step 10s

I am recovering from a personality disorder, which I have previously treated as an addiction and would like to continue to work my program on the specific disorder issues.

Today I did something that I was hating myself for.


It was a 'small' thing that involved fear and not speaking my truth, not having choices.
I hate myself when I do this, I feel inconsolable. This behaviour has done so much harm over the years and at the time i'm doing it its reflex so I dont get that margin of a moment to interrupt myself and chose to do somethng different.
I thought of what the b.book says and remembered ...'where have you been afraid, self seeking etc, and you need to discuss with another?...'.
I am isolated at present and not in touch with enough people in recovery, so I wondered if theres anyone here who would like to share some sort of regular step 10 check in for a while?

As it happened something good happened after and I felt better, but i would rather rely on my program than random good fortune to manage my life.

I'm open to any possibilites as to how exactly to go about this.

could do with help/ listening and a chance to help/ listen.

riverx

Hi, no steps but
I hope this supports; We are made to think that good people feel bad, guilt, regret when we err. I believe those feelings are opiates to avoid taking responsibility for our actions/inactions. My advice; know what happened, you made it through alive, allow yourself to have that "moment" to choose should this occur again and lastly, truly forgive yourself.