Daily Check In #3

Just checking in; 659 days. Congrats, Greentires and Bizi! Trying to stay vigilant because it doesn't bother me at all to be around people drinking or hear people making plans, talking about drinks and drinking or whatever. It's hard to say whether I am better off thinking of myself as a problem drinker currently abstaining that needs to think about it in situations where it could be tempting or thinking of myself as a non drinker with problems in the past I don't dwell on. I think the main thing I need to stay disciplined on is my desire to stay healthy; not drinking is just one facet of that but it's a very important one.

6 months sober today. I'm pretty happy with that as it's the longest I've gone in a while. I'm still having cravings after I take my valium, but they're easier for me to ignore / talk myself out of because I know it's just a chemical reaction in my brain.

splitimage

6 weeks sober!
bizi

Well done splitimage and bizi!

Way to go Bizi

great split,
congratulations on your 6 months...
great job talking yourself out of cravings.
am curious how that happens with the valium???
bizi

Cravings for meth..

I haven't drank alcohol in like a month

Have been obsessing over my weight loss. It is hard being alcohol free for lent. Don't know what I will do come easter maybe drink easter then go back to AF?
bizi

Sobriety count... starting over today.

I might have to go to rehab and withdraw from benzos

Desoxyn,

Not sure which benzo's you're taking or the daily amount, but I'm currently doing a very slow taper off my clonazepam on an outpatient basis. My pdoc, is using the Ashton manual as a guide for the taper. Google it. Of course success with the taper is entirely dependent on my ability to stay with the prescribed dose each day.


Just know that it is possible to get off them without going through a hellish withdrawal.

splitimage

Awesome news bizi and splits! 6 weeks, 6 months - I should have posted 2 days ago when it was 666 days (cue Gregorian chant music). Still smooth sailing lately as far as ny issues with urges or whatnot, though the job is still in peril.

Doing really good. I haven't craved any alcohol or cigarettes (even though there is a fresh pack in my bag). I think it's more of a "out of sight, out of mind" thing at this point.

Thank you. This guide gave me a lot of good information. I must have been taking around 1.5mg xanax a day for a month. I'll try to cold turkey. If that doesn't work then I'll tell my doctor the evils of which I have done...

cocaine.....

If I have over 125 extra Xanax and I am prescribed 2 a day, then I don’t think I have a huge problem. I pray to God my doctor never decides to take me off it because it will be a disaster. I never had an issue when I was on Ativan for 8 years. I developed a dependency on Xanax a couple weeks after starting it.

I tried going one day without it and I had horrible anxiety along with diarrhea as well. It wasn’t good and I honestly don’t know how I can go off it completely if I have to.

It's been 3 days since I took any benzo. So I'm doing good. I just have to be careful.. cuz i need it for panic attacks..

I think I'd end up in the psych ward if I didn't have the occasional benzo to stop me from going insane by not being able to stand the panic attacks any longer..

I'm annoyed and disappointed in myself and others.

Had a small cocaine and xanax binge yesterday but today I will be sober..

Desoxyn, do you know what triggered the binge?
splitimage

bad day beer and weed with bf but refused cracking for first time

Good job on refusing!!

I'm back to day 2.....

My mom drinking and the fact that she could die of heart arrhythmia. All the people partying and drinking and talking about how they snorted cocaine in the past. My mom being with a married man too.

Also the past and what my step dad did to my life the fact that my little sister is going to go to college or university soon and I failed even though I finished high school late because of being in and out of the hospital all the time I feel like everyone has given up on me and I wish I could start over again.

Also I just crave intense hits of things like an impulsive thing.. cigarettes.. I just want to have a good life and I feel like I failed at everything and I'm a loser and no one likes me but they do I just have a hard time DOING THINGS like reading, watching movies.. I can't do normal things because of my cognition..

My psychedelics have arrived but I won't use them.. I ordered them because I had a really trippy dream and wanted to trip..

It's hard being a dark web drug addict.. Normal addicts just go to a dealer but I can just make a few clicks on the web and I instantly get any drug I want..

I flushed my cocaine =]

Now I just need to solve the benzo problem. I will try to go two weeks without. That's when peak withdrawal happens. If I can survive that, I'm good. If I can't, I'll have to be medically tapered.