Drinking tolerances and bipolar

Anyone on here a drinker that is also bipolar? I want to know if your drinking tolerances change during hypomanic episodes. I’m a binge drinker. I drink alone and black out when severely depressed - simply to disappear and numb myself. I drink socially to excess when hypomanic simply because I feel invincible and consequences do not exist. When hupomanic there are times when I literally will never feel drunk when my friends who have consumed as much as I have are obliterated and I have a smaller frame than them. Those times I feel like I’m on a different level than everyone else and am extremely charged with energy and acute awareness. Would love to hear your experiences even if not bipolar on changes in tolerance. I’m trying to identify behaviour patterns so I can identify the onset of an episode.

Thank you 🙏🏼 ... and thank you Bizzi for showing me this forum ☺️

welcome sha!
I have already told you of my experiences. This is a small froum I hope you get some replies.
(((((HUGS))))))
bizi

I rarely drank when hypomanic and when I did, it was usually not to excess; I would set my drink down and forget about it. I was a down drinker.

I don’t understand the dynamics of hypo mania. I was diagnosed with bp type 2 several years ago, and I’m just starting to grasp the possibility that the diagnosis could be correct.
When I drank, it was to medicate. Or celebrate. Or just get that high, happy feeling I couldn’t get being sober. Sometimes I remember getting drunk really fast and thinking that the older I get the less I can handle my liquor. My drinking was always binge drinking. Even if I intended on one beer, I usually drank all that I had.
I always drank alone, and at home. I would replay events in my mind, and feel sorry or guilty or ashamed that I didn’t become someone lovable. Sometimes I would text or message my exes, with whatever I thought was funny or stupid that they deserved to hear.
It’s embarrassing to think about. I’ve been sober over 3 months. Many times, I’ve had strong cravings, and even let my grown kids know that I will drink if I want (causes arguments) to prepare them for a possible relapse.
Especially when the days get warm, I think of nothing finer than a beer and a cig on the back porch watching the birds. I just know that it goes from a beautiful scene to a dark place more often than it should.
That pretty much sums up my story. Welcome and look forward to getting to know you.
Sans

Thank you For getting me to the right place Bizi. You are a generous and forgiving. 🙏🏼

Oh that’s good! Keep it that way for sure

Thank you for sharing. That’s me too exactly- except that I don’t have kids.

I’ve written some pretty horrible things on this forum when drink that I’m deeply ashamed of and misinterpreted many messages and others intentions. If I was sober and not hypomanic (also experiencing heightened anger) I could have been the bigger person. I too send text messages I regret and it a big part of what brings me here. My therapist suggested AA but I haven’t worked up the courage to go yet. I’m not ready to quit.

I understand you wanting to set the expectation with your family that things could change because otherwise that’s a lot of pressure placed on you. I would likely to the same.... subconsciously.

Sorry for the typos. It’s bed time. I should have proof read first before sending.

You are in my thoughts salsharia! It’s a tough place to be for sure.
I like these kinds of groups for growth. There are other online sobriety groups. Women for sobriety is one I tried a few years ago. I’ve heard great things about smart recovery, never tried it.
I tried AA. I was never comfortable with speaking up. On the rare times I did speak, I felt really disconnected from the group. My social anxiety kept me from trying again. I might try it again one day. I did enjoy the speaker groups at AA.
For me, alcohol use has caused so much damage. I can’t be the happy social drinker I always wanted to be. No matter how many times I try it again, the outcome is the same. Maybe if I try really hard in the beginning, I can put my phone away and listen to music, and be chill. But that never lasts.
It’s painful to feel real emotion while sober. But it’s worth it, and a step in healing. We are here to help one another. I’m here for you. Xo
Sans

When i am drinking too much I will black out. periods of time are gone. Like hubby will be driving and we go to an art walk and I drink too much but don't know that then. It is the next day when I try to put the pieces together. like I don't remember getting home.
That is kind of scary.
Many times I will get sick if I have too much to drink too fast.
bizi

That is a scary feeling. Do you belong to any sobriety groups?

Thanks for your kind words. Let me be here for you too. ☺️ I might go to a meeting this week. I’m ready now. Something happened that probably needed to happen and that was my not so gentle nudge.

Well, with the adjustment of not drinking at all now. 10 months tomorrow.

congratulations are in order. yes for 10 months!!!!!!!

bizi
who is foolishly striving for moderation when i know that is impossible for an addict.

Thanks, though it isn't tomorrow yet. I am optimistic that I will make it though.

To what Bizi said!!! We salute you. Congratulations indeed. You are strong and you deserve to be very proud of yourself.

Not in person.
I went to one refuge recovery meeting.
a support group following a buddhist mentality.
It was a bunch of young guys so I felt awkward.
I post on a nutrition site where the focus is losing weight by cutting back on the booze.

do you?
bizi

What ever works for you!! That sounds helpful. I’m debating going to a group. I haven’t drank in 4 days and will continue and then seek out group once I get the urge. My therapist told me about sobriety groups but I get nervous just thinking about walking in there and then... what if they make me speak. Eeeeep 👀😬

I went to an AA meeting one time and they made me speak. I told them I was an adult child of an alcoholic which is true. It was very religious and that is not my thing.
so I never went back.
bizi

Yes, good to know. It wouldn’t be mine either. My therapist told me about secular AA groups but even in a big city there are not too many.