[lifelesstraveled]

I don't consider myself to have a problem with substance abuse, though others around me beg to differ. I tend to gravitate towards alcohol and/or drugs to make me feel better or feel nothing at all. I use alcohol to make me feel better (my substance of choice) or weed or hydrocodone or codeine(when I have access to it) to numb it all out. I don't do this on a regular basis. In fact I try to stay away from it, but sometimes I just can't. I feel bad because i have recently started taking hydrocodone frequently (over last two weeks everyday--i don't usually take them, but have in the past). I also have started drinking again. I used to drink heavily and the only reason why I stopped was because i moved back in with my parents and I didn't want to disrespect them or their home by drinking. I was sober for about a year...well no that's a lie, now that I am remembering, I would drink outside of the house, BUT I have cut it down quite a bit...until recently. I guess I am trying to figure out where that line is...I guess I can say that I don't need it to get me through my day to day life....

I don't think I have a problem, but I don't want it to be one. I have started therapy, but I haven't told her about my propensity towards hydrocodone or codeine or weed, however, she does know about the alcohol. I have gone through the last couple of sessions heavy with guilt for not telling her, but I dont want her to think I have a problem with it.

I don't expect anyone to reply to this, this is just the first time I have actually considered the idea that this could potentially end up being a problem and that maybe I need to do something about it...

[DePressMe]

lifelesstraveled,

I have learned to not feel guilty about what I choose not to tell my therapist. Just because I am in therapy does not mean I have no right to privacy. There are some things I prefer to keep private and that is okay. However, if it is something that is causing me problems and I am not talking about it because I don't want the therapist to know because then I might have to do something about it, well thats a little different. Do you think that maybe you are not telling your therapist because you don't want to quit?

I don't think anybody but you can determine if you really are having addiction issues. Yes, others can point out some problems and concerns, but you are the only one that knows what you are thinking and why you are taking drugs. It is a good idea that you are taking a look at your alcohol and drug use now. You don't have to be a raging alcoholic or shoot up on a daily basis to have addiction issues.

I am not a therapist or doctor or anything, so I can just share my thoughts as an recovering alcoholic and addict. If I was in your shoes, I would talk with my therapist because I would consider your type of drug/alcohol use to be a problem. Maybe you are not an addict, and I really hope you are not, but you are abusing drugs to escape and now you are even doing it on a daily basis. I think that type of drug/alcohol use can quickly escalate and get out of control.

I really hope you can be honest with yourself because right now you have an important decision to make and it could have a lasting impact on your life. You need to decide if continuing to abuse the drugs/alcohol is worth taking the risk of becoming an addict/alcoholic. It might be hard to give up the drugs and alcohol now, but I think the longer you use them, the harder it will be to quit.

When I quit, I had to develop new ways to deal with all the stuff that I was trying to escape from by using/drinking. I have found that facing my problems is the only way to make them go away. Because drugs/alcohol might give me a temporary escape, but the problems are still there when I sober up and the longer I run from them, the worse they get.

So, I hope you can take a good honest look at your life and make the best choice for yourself. What do you want out of life? Are the drugs helping you get that or are they holding you back?

[lifelesstraveled]

There is part of me that doesn't want to quit. There is part of me that thinks I will be able to control it on my own and not go overboard. I know that is not a healthy way of dealing with it and it has the potential to spiral, I told my therapist about my drinking and that I wasn't sure if I was ready to let it go yet...part of me thinks I dont know what I would do without it, which isn't healthy--i see that. I just like to know that it's there if I need it...But my only other option is working out and I don't have a healthy relationship with that either...clearly I developed poor coping skills, but they are all i have for now...

I don't know what I want out of life. I just want to be happy. That's what I always say and then my T asks what happiness looks like. I can't answer that...i have no idea. I'd assume it's living life to live it and love it, instead of the opposite, which is my case. If I try to answer your final question, I'd feel like I'd just completed one big circle of my response LOL. It goes from knowing I need to stop for all the various reasons(in fact there's a bottle hidden in my closet I want to pour out, but can't bring myself to do it), but Im not ready to stop b/c what would I do with out it? And then I am back at the beginning....I will figure it out. Thanks for giving me something to think about