Daily Check In #3

I am sorry that you are having a relapse.
Be careful of yourself.
Don't want to hurt yourself or some one else.
(((((hugs))))))
bizi

Two days.

I can't take it anymore. There's going to be a lot of suffering in my life and it's going to get worse before it gets better. Much worse.

try to control yourself.
I know it is hard but I believe you can do it.
bizi

Drank one beer tonight and silently reproaching myself for it. I think I'm just obsessive... I don't know...

41 days till 1,700 days sober

Way to go Greentires.

I haven't been around in a while. I noticed that you celebrated your year, splits. That's huge!

Green just keeps plugging along!

I'm hopelessly addicted to phenibut and xanax. I just want to not be tolerant to 1g phenibut.

I was so agitated and my cat kept meowing at me. She knows. I'm being social today so I took 1300mg more phenibut and 0.5mg xanax. Feeling a bit better.

This is the worst I've ever been addicted. I used to take drugs but I was never really addicted to them.

I'm thinking positively. I had a talk with my therapist. I talked really fast in tangents for an hour straight.

I'm doing good. Seroquel was giving me heart palpitations the past 3 nights (Because it prolongs the QT interval) even though it's really good for sleep so I'm using 5mg olanzepine instead and 0.5mg Xanax.

I'm down to 800mg of phenibut a day.

Everything is going really good. I'm not on any other drugs!

My moms friend (She has severe bipolar) left the house to get coke. We were sure that she wasn't going to come back and instead go out on a coke bender. She came back!

My mom flushed 100 dollars worth of coke down the toilet and made her watch (My mom did this with me a couple of times). We all had a group hug and we're proud of her!

I couldn't relate to her though.. Even though I did half a gram of coke every night + dozens of grams of other stimulants, I couldn't relate to how she was saying "But it's an amazing feeling - I can't believe I flushed it"... She talks about the high and I don't remember the high.. I feel like she's going to do it again.

I only have coke cravings for like 10 minutes once every 2-3 months. I don't get it.

I want to get high on something "bad"..

Is there anything you can do to stop the craving that doesn't involve drugs?

I'll try smoking weed, relaxing and watching a podcast

Exercise. But it's winter. And I don't have extra shoes for the gym. I'm not sure what to do. But I'm not going to buy drugs.

I just want adrenaline....

Had my last appointment to wrap things up with my addictions counselor who I've been seeing for the past 18 months. It was good but kind of emotional. She's helped me a lot, but I'm feeling a lot more confident, and she says I've changed a lot in the time she's known me, and that I seem a lot calmer.


She was great, but it was time to move on.

splitimage

I am going for no drugs (marijuana) or alcohol for the month of February.

Good for you WastingAsparagus.

splitimage

What about snow shoes or ice skates or something that involves snow and it’s exercise.

Didn't take a 0.5mg Xanax last night. I'm gonna try and go 2 weeks without it. Still on 800mg of phenibut a day (Tomorrow I'll take 700mg). Been drinking coffee but no energy drinks anymore. Chewing nicotine gum (But I quit smoking cigarettes 6 months ago which is very good). Smoking small amounts of marijuana. The marijuana I see as a medication to help with anxiety to allow me to do the things that I want. CBD helps too.

I feel much better right before I go to sleep when the Vyvanse wears off. I get really bad ADHD symptoms which I use to build knowledge about random things on the internet like example: Last night I went from learning about healthy eating to neuroscience and then learning about South America.

So far so good.

26days until my next milestone of 1,700days sober

you are amazing! congratulations!
bizi

Thanks....

I went ahead and started #4 since this one reached the page limit...

Daily Check In #4 - Forums at Psych Central