[Raynaadi]

The girl I've been sponsoring for 5 months now, started dating a really good friend of mine. He and I have known each other since before I drank. She seemed like she was working a really diligent program. We had gotten through the steps. She talked to me on a regular basis.

Anyway long story shorter, Friday morning I noticed on her myspace page that her status was single and my friend was removed from her friends list. I sent her a text asking if she was ok on my way to work. She said she was fine, he's a great guy but he's got issues. So I figured they broke up. It had only been a couple weeks.

Well I forgot to put my phone by my bed Friday night and when I checked it around noon yesterday (Saturday) my friend had called me 24 times!!! I was so worried, I called him back right away and found out that my sponsee had gone downstairs outside his apartment and when he took his dog for a walk, he caught her smoking pot. He told her she needed to leave. Pot is his big trigger. For a split second he wanted to hit it but he's been sober over a year.

This is the friend who fixes my computer. The friend who's animals I watch. And to hear him on the phone, so broken....broke my heart. He said he had really been struggling not to drink, and he had eyed his favorite at the store when he picked up his prescriptions at the pharmacy. I asked what I could do and he asked me to come over to I packed up my laptop and went over around noon. I stayed till midnight. My boyfriend told me to give my friend his number.

When I got there I was so worried. He had called the AA hotline and me, but he doesn't have other friends in the program. He didn't call his sponsor because his sponsor has been sick. He was really scaring me. He had really fallen for my sponsee in such a short time.

We talked for a long time and he finally talked to his sponsor which helped. He'd start to be ok and then revert back to depression. We discussed my sponsee's mental health. Before she got sober she had been dx'd bipolar and borderline. But her parents were worried because she was abusing her meds so they had her go off everything when she got sober. So she had cut everything out, alcohol, drugs, meds. For awhile she was doing great. But then she'd have days where she'd do nothing but lay in bed, and then she'd have days with tons of energy.

I'm just so sad for her, and for my friend. Luckily he didn't drink or use, but I don't know if he stayed ok after I left at midnight. We haven't heard from her. He kept telling her to call me but she wouldn't. She sent him a text while I was there but then quit replying.

I'm so angry at addiction. I'm so angry at the mental health agency she was going to because they just kept giving her more and more pills. I'm so angry at her parents for telling her to off everything but then not following up to make sure she saw a good doctor to get properly diagnosed. Alcoholics with untreated mental health issues often fall very far, very fast. I'm so worried for her.

I had to vent and get this off my chest. Oh and she hadn't even broken up with him like I thought she had. They'd had a long talk, through which she wouldn't concentrate on him, and then told him she's not his therapist or sponsor. Ouch.....all he wanted was to share with his girlfriend. Then he finds her smoking pot.

I'm grateful it wasn't me. But I'm sad for her, and for my friend.

[nothemama8]

Rayna, know that you are doing the best by lisitening to yor friends, prayer helps if needed, what ever happens stay safe
Angie

[chalmette70043]

((((((Rayna)))))))

Your friend is so lucky to have you in his life and vice versa for yourself. Sounds like he made it through the tough part.

And your sponsee, i'm sure she will call when she settles down. Don't let it wear on you. Its not your fault. Its that damn booze and bud that grabbed her. Your a great sponser.

love ya
chal

[Raynaadi]

Thanks you two

I'm mostly just hoping she's ok, wherever she is.

[splitimage]

Rayna,

I'm really glad that you were able to be there for your friend. It sounds like a really messy situation for you to be in. I really hope your sponsee's ok and gets in touch with you soon.

Remember to take care of yourself too.

--splitimage

[Juliaspavlov]

(((Rayna)))

take courage and I agree about being angry
at addiction. It's hard not to worry huh?
I wish I could be there with you ...well maybe
in spirit (heart)...(but not grog )

[Raynaadi]

Thanks everyone. I got a call from her at 1:30 in the morning. I was too dead asleep to contemplate answering it but it woke me up. I checked the voice mail this morning and she was back at my friends. There was a missed call from him too.

I'm dreading the outcome of this. I don't see it going anywhere good.

[splitimage]

There really is a reason, why they suggest no new relationships in the first year of sobriety isn't there.

Hang in there.

--splitimage

[DePressMe]

I sure don't envy you. Remember, try not to put yourself in the middle. I know it is hard to support 2 friends who are having problems in a relationship. Sorry you are going through this.

[Raynaadi]

Yep this is exactly why they suggest no new relationships in the first year haha. Things seem ok for now. She has left his place since he wanted to go to a meeting and she didn't. Long story that I don't feel like going into. But I talked to my sponsor about it all and I feel better. Still sad for her yeah, but better.

[wickedwings]

ouch. so sorry about that. ((((ray))))

[Raynaadi]

Thanks wickedwings. Sometimes its hard to say, but I'm grateful its not me....

ray,

you did good hun, and you know, you do what you can when you can and some things are beyond our control even though we wish we could make them within our control.

Im sorry to hear that the girl is having such a hard time, and i pray that whatever happens between them in the relationship it is positive in the end.

[Raynaadi]

My friend has moved on and has actually started a pretty big healing process because of this. It brought out a lot of issues for him and when he told his T she was ecstatic, saying this was what she had wanted to get out of him for a long time. So though it was a frustrating experience, it looks like its going to work out for my friend, because he's finally feeling enough pain from these issues to work on them, and he's finally going over his 4th step with his sponsor on Sunday. As for the girl, I don't know.....when I told her I'd talk to her if she got back to meetings, she got angry. But no one can see the solution when they're still living in the problem.