. I also decided that I would pick up some of his favorite candies, then decided that I would shop there for things he might need or want: bottle of tangera gin, candles for the pumpkins this halloween, batteries, and a rolling stones magazine.
And I picked out a very nice card.
sigh
bizi

[bizi]

We had a delicious dinner! mussels with a garlic lemon saute that we dunk garlic herbed bread. So good!
Then I had snapper with asparagus and a lemon butter caper sauce, it was delicious too.
Had a total of 4 beers, not bad for being a planned drinking day.
great meal!
bizi

[bizi]

WE are getting together with some friends of ours for her birthday at a fancy restaurant. I went to good willl to find a dress that fit because I have gained so much weight that nothing fits.
sigh

well I found a dress that fit but my belly stuck out so much with a girdle it makes it more tolerable. looking forward/straight on, you can't tell my belly looks pregnant only when you look side profile ways does this show the weight gain in my belly. The girdle helps smooth the look out and it is the first time that I have something that shows cleavage! maybe they won't notice my belly....

I would say my experience at good will was a good one. I only tried on 6 dresses before I settle on this one. $6.50 can't beat it.
We are to meet them at 7 pm...there may be other people there but I have no control over that. I have already drank 2 big beers to combat social anxiety issues. and it is only close to 4pm.


Jeff got me a heat pack for my neck. It is microwavable and is wonderful on my neck, back and shoulders. I tried it last night and I really like it.!
He also bought me 2 jerry douglas's CD's.

He is a dough borough (I know that is not the correct spelling).
He plays with allison Krause and the union station band.
So I am looking forward to listening to them.
Blue grass and other music types not sure as I have not listened to them yet.
bizi

who is taking it easy this saturday.
_____________

[bizi]

my father has tennis elbow and golfers elbow. his orthopedic doctor said to use either hot or cold what ever felt better.
The heat feels good, I hate the cold!
Jeff got me a heated thru the microwave heating

pad that wraps around your neck.

I love it!
My neck is better today. amazing how quickly it improved in one day. Yesterday it was very hard to lift my head off the pillow and today I was able to get up as normal with out pain.
Sorry to blather about my neck but I am getting better quicker this time around.
bizi

[bizi]

Monday, start of the work week is slow only 2 clients tomorrow afternoon so sleep in and take shower.
still recovering from all of the food.
had several beers today with a good dinner:salmon ( added lemon, orange teriyaki and shredded ginger) and tomato pepper rice soup. It was very good.
Monday will resume diet and AF.
Have a great week>!
bizi