[SophiaG]

ok. my story.

I am a computer addict. And....i've come to a point where i realize this addiction is beginning to affect my health.

My computer use began when I was young around the age of 13 due to loneliness. Up until that time i had had a group of 5 friends accompany me throughout my school years. They were all taught sign language in order to be able to talk to me. But we were split up at the end of 6th grade. So..i began to use aim...casually IMing my buddies after school. Internet use became more frequent at age 14 because i used it to overcome a trauma that occured in my life...and the usage just increased from there. Then last year i got a laptop which is wireless and I can take it everywhere i want to in the house. So i just stay in my room for hours on the internet now, going on Second Life.

I am afraid that if i get off the internet i'll be horribly lonely. lately i've begun to not eat or sleep. A few days ago i got up from the couch to get something and the floor beneath me began to spin. I was dizzy an felt like i'd fall over. I was also confused....thinking I had lost some swath of time while on the internet. My vison began to blur. I hadnt eaten for 24 hours and slept only 3 hours in 48 hours.

I am on the computer again. This dizzy spell didnt faze me i guess. I feel like i am killing myself. Another sleepness night.

What's wrong with me? Am I a coward?

I have a full ride to Gallaudet University ( an all deaf college)....should I take it? or do you think i should learn to live in a world where no one can understand what I am saying? Wouldnt I have to do that sooner or later?

I need help and advice. I am feeling very lost and heartbroken at the moment.

[RiverX]

Its good to hear you Sophia. I say that (although its a bit ironic) in sincerity because I understand and I relate to what you're experiencing, tho I do have hearing,

I have a disorder and one of the names for it is 'the self in exile disorder'. In the experience of this, I also on one form or other withdraw from the external world of real people and get really intense and addicted to relationships --- in another way, can be online, can be in my head, its like my emotional investment goes here instead of the real world. But theres more, this has an energy of its own wich takes over, and as you say, it can take over and make basic needs just irrelevant or even like you dont want them.

There is lots of hope, and I do by now have a lot of understanding of this. and I have made some progress at getting better.

If you would like pm me, and maybe I can help

riverx

[Tracy1980]

In my opinion, I think the all-deaf college may be the best option for you at this time in your life. It may make your life easier, and I would think there are numerous other things you could do to assimilate into the hearing-world. If you are withdrawing now because of this issue, college may be too hard to handle, and so the deaf college may make things better for you AT THIS TIME IN YOUR LIFE.

[SophiaG]

thank you Tracey and Riverx...i will keep what you have said in mind.