[mel4]

I've sort of been a lurker in this forum for the most part, not because I don't care, but because of the fact that I've been ashamed to post much being in my not-so-sober state.....

Well, I've finally decided that its time for a change. Things have gotten out of control lately, and I really can't go on living like this. I've been clean for roughly two days. two extremely painful days......this is so %#@&#! difficult. I've attempted reaching out to the counselor at school (he said that I have one final change to clean my act up), as well as other somewhat distant figures in my life. Spring Break is upon me now however, and I really don't know how I'm going to continue on my path to sobriety when I have all this empty, cold, time to myself. I feel like I'm yearning for help from anyone who truly cares, yet I'm having issues finding those that are honestly there for me. The drugs are calling, and I'm jumping in my skin. I just want this to be over.

Thanks for listening,
Mel

[splitimage]

Mel,

I'm glad that you decided to post. We're here to support you. I remember what my first few days sober were like - they were pretty awful. Good for you for making it through the first two days.

Don't know where you are, but since you've got a break coming up, when you'll have time on your hands (always a big trigger for me to drink) have you considered attending Narcotics or Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. There great places to get IRL support. i go to AA and it's helped me a lot - even if it just gets me out of my house to hang out with a bunch of sober people for an hour, when otherwise I might want to be drinking.

Quitting is really hard, but if you really want it, it is possible.

Splitimage

[mel4]

Thanks for the kind words, split.

I don't know if i can do this. I've already gained three pounds, which is like death for me. I feel like %#@&#!, and i know i NEED to reach out, but I'm absolutely miserable. Who wants to talk with or be with someone who's miserable.

Gahhhhhhhhh
mel

[chalmette70043]

Mel is what so great seeing you last week in recovery chat. I'm glad to hear you've decided to call the drugs quit. I really hope to see you join us in chat this coming week.

I know the time thing is hard for you. But , if you could just make the first half. That would be killa.

take care and many hugs
chalmette

[mel4]

sorry to keep *****ing, but this is so damn terrible. i'm addicted to every aspect of the drug---the lifestyle, the random effects of it on my body, and of course, the high. i want it all back, but want none of it, at the same time.

[youOme]

If you're ready then it's time to take advantage of this "readiness"...for me, I never feel fully ready and when that rare moment bares it's head I don't take advantage of it.

Kill the time because right now time is your worst enemy. Do whatever you have to that is seemingly enjoyable or productive..to keep the wondering mind occupied at least.

Good luck, keep pulling through...