Daily Check In #3

PLEASE STOP FLUSHING DOWN YOUR MEDS!!!!!!
just put them into the trash so they don't go into the general water supply.
thank you
bizi

I don't want anyone finding them in the trash because they're very potent and could kill someone.

I can't bring them to the pharmacy to dispose of or I'll get in trouble.

The rats will have to get high. + I don't really care about the general population contaminated with 3 molecules of a drug because everything gets very diluted. The animals won't be affected by my small participation of the tonnes Canadian medical waste at the bottom of the ocean.

This is about ME and my recovery. Not the planet. Many things people do are killing the planet.

5 days... Just got out of IP... Was there 10 days.

This is something that you have control of....stuff tissue paper into the bottle and then use duct tape to conceal the pills. Get my drift.
It is a well documented fact that we should never just flush our meds but so many people do.
sigh
bizi

congratulations on being home.
How are you doing?
(((HUGS))))
bizi

Pretty good. Tried to go to a meeting tonight but got overwhelmed by the amount of stimulation before it started and had to leave. I have a friend staying with me at my house to dilute my mother for a few days. Help ease me back into society, you could say.

I've been irritable, but I think the new antidepressant is making me slightly manic. Just not the fun manic. I'm not depressed and su anymore though, so it's working.

They also changed my antipsychotic medicine, because the old one stopped working for me. I got really psychotic in addition to the su thoughts. That's why I was in the hospital for so long. Kept self harming while there for the first half of the stay. Banging my head and stuff, but I was being honest with the staff about it. The only thing I didn't tell them is that I burned myself, because I was scared they would take away smoke break if they knew.

I should be starting PHP soon, next couple of days hopefully. Waiting on a call back to tell me when to come in. So they can adjust my mood stabilizer at the PHP.

I've got 130 days clean today. Got 4 mos the day I was admitted. I need a meeting, but I also need to take it slow.

My friend should help as a buffer for a lot of stuff. I've got a couple appointments coming up that usually can be a little triggering for me. She's coming with me to one tomorrow, but the one Wednesday is up in the air if she'll be with me right now.

Well, that turned into a book...

Oh the 5 days for for self harm... I thought I posted that in a different thread. I just confused myself...

I don't know what this means...sorry.
hope you are safe.
bizi

I have 131 days clean from substances and 6 days clean from self harm. I mixed up this thread with a different one and put the wrong amount of clean time. In the self injury section, there's a thread for how long it's been, and I thought I was posting there.

I hope that makes more sense.

(It's past midnight now, that's why the numbers are different.)

I was correcting myself because I didn't want y'all to think I had relapsed when I still have the 4 months.

Welcome back childofchaos. I hope you're able to settle back into life, I'm glad you have a friend helping you initially.

Congratulations on the sober time, and stopping the self-injury. I know how hard that is.

splitimage

So in 38 days I will turn 4....Bahaha I mean I will be 4 years sober from alcohol. And it will be several months since I stopped smoking medical cannabis.

It sounds like there is a lot of sobriety here!!! I just wish I could join in on the high numbers of days clean. My goal is for 62 days, but there has been a lot going on and not enough positive things to numb out with.

I'm on day 2, again. I plan on getting rid of my "stash" today, well one at a time. Baby steps. I don't want to have to buy another, and I don't plan on going to where they are sold. But we know how addiction is.

60 days to go. But just one day at a time. I'll get there.

today is day 4 for me. Going to an athiest AA meeting tomorrow. Should be interesting.
bizi

Why do I do this to myself? I'm back to day one this multicultural Counseling class is kicking my butt! Not to mention work stress. I did reach out but it wasn't enough. Back to day 0. Hour 3

Who did you reach out to?
Could you cut back on your work/hours if it is too much right now?
Sorry it is so hard for you right now.

baby steps
You are being hard on your self again....

bizi
(((((HUGS)))))

Started the aftercare group at the hospital yesterday. It's a small group, and I liked all the members. Just by fluke, everyone seems to be around my age or slightly older. Two of the people in the group, I already knew because I'd done rehab with them in the past.


It was also a really interesting group. The first part was a check in, then we had a break, and then talked about relapse triggers.

I'm glad I decided that I want to go.

splitimage

I reached out to a friend in the program, and sponsor.

I can't cut hours. I only have so many that are given. And I work 15-17 hours a week.

I don't know any other way besides being hard on myself.

Have you ever done positive affirmations before?
We are what we think so we must think differently.
If you think negative thoughts that interfers with your sense of worth self esteem.
If you live in the past that is not helpful. learning to live day to day is a skill we can learn. Worrying about the future is futile too....never know what tomorrow will bring.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

So, anxiety has been a problem for me today. Had a teeny bit more than usual past week since cutting back to 4 cans but today is just another level.

Almost tempted to start drinking earlier since it’ll probably go away then but I want to stick to my schedule.

Just have to tough it out for another hour and a half. Lame.

Will bring this up at my appointment on Friday. I think they’ll refer me to the doctor there and I guess some sort of medication may be on the cards.

Strange how it just seemed to come out of nowhere today. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I'm doing good. No drugs. Taking meds as prescribed. Two weeks since I quit smoking.

I almost went back to drinking today my apartment had a fire and I almost punched a dude in the face for thinking someone did on purpose. So most of the morning I walked around my town in pjs and now I am at my doctors in clothes there is water damage in my suite. I don’t see why the fire was at the other side of the building. It shouldn’t be in my suite.

Anyways 1425 days sober.

greentires,
I'm sorry about the fire, I'd find that both scary and annoying. That sucks that you have water damage, the fire dept. probably soaked the whole building to prevent the fire from spreading. Do you have insurance to cover the damage?

And congrats on the milestone.

splitimage

Nothing has been ruined yet but they said the more it sits the worse it gets.

Survived a cook out without drinking. At the dinner table we talked about certain chain of events being 2 years ago when I thought it was a year ago.
I think that I missed a lot by drinking over the years. My memory is horrible anyway and then on top of that to have missed so much....very sad.
We had one guest, Paul rode his bike over here so he could drink and not have to worry about a DUI.
One of my friends who I came out to last week asked me how I knew that I was an alcoholic? I told her that When I realized that last friday night I had drank the equivalent of 8 beers and drove home. That was the turning point for me. One week ago today:

So June 1st is my day one sober day.
I have done 6 weeks off for lent before but never intending to say good bye for good. the longest I have done with out alcohol is 5 1/2 months.
But I never wanted to give it up for good. It was always in my mind that I could drink moderately. But I can't do that, I have tried and failed so many times. So I will give up alcohol and reach for a sober life.
bizi

bizi,
I'm really happy you've reached this decision, and want to encourage you in your sober journey.

As you probably know, I've struggled off and on with sobriety for years. I always want to go back to moderating and fail miserably.

The decision to stop entirely is not easy, but I do think that ultimately it's easier than the on again, off again yo-yo.

I'm here for you for support if you need it.

splitimage