[LucyD]

I have a problem with alchohol and should not drink because of my liver. My addiction to it at times makes me ignore this fact. Sometimes I tell myself your liver isn't that bad yet. I have Cirrhosis--not sure what stage yet as they haven't been able to figure it yet. So I tell myself maybe it's in it's earliest stage and I can still drink. If that is so then it's going to get worse faster so why do I still drink? I have an addiction to it.

I quit alchohol from 1986 to 2006; almost 20 years and why I picked it back up I don't know but IT along with Fatty Liver disease, medications too made me get to cirrhosis. I may seem really stupid but I'm not. Yet in a way addiction makes me really stupid in this regard to drinking.

I went to AA for 4 years and still stayed sober for another 15. I didn't like AA and still don't like it for many reasons but mainly not getting along with some of the people and the way they treat people. I don't want to go back there. My psychiatrist has suggested in patient treatment but right now I have no means to get there. I asked him for the medication Camprol which once before helped me to not drink. He would not prescribe it unless I go to the inpatient treatment.

I feel I'm in a dillemna. I don't know what to do any more. The longest I've gone without alcohol in awhile is 2 weeks. I have changed to lite beer when I drink because of lower alcohol content. I bet no one has any answers for me but I'll post this anyways just in case.

[Guiness187055]

I too am a recovering alcoholic. AA was not for me either I only have three years sober but what I have found that works for me is. I realized I drank to self medicate and control my symptoms of bipolar. Once I new what was wrong with me and I got on medication my will to drink stopped. I sometimes still think of a drink but what I say to myself would I drink bleach? Alcohol for me would be like drinking bleach I would eventually end up dead.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I too am a recovering alcoholic. AA was not for me either I only have three years sober but what I have found that works for me is. I realized I drank to self medicate and control my symptoms of bipolar. Once I new what was wrong with me and I got on medication my will to drink stopped. I sometimes still think of a drink but what I say to myself would I drink bleach? Alcohol for me would be like drinking bleach I would eventually end up dead.

Three years is great IMO. If I could go that long I would be so glad. I have symptoms that I can't stop even with medication. It's unbearable at times. I keep seeing the shrink and trying new meds. Nothing has worked for my OCD/PTSD symptoms fully. The meds just cut the edge on the depression and I can't take a high enough dose to treat the depression/ocd/ptsd. I get more anxiety from the SSRIs and I don't think he will prescribe anything but them because of my liver. I'm so glad you have been able to stay sober! I'm trying to just get through each day without it. Had a strong urge to drink today while at the store but didn't buy any beer and headed home.

I also have Child-Pugh C Cirrhosis which was diagnosed secondary to alcohol which was complicated by a ventilator associated Klebsiella pneumonia after being admitted to ICU for liver failure following a 2 month stay in rehabilitation for learning to talk, walk and various other things people take for granted.

I drank for 20 years everyday like clockwork. I'm not entirely happy to be alive because of my personality type and to be quite honest, just sick and tired of people's lies and government bureaucracy.

Since then I'm on strong painkillers and a heap of other medication that makes me "foggy" and confused 45% of the day.

Apart from my questionable education, I'm actually quite intelligent. But the psychiatrist drugs they try to push for other reasons just create more fatty tissue in my liver.

Mind you chronic pain followed..

I've been sober for two years but I thought what the heck, let's make this cannabis really light up with some Vodka...months later, it became once a week, then I became homeless a dealt with my abandonment with beer...

I woke up this morning wanting to quit with medication (Campral) but the thought of the agonising boredom with noisy housemates I'm afraid just like you.

The one thing that kept me sober for that time was the one thing the doctors took away- Oxycodone.

I agree about AA. It's just full of triggers and *gulp* opportunity''

I need to find another habit

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by megabytesteve

I also have Child-Pugh C Cirrhosis which was diagnosed secondary to alcohol which was complicated by a ventilator associated Klebsiella pneumonia after being admitted to ICU for liver failure following a 2 month stay in rehabilitation for learning to talk, walk and various other things people take for granted.

