ways of saying "enough"

I really, really need to wave bye-bye to my T. Her schedule and mine rarely mesh well and I end up canceling every other appointment anyway because of it. (I don't have a 9 to 5 job and never know from one day to the next what my schedule will be.) Needless to say, it's very difficult to get anywhere when you only go once a month, and I didn't really go in with anything specific to work on anyway, just a sense of needing some help adjusting to where I find myself, both physically and emotionally, now.

She says things that make it clear to me we are completely disconnected and that her version of how I respond and mine totally don't gibe. She spends half the session talking about herself anyway....it's just never been a good fit, and I find bothering with it an increasing PITA.

My question is -- how does one detach oneself in such a situation? I guess question 1A is, is it wussy to do it over the phone? I kind of hate to waste $170 just to say "it's time for me to quit," but I don't know if it would be too rude just to leave a message on her machine or something saying I'm not coming back. I have done that in the past, but with somebody who was even a worse fit than this chick and who I only saw 2-3 times (I haven't had much luck since having to leave the best T I've ever had because we both moved).

Anybody got any ideas for not being jerky about this?

CB

I don't think you are being jerky about this, you have a couple of really good reasons why it isn't working for you. It doesn't fit in with your life schedule and it's not a good match.

Go with what you feel is right for you.

(((((((( candybear ))))))) I hope you can find someone that suits you better.

Is it a standing appointment, same day/time each month? If you have to make the appointment I'd go to the next one you have scheduled (if you do) and just explain you don't have the time/interest in any more. You don't have to involve her, just that you don't want to spend the time/money. But I would tell her in person.

I agree I would not want to waste the $170, but I also would not want to tell her I was terminating on a phone message. Instead, I would leave a message on her phone asking her to call me. Then when she called back, I would tell her I would be discontinuing therapy. That way you give her the courtesy of directly telling her and allow for some feedback from her and a chance to say goodbye, but you don't waste your money on a face to face meeting. $170 is a lot to me!

It's a lot to me too!

It's not the same time/day every time, it varies. But I like the idea of at least talking to her on the phone. It'll be awkward, though, and I'm not so good at that!

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
candybear said:
It'll be awkward, though, and I'm not so good at that!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">I know it's hard, but you'll be glad you did. I terminated with one T by just not scheduling any more appointments, kind of an "accidental" termination. Now I wish I had at least given her the courtesy of terminating with a direct phone conversation. Good luck!

I think telephoning is kind of like a happy medium. If this had been a long-standing, close relationship, then of course it would be much more appropriate to have closure for both of you. Since it doesn't sound like that is the case here, then an emotional closure probably isn't necessary. $170.00 IS a lot of money and you do have a right to consider that important. If you were to just leave an e-mail or mssg., it sounds like you would not feel good about this. The phone call would make it personal and caring, yet it saves you the money and would require you to feel uncomfortable for only a brief time. Your scheduling conflicts give you a very good non-personal excuse.
Good luck!

tulips

I agree with Sunny. Why spend the money if you know what you want to do. Have confidence in what you already know for yourself.

You are right once a month is not enough and with the other issuees you cite, it is time to ramble on

Just wondering how long you have been seeing this T?

Since May, I think, but we only schedule for every other week and I end up having to cancel at least half of them because something comes up from work. I've never felt like she cares -- always like I'm just another case to be solved, not really a person. We just haven't ever really clicked, at least not from my end. I don't know how much of that is we haven't ever been able to get into a groove and how much is just a bad fit.

I really like sunny's idea.

I hope you do find someone you feel is a wonderful fit.

Hmmmmmm, $170 is a LOT of money.

I would do the phone thing, since it doesn't sound like you are connected at all to her.

Good luck.