For my fellow addicts.

I want to start off by saying today is 55 days into sobriety for me, and I still struggle daily with it.

I started drinking at a really young age to escape pain I was going through at home, but would only do it on weekends since I wasn't around my parents most weekends. When I was 15, I started sneaking alcohol into the house and began drinking daily. That got to where it wasn't doing the trick, so I started mixing it with pain pills. By the time I was 16, I was drinking daily, smoking pot daily, and taking pills daily. I always said I'd never use any hard drugs because I seen both my sister and brother on them and they were horrible. My brother died of a heroin overdose, and I sister was a crystal meth addict for all of her teenage years. But I eventually started 'experimenting' with the harder drugs.
The first time I smoked crank, it was amazing. I felt on top of the world and as if no one could touch me. I felt I was the most beautiful person to face earth and everyone loved me. My addiction got heavy really quick with crank, but I built up a tolerance and had to use more and more to get the same high. So I started using another form of meth, which was Ice. Ice became my world... I'd smoke continuiously for two or three days, would tweak anywhere from 3 to 9 days at a time and then crash for about 26 to 28 hours and start right back up again. Although I never got tired of Ice and the feeling it gave me, I still wanted to have a different high, too. So I started using cocaine and crack. I was a full fledged 'All-Star' junkie by the time I was 17 years old. I was never hardly at home except to sleep, which was rarely ever. I lost a ton of weight within a short amount of time, and my addiction had gotten so heavy that I couldn't make enough money to support it. No matter how much drugs I bought, it still wasn't enough. So I started doing 'favors' for money to buy dope, or they'd just give me the dope for the 'favors'. I don't know how anyone didn't see my addiction was so bad; but I was obviously good at fooling them... And myself. One of my 'favors' went really wrong and I ended up getting raped. I knew then I needed help and my 'fun drugs' had turned into my worst nightmare... I NEEDED my dope. I couldn't function without it. It was never supposed to go that far, but I don't think anyone ever plans for it to go that far, do they?
I got into treatment and the first day out, I used. But that one time I used, I overdosed on Ice and ended up in the hospital for two days. I'm now in an intensive outpatient treatment program and have been clean and sober from drugs and alcohol for 55 days. I've been tempted, and I've been overwhelmed with withdrawls and constant dreams about drugs, but I know I can't use... I know that one time can turn into two, and it will eventually turn back to how it was before or worse, and I can't allow myself to do that again.

So to my fellow addicts or recovering addicts: If you want to get clean, it is possible. Trust me, I used so much dope that my sinuses are permantely damaged, my esphagus isn't in good shape, I'm still paying and getting work done on my teeth to repair what my drug use caused... So if I can do it, anyone can do it. The best thing about recovery is that you don't have to take it all in as you can't use for the rest of your life. You don't have to deal with all that weight on your back... All you have to do is take it one day at a time and know that when you are craving, someone else is craving too and they'll be right there to help you get through that craving without drugs. Those people you use(d) with aren't your friends. They'll do dope with you or get drunk with you until it all runs out... But when you are ready to get clean and live a life worth living, they won't be there and if they are, they'll be trying to get you to use again. I went from having at least 30 friends, to having ZERO in a matter of weeks after first getting clean. They don't want to be around you anymore when you don't have drugs, because that's all they wanted to begin with. Your real friends are the ones who stuck by you through everything... Your family, your support system. Losing all those so called friends was one of the hardest parts of getting clean, but now I realized they weren't my friends at all. They were simply people wanting dope and did whatever they could to get it. So don't let that hold your sobriety back... Go for it! Get clean! Show them you can have a life outside of drugs. It isn't easy, but nothing worth getting and keeping is ever easy. I promise it'll be worth it in the end.

With tears in my eyes, I applaud you. I'm PROUD of you.

be safe,

kd

55 days!! YEAH!!!! You oughta be really proud of yourself!! And how wonderful of you to be encouraging others! It's great to meet you.

Emmy

BamaSurvivor:

Welcome to PsychCentral and congratulations on your sobriety. Here's hoping for continued healing and recovery. Take Care of yourself and as you know, take it a day at a time.

Kimberly.