I drank for 20 years everyday like clockwork. I'm not entirely happy to be alive because of my personality type and to be quite honest, just sick and tired of people's lies and government bureaucracy.

Since then I'm on strong painkillers and a heap of other medication that makes me "foggy" and confused 45% of the day.

Apart from my questionable education, I'm actually quite intelligent. But the psychiatrist drugs they try to push for other reasons just create more fatty tissue in my liver.

Mind you chronic pain followed..

I've been sober for two years but I thought what the heck, let's make this cannabis really light up with some Vodka...months later, it became once a week, then I became homeless a dealt with my abandonment with beer...

I woke up this morning wanting to quit with medication (Campral) but the thought of the agonising boredom with noisy housemates I'm afraid just like you.

The one thing that kept me sober for that time was the one thing the doctors took away- Oxycodone.

I agree about AA. It's just full of triggers and *gulp* opportunity''

I need to find another habit

I'm sorry you have that form of Cirrhosis. This is the first I have heard of it. Sounds like you really struggle, too. I took an opiode for pain, too. I am off of it for some years now but that was hard to get off of, too. I couldn't get the opiodes long term though or I may still be on it.

I have been thinking of getting interested in something to replace alcohol, but don't know what that would be yet. I used to draw but since taking psyche meds. have little desire to. I feel my talent is probably gone.

Yeah, AA helped me for awhile but it got me so annoyed after awhile. I know there must be some form of help out there. Maybe I should get a book on alchoholism--a workbook of some sort if there is one out there.

Thanks for sharing about you. Maybe there are better times ahead for folks like us, I don't know, just hoping.

PS. I just looked Alcoholism Workbooks up and came up with this and I bought one for only $6.13:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_n...lism+workbooks

[sarahsweets]

I am sorry to hear of others' issues with AA. I too felt the same way after trying it four times but I kept relapsing. I decided this last time that all those people cant be that crazy and they are sober. So I went on 12/12/13 and that was my first sober day. Sure, I judged and had personalities that bugged me. I learned a lot on how to deal with people. The previous times it didnt work were because I did not get a sponsor or really do the written work on the steps. That is what helped me clear out the clutter. I do not practice christianity so when I would hear of someone who found church or Jesus I just tuned them out. My higher power is purely spiritual and does not revolve around a god, man in the sky, holy mother or any other sort of magical thinking. But I agree, AA isnt for everyone. I just look at it like, if you are doing it your way, why not try this way even if its for the umpteenth time. Its not working for you now this way. Re: treatment. My daughter who is 18 ran away in march and ended up coming home an addict. We got her into rehab and the rehab flew her to Florida. We only had to fly her home because she did not want to live in Florida. I do not know how your insurance works but I know many rehabs that will get you there. Its worth looking into. I believe you need medical detox. I should have had medical detox, I was drinking 3 large bottles of wine a day, but I didnt know any better. I believe the only reason I didnt have a seizure is because I was on lamictal. I had fatty liver disease and my enzymes were out of whack. A year after when I got a physical they were all restored to normal. Quitting on my own was brutal and I do not think I could survive doing it again. Physically with the shakes and physical symptoms and then the mental brokenness might just kill me if I have to do it again.

