I have a question for the addicts?

My question is based on the fact that right now I'm dealing with my mother, who is a crack cocaine addict. She's recently hurt me greatly when she stole my childrens Christmas presents, to give away for drugs. My question is when a person is this addicted, are they a completely different person, or have they really changed this way for the rest of thier lives? I also ask if my mother has crossed the line, and is not elgible for my forgiveness? If I should forgive her, when would be the appropriate time?

A person who is an addict is a completelyn different person that you may have known before. The addiction has taken them over and all they care about is filling their addictive needs. You may be able to forgive her in time but I would think she would have to go through some changes, get into recovery, before that would start. I know I was completely different when using. Thought only of myself and my own needs. This is just my opinion anyway.

Allan

oh yes, they are completely different when they use. i used to say to my daughter, "i'd like to talk to you and not the drugs"...when she got clean, she was a new woman. completely different. Allan is correct in all he said. good luck, xoxoxo pat

When I was active in my addiction, it was as if I was in a trance. Under the influence of some unseen force keeping me prison, locked away in my own mind and boyd, unable to escape until I found recovery. Your mother is still in there somewhere, but her addiction is masking her true self. She'll do anything to support her addiction, while probably knowing stealing from her daughter is wrong. All you can do is hope she hits bottom enough to find recovery, and try to hang on to a thread of forgiveness for the future, in the event that she comes around. In the meantime, try checking out Al Anon or some other support groups for children of addicts. I wish you luck, and you can PM me if you need to talk. =)

Rayna

Would definitely go along with Rayna's suggest for the Al Anon meetings...

Your mother isn't intentionally hurting you, and even if she was, it's not her talking. It's definitely the dope. I recently relapsed and some of the folks here on psych central can tell you I was not a good person. I faught against all advice given to me and I felt as if everyone was attacking me, when really they were trying to help. That's the mind of an active addict. In active addiction, you feel threatened. As if everyones out to get you and you feel you have to take before you get taken from, ya know? Your mom has a terrible addiction that she has to feed right now. Please realize your mom isn't out to hurt you purposely. It's majority the drugs. I know how bad crack cocaine addiction can be, I'm an addict. But I also know that once introduced to recovery and REALLY wanting to get clean/sober, life can change for the better. Try talking to her about getting into NA meetings or even into a treatment program that's a bit more intensive. She may not be willing to listen right now, but at least you tried.

In my experience they are completely different people.
I've seen it with my grandmother, i've seen it with my mother, and i'm seeing it with me.

My grandmother was there hell of a lot for me as a child, we were always at my grandparents house and i was her favourite. After my mothers problems my grandmother offered to have me at her house. They decorated my new room, put me in a school, supported me in everything, and even gave me money to go out at the weekends (drinking ironically!)

After my grandad died, and she became an alcoholic, although she'll never admit it to you, she kicked me out- just like that. Told me to leave, and we've never had a decent conversation since. She doesn't send birthday cards, or christmas cards and refuses to see us.

With my mother, i was too young to realise, but she didn't pay much attention to any of us as children, but of course we had no idea it was down to alcohol at the time.

With me, i'm an emotional drunk. I'm emotional all the time, but with a couple glasses of wine, i can't control the tears, and if i'm pushed i lash out and hit people, stamp my feet and make a mess of everything.

I'm being treated for substance abuse, and i hope to come out of it like my mother did. She's a lovely caring person now, and often says to me, 'if i didn't meet your step dad i'd not be alive today.' Sure enough i believe her...

I can not say they are totally different. I went meeting to meeting of ppl saying they no longer did this or this because they are straight and sober when I was doing such things straight and sober. I know today I am not the only one like this. So Just because we get clean and sober does not mean that we are angels. If you have a drunkin/drugging horse thief and you get them clean and sober what do you have? You got it, a clean and sober horse thief. As for forgiveness that is totally different story. Nothing is so black and white.
mlyn