I have had four people in my AA network die as a direct result of alcoholism and it is NOT pretty. It is miserable and painful and disgusting. These people all had alcohol related issues but kept drinking. They ended up in care facilities sh*tting and pissing on themselves. Seeing things, tremors, neurological impairments. They couldnt walk right. One woman who I was close with relapsed for the last time and took her own life. I can assure you that you will die if you do not stop. And you do not want to die that way. Hospitals do not always have the compassion they should for alcohol withdrawl and related illnesses. They look at it a lot as being your own fault. Organ transplant lists are not favorable to alcoholism either, you are definitely not at the top of the list. I have been to more viewings and funerals as an alcoholic than I have in my whole life. Mostly overdoses but also alcoholism. I do believe it can kill you.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm so sorry, LucyD Giving up alcohol is certainly not easy. Please don't give up. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're really trying your best, and that's good. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll be able to quit sooner or later: you've already been able to stay sober for 20 years! That's a huge accomplishment, please recognize that. And I'm sure you can accomplish it again. Do you remember what made you quit alcohol the first time around? Maybe that could help. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're not stupid at all. This is just the way alcohol works. It's not your fault. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm so sorry, LucyD Giving up alcohol is certainly not easy. Please don't give up. From what you wrote, it sounds like you're really trying your best, and that's good. Keep trying and I'm sure you'll be able to quit sooner or later: you've already been able to stay sober for 20 years! That's a huge accomplishment, please recognize that. And I'm sure you can accomplish it again. Do you remember what made you quit alcohol the first time around? Maybe that could help. Please don't be so hard on yourself, you're not stupid at all. This is just the way alcohol works. It's not your fault. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

Thank you so much. I really appreciate the supportive message. I'm trying to recall what made me quit when I did it for almost 20 years. Getting old now and my memory is not the best. I didn't let anything make me drink for that long, though. I ordered an alcoholism workbook for cheap and will get it this month hopefully. I'm going to ask the shrink for the Camprol again. I'll see him in 5 days. Maybe if he says "no" again I will ask my Internist. He is really, really nice. Taking my risperdal to keep my mood stable and it helps some but other symptoms are annoying to say the least. I don't have to drink over them, though. I don't know anymore, just trying to get through each day as it appears. Thank you for your positive feedback, I needed that today.

[UpDownAround]

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I too am a recovering alcoholic. AA was not for me either I only have three years sober but what I have found that works for me is. I realized I drank to self medicate and control my symptoms of bipolar. Once I new what was wrong with me and I got on medication my will to drink stopped. I sometimes still think of a drink but what I say to myself would I drink bleach? Alcohol for me would be like drinking bleach I would eventually end up dead.

About halfway to 3 years (day 566) with almost the same story. i did drink for a few more months after getting properly mediated but it wasn't adjusted to have it really under control. Oddly enough, a bipolar incident helped me stop drinking. I had an episode of expansive hypomania and told a few people about my closet drinking including my primary and one of my kids. I thought it was justified and they would agree with me when I explained my reasoning. It didn't work out that way.

[Ella68]

Have you tried the SMART Recovery Program?

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Ella68

Have you tried the SMART Recovery Program?

If you are talking to me I have found a Workbook on Alcohol Recovery that I'm going to get into. Can't travel at all outside the house. Thanks.

[bizi]

hi lucy,
SMART recovery is on line. They hold on line meetings and have a chat room.
They are an abstinence program. The meetings fulfill like AA requirements. They are not religious based at all.
bizi

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by bizi

hi lucy,
SMART recovery is on line. They hold on line meetings and have a chat room.
They are an abstinence program. The meetings fulfill like AA requirements. They are not religious based at all.
bizi

Good to know. I'll give a look at them. Thanks.

[LucyD]

I went to the SMART Recovery site and registered. It looks very interesting. Going to see what it's all about later. Really glad to find the site.

Originally Posted by Guiness187055

I too am a recovering alcoholic. AA was not for me either I only have three years sober but what I have found that works for me is. I realized I drank to self medicate and control my symptoms of bipolar. Once I new what was wrong with me and I got on medication my will to drink stopped. I sometimes still think of a drink but what I say to myself would I drink bleach? Alcohol for me would be like drinking bleach I would eventually end up dead.

Not trigger, but have you found a replacement habit ?

Implying that art is a habit.

I found drinking iced water with lemon slices really helped me stay sober with absolutely no interest in drinking alcoholic beverages.

Sorry Lucy D. But in the interests of your question

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by megabytesteve

Not trigger, but have you found a replacement habit ?

Implying that art is a habit.

I found drinking iced water with lemon slices really helped me stay sober with absolutely no interest in drinking alcoholic beverages.

Sorry Lucy D. But in the interests of your question

I have been drinking ice water with lemon slices in it and squeeze it in there, too. I love it. Have to be careful not to drink it all day though as I'm told it can be acidic and hurt the teeth. I have several glasses a day still. My teeth seem to be okay or the same as always. It is helpful!

[bizi]

I use liquid stevia to sweeten my water both cold and hot. Sweet leaf makes it. I like many of the different flavors cream, toffee, vanilla, chocolate and others I can't think of right now.
This is day 2 for me.
good luck with your journey.
bizi

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by bizi

I use liquid stevia to sweeten my water both cold and hot. Sweet leaf makes it. I like many of the different flavors cream, toffee, vanilla, chocolate and others I can't think of right now.
This is day 2 for me.
good luck with your journey.
bizi

You are doing good! I've never tried stevia. Sounds good. I have been abstaining and today I printed out a bunch of the recovery worksheets at SMART Recovery. Thank you so much for telling me it's online or I would not have considered it. I have been abstaining for 8 days now. But it's one day at a time for me.

[bizi]

Great about SMART recovery!
and good for you on 8 days.You made it thru a weekend right?
I am self employed so would reschedule visits to other days if I needed to sleep more due to alcohol from the night before.
Do you work or have children or other responsibilities?
bizi

[sarahsweets]

Is smart recovery like a 12 step program without certain parts?

[Guiness187055]

Originally Posted by megabytesteve

Not trigger, but have you found a replacement habit ?

Implying that art is a habit.

I found drinking iced water with lemon slices really helped me stay sober with absolutely no interest in drinking alcoholic beverages.

Sorry Lucy D. But in the interests of your question

I drink a lot of coffee. I even quit smoking but I think that was due to the wellbutrin.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by bizi

Great about SMART recovery!
and good for you on 8 days.You made it thru a weekend right?
I am self employed so would reschedule visits to other days if I needed to sleep more due to alcohol from the night before.
Do you work or have children or other responsibilities?
bizi

Yes, I made it through the weekend. I feel so much better without drinking and I hold onto that thought. I can't just have one so I won't have any. Last time I drank I had 18 lite beers! Embarrassing to say but I can't go on like that. I am 61, retired with no children but have a little dog and 2 Parakeets I care for. Plus recovering from liver disease is a full time job for me. Trying to eat right, drink plenty of water, do my household duties, keep up my household, bring supplies home to use. I am slower than I used to be but still I am alive and happy to be today.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Is smart recovery like a 12 step program without certain parts?

No it is not like a 12 step program at all. It stand for Self Management and Recovery Training. I ordered the Handbook and printed out all of the worksheets. It seems like psychology based to me. Lot of good, practical ideas to apply to recovery. I didn't want a 12 step program again. I'm glad it is so different and makes more sense to me. It is not religion based at all.

[sarahsweets]

Originally Posted by LucyD

No it is not like a 12 step program at all. It stand for Self Management and Recovery Training. I ordered the Handbook and printed out all of the worksheets. It seems like psychology based to me. Lot of good, practical ideas to apply to recovery. I didn't want a 12 step program again. I'm glad it is so different and makes more sense to me. It is not religion based at all.

Man, I am really bummed that your experience with AA was religion based because that is not what its about at all. I am an atheist and it worked well for me.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

Man, I am really bummed that your experience with AA was religion based because that is not what its about at all. I am an atheist and it worked well for me.

Don't be bummed about it. I was glad to get away from AA many years ago. There are many it doesn't work for, more than you will ever know. I meant it relies on God or a power greater and many can't comprehend that or feel it's religious. I know what AA is about. I attended it for 4 years and hated it at the end. I stayed sober despite a sponsor who tried to sell me everything she could (vitamins, etc.) for almost 20 years. Many stay sober without AA because they can do it without. There are many other ways to recover. AA is not a cure all for Alcoholism--and they say there is no cure there. It's always important to remember though that one drink is too many. I think it's great if AA works for you or others. It's not for me and not for so many.